Ghosts of Evangelion - a post-EoE fic by Bagheera

[Bagheera]

Shadowjack said something about the non-linear nature of the fic working in such a way that any given scene informs both the scenes that came before and the scenes that came after, so maybe a bit of that will kick in here. But in any event, this is my thinking on the subject: the "supplemental information" goes far beyond Misato's advances on Shinji. It also covers her neglect of Asuka, Nerv's treatment of Rei, and the general lack of care offered the kids while they were Pilots. And I think this revelation on her part is essential, since it makes it clear that the Children are her primary interest at this point. If she didn't mention these things beforehand it would look like she was trying to hide something when they came up in sessions, and then Okada would be in the position of trying to evaluate whether or not she was a suitable caretaker and possibly even trying to figure out how he can separate her from the Children.

As to whether or not she'd bring it up: the kids know about this thanks to Instrumentality, so she's already been called on it. Instrumentality changed all of the characters in various ways: it made Shinji more resolved to take action rather than let things happen around him, it made Asuka more open to the efforts of others when they're trying to help her, and it made Misato drastically reassess her priorities. It may be a bit of a leap when it comes to her character as portrayed in NGE, but for my purposes the Children are her primary concern now that the world isn't in danger of ending, and full disclosure to their primary therapist is a big part of that. It demonstrates to him that there is no conflict of interest here, and it helps him put their struggles into the proper context. I don't know if this comes across properly in the scene, or if it should be changed to more accurately reflect this, but I feel the revelation is absolutely necessary.

Anyway, that said, new scene! I think this one works well on its own, but I'm not sure how it interacts with the January 28, 2016 scene. I think it's suitably complementary, but we'll see how outside eyes perceive it.

January 14, 2016

(click to show/hide)

January 14, 2016

They sat on the beach, several meters between them. Neither had spoken for quite some time. It was light now, but that didn't make the setting seem any less surreal -- the ocean was still LCL, the shattered head of Lilith still lay on the horizon, the painted moon was still visible, and the ring of souls still surrounded the Earth. She had unwrapped the bandages around her arm, and found it was intact: a scar ran down its length, but it appeared to be entirely cosmetic. She sat now with arms folded atop her knees, her head resting upon them.
Eventually, Shinji felt the need to speak. "Asuka . . . ?" he began.
If she heard him, she chose not to reply.
"I'm . . . um, really sorry that I didn't do anything to help you," he said. "The Eva . . . I mean, I couldn't--"
"Shut up," she spat.
"But--" he protested.
"I already know all of that, you moron." Her voice sounded tired.
"You?" he said, confused.
"I was in your head, remember? I know every disgusting secret in that perverted little head of yours."
"Oh," he said. "That's right, I guess that is what happened. I guess it's only natural that you'd hate me after that."
She gave him a worn, resigned look, then lay her head back on her arms. "That's not why I hate you," she mumbled.
Shinji winced. "Yeah," he said. "Yeah, I guess that's right. I . . . " he trailed off. He looked out at the ocean, and the twisted visage of Lilith. He shuddered. "I wonder if Misato will come back," he murmured.
"Tch," Asuka spat. "That stupid cow! I hope she rots in the ocean forever."
Shinji's eyes widened. "Asuka . . . "
She ignored him, clenching her fists. "I can't believe she did that," she whispered. "She already had Kaji, and then . . . " She briefly recalled watching a conversation between Shinji and Rei, when they were waiting for the train. "It's not like I ever had a chance anyway," she grumbled, "but even so, flaunting her body like that . . . " She narrowed her eyes, then stood up. She turned toward Shinji, kicking sand in his face. "And you didn't even appreciate it!" she seethed. "That's what really burns me up! You get everything handed to you, everything that should be mine, and you don't even want it!"
"I'm sorry--"
"Don't apologize!" she snarled, stamping her foot. "God damn it, weren't you paying attention at all?"
He slumped. "What do you want me to do, Asuka? Would it really make you feel better if I gloated about it?"
She didn't respond. She just hugged herself and turned to look out at the ocean.
"Besides," he went on, "I didn't get what you wanted. I wanted the same thing you did, and I didn't get it. I just . . . I guess I just lost it in a different way."
She sank to her knees, shivering despite the heat. "This is such a fucking joke," she mumbled. "I should have let you finish me off when I had the chance."
He leapt toward her, grabbing her by the shoulders. "Don't say that!" he cried.
A look of fury crossed her face. She brought a foot up between them, planting it on his chest, and pushed, hard. He flew back, sprawling in the sand. "Don't touch me!" she yelled. "Not now, not ever! Do you understand? Do not touch me!"
He held up a hand, placating her. "Okay," he said, "I understand. But please, don't say things like that. I don't . . . " He shook his head. "You don't know what it was like, having no one else around. It was horrible, Asuka. I felt like I went insane. And I don't . . . I really don't want to feel that way again. And I don't want you to feel that way either! So please, just--"
She stood up. "Shut up, you moron." She turned, and started walking.
"Wait!" he cried. "Where are you going?" He started following her.
"Anywhere else but here," she muttered.
"Can I . . .  ?" he asked, pleading.
"Oh, do whatever you want!" she snapped. "Just shut up already!"
He fell into step behind her, and did as she bade.

Next: I'm not sure I need that other Misato/Shinji scene after all. So, maybe Fuyu? I think he's next chronologically. No, wait, O-ki-na-wa! is first. So probably the first scene of that, and then Fuyu.

[Bagheera]

I wasn't planning to do anything with Kaji for a long while. I was planning to work on Fuyutsuki, and O-ki-na-wa!, and had the latter worked out to something like ten scenes. But today, Kaji showed up and laid a hand on my shoulder and said, "Hey, how 'bout this?" Thankfully, he didn't try to seduce me.

Enjoy!

March 6, 2021

(click to show/hide)

March 6, 2021

"Asuka, come on, open the door!" Misato called, banging on the apartment door for the third time. She turned to her companion. "What the devil is that girl doing? It's the middle of the afternoon, and I know she's here."
Ryoji Kaji rocked back on his heels, a bemused smile on his face. "Um, Katsuragi . . . do you think maybe--"
Asuka opened the door, a scowl marring her pretty face. Her hair was wet, and she held a towel in front of her. "Jeez, Misato, what do you want?" she demanded. "I was in the--"
She broke off, her eyes wide as saucers when she realized who was standing by Misato. With a shriek of embarrassment she slammed the door in their faces.
"Hmmm, maybe not," Kaji mused. He looked over at Misato. "She's grown up quite nicely, hasn't she?"
Misato scowled. "That's my daughter you're talking about, you lech."
Kaji grinned. "Even so . . . "
"She'll be your daughter too, you know," Misato snapped.
Kaji rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "I've always had this fantasy about a stepdaughter . . . "
Misato sighed. "You're disgusting," she said, resigned.
Kaji just gave her a roguish grin and shrugged. Switching gears, he said "Katsuragi. Those scars . . . "
Misato nodded. "Yes," she said.
"They're from piloting?" he asked.
Misato nodded again. "Correct. The Lances, even the replicas, were designed to pierce AT Fields. They left deep scars on the souls of their targets as a result."
"I see," he said, his voice grim.
Further conversation was cut off as the door opened again, this time with Shinji on the other side. He wore pants but no shirt. "Mister Kaji!" he exclaimed, surprise and delight evident in his voice.
"Heya kid!" Kaji said, waving.
"Please come in!" Shinji said. He stood aside, allowing them to enter. He closed the door, then said, "I can make tea if you like . . . no, you prefer coffee, don't you? Is the canned stuff alright?"
Kaji laughed. "That's fine," he said.
After Shinji had gotten them their drinks Misato looked around, finding no sign of Asuka. "Asuka?" she called.
A petulant whine from the direction of Shinji's bedroom was her only response.
"Come on out, sweetie," Misato asked.
Another whine.
Misato scowled. "Asuka Langley Soryu, get out here this instant!"
It took a few moments, but Asuka eventually appeared, clad in one of Shinji's shirts and little else. She was beet red, and wouldn't meet anyone's eyes.
Misato smiled. "That's better," she said.
Kaji smiled at the younger woman. "Heya kitten," he said. He eyed her up and down, then gave an appreciative whistle. "Wow," he said, "you've really grown up."
Asuka squeaked, retreating behind Shinji.
Misato scowled at Kaji. "I'm sitting right here, you know."
Kaji laughed. "Sorry, sorry," he said, waving his hand dismissively. "But still," he went on, turning back to Asuka, "we should get caught up sometime. I know this nice place downtown . . . "
Shinji glowered at him. "Mister Kaji, she's mine," he said.
Asuka slapped his shoulder, but that didn't stop her from biting her lip to cover a small smile.
Kaji glanced from one to the other, then smiled broadly. "So it seems," he said, nodding. "That's good," he went on. "I'm very happy for the both of you. Back then, things were so chaotic . . . I was very worried about you two." He scratched the back of his head. "I guess we didn't do a very good job of protecting you." He looked at Misato. "That was our responsibility, and yet we were so concerned with finding the truth, and defending the world, that I guess we forgot about you kids in the process. I hope you can forgive us for that."
"It's okay sir," Shinji said. "We understand."
Kaji smiled, a sad smile. He kept his gaze fixed on Asuka. She seemed very subdued, and not because of her earlier embarrassment. "I'd like to make it up to you," he said. "If you'll give me the chance, that is."
Asuka looked at him, not quite meeting his eyes. After a moment she nodded, once.
Kaji sighed in relief. "Okay, good," he said. "That's the hard part done, anyway." He glanced at Misato. "Now what should we . . . uh oh."
She was making a choking motion with her hands. "Do you know how long I had to work to get that much out of her?" she growled. "Years, man! Two stinking years! And here you just waltz in and . . . argh!"
Kaji held up a hand in a calming gesture. "Come on now, Katsuragi," he said. "Calm down."
Shinji nodded. "Mister Kaji's right, Miss Misato. Asuka's a lot better now, and--"
"Oh, shut up," Misato seethed. "He's still benefiting from all of our hard work." She nodded to herself, affirming her own claims. "Lazy bum! Just sit around in the ocean while the rest of us do all the important stuff, then show up later with that stupid grin . . . " She was on the verge of tears.
Kaji smiled at her, a genuine smile. "Sorry, Katsuragi," he said. "I wish--"
"It's 'Misato'," Asuka interrupted.
Kaji and Misato both looked her way, surprised. "Pardon?" Kaji asked.
"Her name. It's Misato." She looked from one to the other, at the confused expressions on their faces. "You're fucking, right?" Kaji and Misato looked at one another, the latter blushing furiously. "You're in a relationship, right?"
"Well . . . " Kaji began.
"So you're Ryoji, and she's Misato," Asuka explained. "That's how it works, right?"
"Um . . . well . . . " Kaji laughed nervously.
"So stop stonewalling and take responsibility already," Asuka said, weariness in her voice.
"Heh." Kaji coughed, then glanced at Misato. "She's way too clever, that one," he said, indicating Asuka.
Misato smiled. "Yes," she said, thoughtful. "Yes, she is."
Kaji sighed. "I suppose she's right." He squared his shoulders, facing Misato head-on. "Alright then," he said, extending his hand. "Misato."
Misato took his hand, smiling happily. "Ryoji," she said.
Kaji smiled at her for a moment, then turned to the kids. "Well, I guess we've taken up enough of your time," he said. "See you later, I hope?"
Shinji nodded. "Sure!" he said.
Asuka shrugged.
Kaji preceded Misato out the door. Before she left she took Asuka in her arms, giving her a fierce hug. "Thank you," she whispered.
Asuka squirmed in Misato's embrace. "Whatever," she mumbled.
Misato ruffled the girl's hair, then joined Kaji outside.
Shinji shut the door, then turned to Asuka.
"Not one word, Third Child," she growled. She headed back to Shinji's bedroom. Shinji stayed put for a moment, bemused. He wasn't quite sure what to do, until Asuka shouted, "Get in here, you idiot!"
Shinji hurried to comply.

Kaji frowned as Misato closed the door to Shinji's apartment, joining him outside. "Katsu--" He caught himself. "Uh, Misato," he said awkwardly.
She gave him a resigned smile. "You can stick with 'Katsuragi'," she said. "Save the other for when you really mean it."
He held up his hands. "It's not that--"
"I know," she said, touching his arm. "Things are different for us. It's fine."
Kaji sighed with relief. "Okay," he said, offering her a lopsided grin. "Sorry, Katsuragi."
She smiled sadly, taking his arm in hers as they headed back to her apartment. "Anyway," she said, "what is it?"
He nodded, the mask back in place. "The Children," he said. "I don't understand their relationship."
"Oh?" Misato asked.
"She was wearing his shirt," Kaji noted, "and he made it clear they were together, and yet . . . " he trailed off. "I dunno, something just feels off."
She nodded. "Yes, that's true. They're very close, but they're not sleeping together." She frowned. "Or rather, they are sleeping together, but only in the most literal sense of the term. Physical intimacy is difficult for them, but they are very close emotionally."
"I see," Kaji said. He laughed ruefully. "The reverse of us, then."
Misato smiled sadly. "Yes," she said, "I suppose so."
Kaji turned to her, catching her tone. "Sorry, Katsuragi. I didn't mean--"
She shook her head. "No," she said, "it's fine. Don't worry about it."
Kaji sighed and slumped a bit, but let it go. Misato took his arm in hers and led him down the hallway to her apartment. She guided him inside, and then closed the door behind them.

[Bagheera]

Okay! Parts 1 and 2 of O-ki-na-wa! Nothing momentous here, it's all setup. But hopefully it's enjoyable! Please let me know what you think!

July 23, 2021

(click to show/hide)

July 23, 2021

Asuka slurped down the last of her ramen and threw the takeout container in the garbage. "Thanks for bringing me lunch, Shinji," she said.
Shinji smiled at her. "No problem," he said. "I know you've been working hard."
She grimaced. "Don't remind me. I don't know how I let Misato talk me into this; grad school really sucks."
Shinji shrugged. "It's not her fault you're a genius," he said mildly.
She stuck out her tongue, earning her a laugh. Both looked up when they heard a knock on the door.
"Speak of the devil," Asuka said. "What's up, Misato?"
Colonel Katsuragi entered the office, a broad grin on her face. "Heya kids!" she beamed. "I have a surprise for you!" She tapped on her smartphone, then held it toward them, brandishing it proudly. "Ta-da! Tickets for two to O-ki-na-wa!"
"Really?" Shinji said, excitement in his voice. "That's great! Thanks Misato!"
Misato grinned proudly. "I remembered that you two were forced to miss your class trip back when you were piloting, so I thought I'd make it up to you." She turned toward Asuka. "What do you think?"
Asuka made a face. "Pass."
Misato reared back in shock. "Whaaaaaat? But you were furious when you missed it before . . . "
Asuka pulled up her shirt, revealing the scars covering her belly. "I didn't have these before," she said. "And I didn't have to worry about being recognized by someone with an axe to grind, either. No thanks!"
Misato held up a hand, urging calm. "Now Asuka, keep an open mind. There's no need to be a stick in the mud."
Shinji nodded. "Yeah. Besides, that's my job."
Asuka scowled at him. "You're supposed to be on my side," she grumped.
Shinji crossed his arms, sticking out his chin. "Not when you're set on hiding out, I'm not. That's silly, and you shouldn't think like that."
Asuka rolled her eyes. "It's reality, you moron."
Misato shook her head. "Not necessarily," she began. "You'll need a new swimsuit anyway, since you've grown a good twenty centimeters since you last wore one. We'll get you a one-piece so you won't have to feel self-conscious."
Asuka scoffed at her. "That doesn't do anything about my arm," she pointed out. "Or my eye."
Misato crossed her arms, giving Asuka a lopsided grin. "Trust me, Asuka," she said mildly, "when you're decked out in a sexy swimsuit no one's gonna notice your arm." She turned to Shinji. "Right Shinji?"
"Yeah," Shinji said, nodding. He had a faraway look in his eyes. Asuka glared at him and smacked the back of his head. "Stop ogling me," she spat.
"Ow!" He rubbed his head gingerly, giving her an aggrieved look. "I wasn't!"
"You were thinking about it," she grumbled.
Shinji just sighed.
Misato laughed at their antics. "It gets better," she went on. "I booked you in to a hotel on Senega island, which has hot springs with . . . " she paused dramatically. " . . . mixed bathing!"
Asuka blanched. "You gotta be kidding me," she squeaked.
Misato shook her head, grinning shamelessly. "Nope! It's very romantic, and very tasteful. And, most importantly," she said, holding up a finger, "it's very relaxed. I hear it's quite therapeutic."
Shinji nudged Asuka. "That does fit in line with our therapy goals, you know," he said pointedly.
Asuka scowled at him. "You just want an excuse to ogle me," she grumbled.
He nodded sagely. "Yes. I do."
"Oh my god!" she exclaimed, incredulous. "You admit it?"
He rolled his eyes. "I'm your boyfriend, Asuka. I'm supposed to enjoy looking at you."
Misato snickered. Asuka shot her a frosty glare, then asked, "what about security and such?"
Misato nodded. "I've already made the arrangements," she explained. "There will be two Section 2 agents stationed at the hotel, and they'll keep a low profile. You won't even know they're there."
Asuka snorted. "Yeah, right." She looked at Shinji. His eyes were big and round, full of hope and pleading. She sighed, rubbing her eyes with one hand. "Fine," she said. "We can go."
Misato and Shinji both cheered.
Asuka stabbed a finger toward Misato. "But you're buying me that new swimsuit," she grumbled.
Misato nodded. "Yes, yes, that's fine," she said.

Asuka followed Misato into the swimwear shop, thinking perhaps about the last time she'd been in such a place. She grimaced as she looked around. "This is a bad idea," she mumbled.
Misato gave her a reassuring smile and she started looking through swimsuits. "It will be fine," she said. "You'll see. Shinji will show you a good time when you get there. He's grown up a lot lately -- give him some credit."
"Tch," Asuka said. "He's not the problem."
"That's enough of that," Misato said. She held up a suit. "How 'bout this one?"
Asuka wrinkled her nose in distaste. "Boring."
Misato arched an eyebrow. She grabbed another suit. "This one?"
Asuka shook her head. "It's supposed to cover me up, not expose me."
Misato gave her a wicked grin. "This one, then?"
Asuka's eyes went wide. "That . . . that doesn't even have a back!"
Misato laughed. "Sure it does," she said. "It's just a thong."
"That's not a back!" Asuka said, shuddering.
And so it went. Suit after suit was rejected, most because they were "boring" but many on account of coverage (or lack thereof). With two dozen suits down, Misato sighed in exasperation. "Man, Shinji really has his work cut out for him. I know you've been through a lot, but you've gotten really uptight these past few years."
Asuka glowered at her. "It's not like I don't know that," she bit out. "But you should understand how I feel!" she protested. "You have one too!"
Misato shrugged. "Anyone looking my way was always too distracted to focus on my scar. It's never really come up."
Asuka flushed. "Yeah, well, some of us aren't so lucky."
Misato stared at her. "Do you really believe that?" she asked.
Asuka shrugged.
Misato sighed sadly. It seemed kind words weren't going to do the trick. "Well, hopefully Shinji can convince you otherwise. He really--" She stopped, her eyes lighting up. "Oh wow," she said. "That's perfect!"
Asuka followed her gaze, and saw a one-piece turtleneck suit. The legs were cut high, and the front and back were both solid. The best part, though, was the color -- red with white trim.
"You have got to try that on," Misato said.
"But--" Asuka protested.
"No buts," Misato interrupted, voice firm. "That will look great on you, trust me."
Asuka frowned, but grabbed the suit and headed for a fitting room. When she emerged she was tugging at the material above her legs. "It's cut too high," she whined, "and it doesn't cover my ass."
Misato rolled her eyes. "Don't be such a prude, Asuka. You have a great ass, it wouldn't hurt you to show it off a little." She zipped up the suit and guided Asuka to a position in front of a mirror. Her face broke into a broad smile when she saw the girl's reflection. "I knew it," she said triumphantly. "You look great!"
Asuka frowned in concentration, studying her reflection. After a few moments she nodded, satisfied. "I do like the cut of it," she said. "And it does make my legs look good." She nodded again. "Yeah, this one's good. I'll take it."
Misato nodded. "Great! Go get changed and we'll head home."
When Asuka returned, suit in hand, Misato checked the price tag. "12,500 yen?" she whined. "You gotta be kidding me!" She glowered at Asuka. "You have expensive taste, kiddo."
Asuka shrugged. "Don't blame me," she quipped. "You're the one who found it. All I gotta do is look good in it."
Misato laughed. "Well, you're doing your job, then." She sighed as they headed toward the register. "I just hope Shinji appreciates it."

[Bagheera]

And some familiar faces! More on this date later, but I'm tired and drunk now so it will have to wait 'til tomorrow:

August 14, 2021

(click to show/hide)

August 14, 2021

"Hurry up, Asuka!" Misato called. "Takao and Nagara will be here any minute!"
Asuka exited Shinji's room, tying her hair in a ponytail as she went. "I'm coming, I'm coming," she groused. She watched as Misato piled their luggage by the door. "I still don't get why you aren't coming with us," she mused.
Misato smiled brightly. "This is a couples vacation!" she explained. "No sense in me being a third wheel, and it's not like I want to sit around watching other people have fun all day!" Her smile was full of false cheer.
"I really hope Kaji comes back at some point," Shinji said, his voice a low whisper. "This is just depressing."
"I know, right?" Asuka whispered back. "I mean seriously."
Their whispering was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell. Misato opened the door, revealing a hulking man and a woman of Indian descent on the other side. "Ah, right on time!" she chirped.
The man waved. "Hiya kids," he said, perhaps a bit uncomfortably.
The children eyed their escorts warily. "Don't worry," Misato said, a reassuring note in her voice. "These aren't your run of the mill Section 2 agents. Both were good friends with Mr. Kaji! These are Koji Takao and Sumire Nagara! Please make them feel welcome."
Shinji visibly relaxed upon hearing Misato's words. "You knew Mr. Kaji?" he asked.
Takao nodded. "Yes, we've worked together in the past. Good man."
Nagara smirked. "In more ways than one." Misato glared at her, and she shrugged.
Asuka frowned. "Neither of you looks particularly Japanese. You kind of stand out."
Misato laughed, somewhat nervously. "Asuka, be polite."
Nagara waved a hand dismissively. "It's fine," she said. "It's a legitimate question." She turned toward Asuka. "Actually, considering the location, that's an asset," she noted. "Okinawa gets a lot of tourism throughout the Indo-Pacific region, so we'll fit in better than pure Japanese would." She gave Asuka a wry smile. "Same as you, far as that goes."
Asuka flushed, but didn't press the point.
Misato clapped her hands nervously. "Well then, with the introductions out of the way, let's get started!"
Takao and Nagara grabbed the kids' luggage, and the group proceeded downstairs. As they went, Asuka's curiosity got the best of her. "So," she asked Nagara, "are you and Takao . . . ?"
Nagara didn't miss a beat. "Not at this time," she said. She didn't elaborate.
Asuka stifled a snicker. She decided she and this Nagara woman were going to get along just fine.

Asuka dozed in her seat, the fingers of her hand loosely twined with Shinji's. Shinji looked out the airplane's window, marveling at the great blue expanse beneath them. They were perhaps an hour away from Okinawa island, where they would switch planes before heading to Senega airport. Nagara and Takao sat across the aisle, he following Asuka's example while she read a magazine.
It wasn't long before Asuka started to dream. "Mama," she whimpered. "Please look at me. Please don't . . . " she trailed off, then whimpered again.
Nagara looked up from her magazine, struck by the pain in the girl's voice. "Mr. Ikari," she said, her voice subdued, "should we wake her?"
Shinji shook his head. His jaw was clenched, and while he continued to look out the window he no longer seemed interested in the scenery. "It's worse if she wakes up in the middle of it," he said softly. "It's best to let her sleep. She'll be grumpy when she wakes up, but the dream won't be fresh in her mind."
Nagara frowned, unconvinced. But she ultimately shrugged and returned to reading her magazine.

"Oh my god," Asuka exclaimed, outrage in her voice.
They were unpacking, having just settled into their hotel room. "What is it?" Shinji asked, concerned.
Asuka held a fistful of material. "This!" she snarled. "How the fuck did this end up in my bag?"
Shinji struggled to see what she had in hand. "Um . . . " he began.
Asuka huffed in annoyance. "This, you idiot!" she said, holding the material in front of him. It included a zipper front bikini top, coupled with a thong bikini bottom.
Shinji blushed furiously. "That . . . " he stammered. "I didn't have anything to do with that!" he said.
Asuka stared at him contemptuously. "Of course you didn't," she said. "You wouldn't have the nerve."
Shinji flinched, but was unable to deny the extreme justice of Asuka's comment.
"This is Misato's work," the girl went on, "I'm sure of it. She had our bags this morning, remember? She obviously stuck it in when I was getting ready."
"Well . . . " Shinji began, trying to be diplomatic, "even if that's true, why would she do that?"
Asuka snorted. "Because she thinks I'm a prude," she said. "She thinks I need to 'branch out'." She said the last using scare quotes.
Shinji thought a moment. "Oh." He licked his lips, then said "Well . . . "
Asuka just stared at him. "Don't even think it, idiot. Not even in your dreams."
Shinji laughed nervously. "Sorry," he said.
Asuka sighed. "Stop apologizing, you moron." She threw the outfit into her bag, then retrieved another. "Let's just hit the beach."
Shinji nodded, grabbing his swim trunks. "Okay," he said, "Ready to go."

Asuka exited the bathroom stall, duffel bag in hand. She headed toward Nagara, then turned so the woman could zip up her suit.
"That's a great suit," Nagara said, zipping up her suit, "and you wear it well. You have excellent taste."
Asuka's cheeks colored a little. "Thanks," she mumbled.
Nagara smirked. "I can see Takao and I will have our hands full," she mused. "You'll be getting all sorts of attention wearing that."
Asuka scowled. "Whaaaaaaat?" she whined. "It doesn't even show any skin!"
Nagara chuckled. "Doesn't matter. It's stylish, and you're wearing it. Quite frankly you could make a canvas bag look good, and this is a hell of a lot more than that."
"Tch," Asuka said. "Did Misato pay you to say that?"
Nagara stared at her, genuinely surprised. "Of course not," she said. "Why would she have to? It's obvious to anyone who's looking."
Asuka held up her right hand. "I'm not stupid, you know," she spat.
Nagara snorted. "Miss Soryu, look in the mirror," she said, turning Asuka so she could see her reflection. "Do you honestly think anyone will care about a few scars when they get a look at that body?"
Asuka colored again. "Well . . . " she hedged.
Nagara sighed. "Trust me," she said, "we'll be busy." She smirked. "I just hope we don't have to fend off Mr. Ikari. That could get awkward."
Asuka scowled. "He doesn't have the nerve," she muttered.
Nagara raised an eyebrow. "Oh?" she asked.
"Trust me," Asuka spat, "bitter experience speaking here."
Nagara hummed. "Well, I suppose we'll see," she said.

Shinji and Takao were waiting for the girls outside the bathroom. When they emerged, their reaction was both unmistakable and immediate.
Takao let out a low whistle at the sight of her. Shinji, for his part, just stared, slack-jawed. Nagara rolled her eyes at the both of them.
Asuka glared at Shinji. "Oh, come on," she spat. "At least pretend you're an adult."
Shinji blinked, then shook his head. "Come on, Asuka," he said. "You're not fighting fair."
Asuka stomped her foot, hands on hips. "I am so!" she protested. "It doesn't show any skin at all!"
Shinji gave her a weak smile. "But it's cool, and it's red, and those legs . . ."
Asuka rolled her eyes. "You're pathetic," she said, her voice full of contempt.
Shinji shrugged. "I can't help it," he said. "You're beautiful."
Asuka flushed, then stabbed a hand toward the water. "Beach," she said. "Now."
Shinji headed for the water.

"There's something I've noticed," Nagara mused. They were sitting at a picnic table, she and Takao, watching the Children as they played on the beach.
"What's that?" Takao asked.
"These kids are . . . I'm not quite sure how to put it," she said. "There's an odd heaviness about them."
Takao nodded in agreement. "I've noticed that as well," he said. "There's no passion or ambition in anything they do. It's as though just getting by takes all of their energy."
"Perhaps it does," Nagara mused.
"Mmm?" he asked.
"Well," she went on, "if I understand it right, they're both suffering from some pretty severe PTSD. So maybe this is the best they can manage."
Takao shrugged. "Maybe so," he agreed. "But I don't think they've given up just yet."
"What do you mean?" Nagara asked.
"Have you noticed how she poses for him?" he asked. "She knows how that suit affects him, and every now and then she'll give him just enough of a look at her ass to keep his attention. If he's obvious about looking she'll lay into him, but if he's subtle she'll let him look as long as he likes. And, surprisingly, he's usually pretty good about being subtle."
Nagara nodded, smiling. "Yeah, I caught that. She wants him to look at her, but she doesn't want to feel like a piece of meat. I can relate," she added, rather pointedly.
Takao held up his hands. "Hey now, don't start with that," he grumbled.
She laughed. "Sorry, sorry. I didn't mean anything by it."
Takao relaxed, mollified. "Anyway . . . didn't they say something about going to that IEA facility tomorrow?"
"Yes, that was my understanding," Nagara said, nodding. She smirked. "It should be amusing to watch them go through the decontamination procedures."
"Heh. That's a pretty big facility, isn't it?" he asked.
Nagara nodded. "Yeah, seems so. It sounds amazing; they're apparently doing a lot of work to restore all sorts of animals lost in the Impacts, and to restore the world's oceans as well. It's a huge project."
"Hmmm," Takao mused. "Does that tie in with Ikari's work at all?"
Nagara shook her head. "The way I understand it, the project has U.N. funding but is administered by the Japanese government, and by Okinawa prefecture specifically. Herz is a major backer, but they are not directly involved."
"Ah. Well, that should be interesting for him, then," Takao said.
Nagara nodded. "Yeah. Hopefully it'll get him to stop moping so much," she groused. She turned to watch the Children as they continued tossing a frisbee back and forth. "Though it's not like staring at her isn't already helping with that!"

[Bagheera]

Okay, lots of changes. The date of Kaji's return is shifted to March of 2021. Minor changes to the last part of the previous scene. And, finally, a new scene! My experiments with callbacks haven't worked well in the past, but I think I maybe I got it right this time. We'll see what y'all think. Here we go:

August 15, 2021

(click to show/hide)

August 15, 2021

Shinji looked out the window of the helicopter as it approached the facility, awestruck by the sheer size of the thing. Huge rivers of LCL-rich water flowed into it from the ocean, passing through a series of filters before finally exiting the other side as normal seawater. "This place is amazing," he said.
Asuka shrugged, unimpressed. "How long will it take to restore the oceans, I wonder?"
"Years," he said. "Decades even. But they're actually doing it! I can't believe it."
"You'll be doing it in a few years, won't you?" she asked.
Shinji nodded. "Yeah. Well, something like it, anyway. Misato wants me to be in charge of administering projects like this one."
Asuka snorted. "Well, glad you'll be doing something useful, at least. There's nothing worse than a housebroken male."
Shinji scowled at her. "I thought you liked my cooking," he said petulantly.
Asuka rolled her eyes. "I do," she replied. "But if that was all you were good for it'd just be pathetic."
Shinji sighed, but let the comment pass. Minutes later the helicopter landed, and the Children and their escorts stepped out. They made their way to the facility's entrance, keeping their heads down as they went. A sign near the entrance read "Japan Marine Ecosystem Preservation Research Organization."
Kaji waved at them from behind a window. "Welcome!" he said, speaking through a radio. "You're right on time. Unfortunately, things will get a bit complicated from here on out."
The visitors looked at one another in confusion, but learned what he meant a moment later when they began decontamination procedures. Said procedures began in the Long Wave Irradiation Decontamination Room. After they'd entered, a voice on a loudspeaker said "Please remove all clothing and place it in the available receptacles."
"I still don't understand why we have to do this naked," Asuka grumbled.
"It's a decontamination process, Ms. Soryu," Nagara said. "Since clothing is made of all sorts of materials there's no telling what sort of contaminants it could introduce, so it's easier to focus on decontaminating humans alone and then give them temporary clothing on the other side."
"Yeah, yeah," Asuka mumbled. "Whatever." Asuka narrowed her eyes at Shinji as they stripped down. "Be very careful where you put your eyes, Third," she growled, with a pointed stare at Nagara.
Shinji sighed. "I know, I know," he said. "I won't stare at either of you."
Once the procedure began, they were subject to a brilliant flash of light that disintegrated the top layer of their skin, followed by scalding hot jets of steam meant to clear away the residue. Nagara and Takao endured the process with quiet dignity. The Children did not. Shinji bounced all over the place, while Asuka complained -- loudly. Once the jets turned off she said, "I swear to God, Third, I'm going to make you suffer for dragging me through this!"
Shinji didn't even bother to apologize.
The second procedure took place in the Organic Compound Electrolytic Dissociation Sterilization Pool Treatment Room, and involved their being fully immersed in water. The water had a hint of a chlorine smell to it, and it was very cold. Their discomfort intensified when, after the water had drained from the room, they were blasted with jets of frigid air, for unspecified reasons.
The third procedure took place in the Oxygenated Fluorocarbon Emulsion Pulmonary Infusion Room, and it began with their being forced to drink and breathe a strange, pink liquid. "What the hell is that stuff?" Asuka griped.
Shinji laughed weakly. "Just think of it as LCL, I guess?"
Asuka shot him a dark look, then dove under the rising tide and took a deep breath.
The final procedure actually did involve LCL. It took place in the LCL Infusion A-10 Carrier Decontamination Room. The room filled with LCL, making the Children sigh in misery as it brought up unpleasant memories. Once the room filled, the inhabitants jerked about as a powerful electric charge filled the room, making their hair stand on end. The LCL drained from the room, and they exited to find a number of showers and changing stations in the room beyond.
Finally they entered the aquarium, thoroughly miserable, but their eyes widened in wonder at what lay before them. It was one of the largest aquariums ever built, and it was absolutely teeming with life. Asuka tried to be unimpressed -- she really did -- but even she had to admit the place was awe-inspiring.
"Wow!" Shinji exclaimed. "Are all of these animals that lived before Second Impact?" He ran up to the glass, taking it all in. "What is that?" he asked, pointing to a strange creature with flippers and a shell.
"A hawksbill sea turtle," Nagara said, referencing their guidebook.
"Weird," Asuka muttered.
Shinji pointed out some translucent creatures. "And those?" he asked.
"Jellyfish," Nagara supplied.
"Those are creepy," Asuka said with distaste.
Shinji gave her a peeved look. "C'mon, Asuka," he pleaded. "This stuff's amazing."
She shrugged. "Eh, whatever."
Shinji ignored her and pointed to something else. "And that?"
"A manta ray," Nagara said.
Asuka didn't know what to make of it. "Huh," she said. "That's--" She broke off, her eyes lighting on the biggest fish she'd ever seen. "Holy hell, what the fuck is that?" she whispered.
Nagara smirked. "That," she replied, " is a whale shark." She frowned. "Wait, that doesn't make any sense. How can it be both?"
"I think the 'whale' part refers to its size," Takao said, amused. "Those things are huge."
Shinji snickered at Asuka's reaction. "Why are you so surprised?" he asked. "We fought stuff much larger than that back when we were piloting."
"That was different," she snapped. "We were in Evas then, and those were aliens!" She turned back, looking at the shark. "But that . . . that thing's from here! That's--" She broke off again, noting another shark. "Oh wow, there are more of them?" They looked around the exhibit, noting at least a half dozen of the giant fish.
"I don't believe this," Asuka said. She returned her gaze to eye level, seeing a giant octopus in front of her. "Eek!" she yelled, rearing back.
Shinji laughed again. "Just think of it as takoyaki!" he said.
"Oh, shut up, Third," she snapped. Her irritation faded quickly, though, as they explored more and more of the facility. There were many different tanks and exhibits, each filled with an astonishing variety of creatures. Try as she might, Asuka couldn't help but show some interest after awhile. At one point, they chanced upon an enclosure filled with penguins. Asuka and Shinji turned toward one another, wearing identical smirks. "We should've brought Pen Pen," she said, amused.
Shinji laughed. "Yeah, he'd love it here. He'd have his own little kingdom." They watched the penguins for awhile, then turned to leave. As they walked to another exhibit, he frowned.
Asuka noticed, of course. "What's wrong?" she asked with a huff.
"Nothing," he replied, holding up his hands. "It's just that . . . I wish Ayanami was here."
Asuka glared at him. "And why is that?" she asked, her tone frosty.
"Well . . . " he began. "She created all of this, right? Life, I mean. I guess I just . . . wish she had a chance to enjoy it."
Asuka stared at him, frowning, then shrugged and let it go. "You shouldn't dwell on it," she said softly. "She gave up her life for your sake, so pay her back by appreciating what you have."
Shinji smirked at her. "Like you?" he asked.
Asuka's eyes went wide. "Now wait just a minute--" she began, irritated.
Shinji held up his hands. "Sorry, sorry," he said with a laugh. "I'm just kidding."
Asuka scowled. "Hmph."

"Thanks for the food!" The group had met up with Kaji, and was enjoying a hearty lunch, courtesy of Shinji.
"This is really good," Asuka said.
Kaji nodded. "Yeah. Nice job with the grilling and seasoning."
Nagara took a bite. "How can meat that's 90% artificial taste so good depending on how it's prepared?"
"This is why I make Shinji do most of the cooking," Asuka observed, digging in. She smirked. "Housebroken males have their uses."
Shinji groaned.
Kaji laughed. "Don't feel too bad, Shinji," he said. "After all, it's a fact that men who can cook get all the girls!" he went on, casually waving his chopsticks in Asuka's direction.
Asuka flushed, prompting a round of laughter from everyone assembled.
Takao gobbled his portion down, then said, "It's a useful talent," he admitted. "Though I never quite got the hang of it myself."
Nagara gave him a bland look. "That's because you never bothered to learn," she observed.
He shrugged. "What can I say?"
"You're being old-fashioned," Asuka said. "How stupid."
All eyes turned to her. "My my," Nagara mused, taking a bite of her bento. "Such delicious irony."
Asuka flinched. "Hey!" she said.
"Whatever," Shinji said, trying to defuse the situation. "Just eat, eat!" Asuka took a bite of the food and found she couldn't stay mad for long.

"It's hard to believe the entire ocean was like this just a few years ago," Shinji said. He and Kaji were standing atop one of the barriers separating the LCL sea from the purified water surrounding Okinawa Island. "I feel bad for messing it up," he went on.
Kaji gave him a reassuring smile. "You shouldn't," he said. "Third Impact was very traumatic, but it gave everyone a chance to start over. Billions of people are alive now because of you. You should be proud of that."
Shinji's eyes widened. "Billions?"
Kaji nodded. "Half the world's population was lost in the aftermath of Second Impact. Because of Lilith's efforts, efforts she made on your behalf, all of those people have the opportunity to return. Not all of them have, of course." He smiled sadly. "And in some places, far too many have come back, which has led to some of the same problems that got them killed to begin with. But even so, getting a second chance like that is a wonderful thing."
Shinji nodded. "That's right," he agreed. "Asuka's alive because of that, isn't she? And Misato, and you . . . everyone I've lost is back, apart from Ayanami and Kaworu."
"And now," Kaji went on, "we're restoring the world. Even the simple act of making the world livable again is quite the feat, but we've pooled our resources and begun to make it happen. That wouldn't have been possible without your efforts."
"I'm glad I came here," Shinji said. He frowned. "But I wish Miss Misato had come as well."
"Katsuragi wouldn't come," Kaji said. "The ocean makes her remember."
"Remember what?" Shinji asked.
"Second Impact," he said.
Shinji thought for a moment. "That's right," he said. "Her father . . . "
Kaji nodded. "In the end," Kaji went on, "she was saved by the very father she resented." He turned toward Shinji, giving him a weak smile. "Being a survivor means many things," he said. "You must accept the sacrifices of the dead, and carry on their wills. This is all the more true when you are alone."
"I see," Shinji said. "But," he murmured, "she's not alone, is she? Not anymore. She has us."
Kaji laughed. "That's true," he said. He thought a moment. "I think that, with the Angels gone, she was finally able to let her father go and focus on her own life."
Shinji stared at the water thoughtfully. "Is that true?" he mused. "I wonder what he said to her in Instrumentality."
Kaji gave him a curious look. Any reply he might have given was cut off by a shout from the barrier wall. "What are  you two doing out here?" Asuka whined, standing near the access hatch. "You should be in here, with me."
Kaji laughed. "Sorry, Asuka dear," he said. "Shinji and I were just having a talk, man to man. You don't mind, do you?"
Asuka shrugged. "Whatever. He needs a good talking to." She crossed her arms. "But wandering off without me? Unacceptable."
Shinji gave her a nervous smile. "Sorry, 'Suka," he said, he and Kaji making their way toward her.
She shrugged. "Hmph," she said. She eyed him sidelong. "Well, if you're done with your 'talk', can we get back to the fish and such?"
Kaji laughed. "I thought they were boring!"
"They're weird, but as long as we're here we might as well see it all." She glowered at Shinji. "I didn't endure all of that crap so you two could sit here and jawjack like you do at home!"
Shinji rolled his eyes. "Alright," he said, humoring her. "Let's get back to the fish, then!"

[Bagheera]

Okay, new chapter! Sorry it's late, edits are a bitch. I'm sure it's not done, but I wanna get it out there and get feedback. Please be gentle. 

August 21, 2021

(click to show/hide)

August 21, 2021

Asuka exited the bathroom, heading toward the bed to flop down next to Shinji. "I'm tired," she mumbled.
Shinji nodded. "Yeah," he agreed. "Me too."
"I guess the festival was good and all," she went on, "but it took a lot out of me."
"Yeah," he said again.
Shinji had almost fallen asleep when she spoke again. "Shinji?" she asked.
"Hmmm?" he asked sleepily.
Asuka bit her lip. "Wanna go to the onsen?"
He turned his head, looking at her in confusion. "Huh?" he asked.
"The onsen," she mumbled. "Do you want to go?"
He paused a moment. "Really?" he asked.
She nodded.
"Um," he hedged. "That is, I, um . . . "
She narrowed her eyes. "If you don't want to--"
"It's not that!" he said, interrupting her. "I'm just surprised, that's all." He gave her an earnest smile. "I . .  . I'd like to go," he said. "Really."
"Hmph." She sat up, her brows knit. She stared at him for a moment, then relented. "Fine, then. Let's go." She got up, and began gathering bathing supplies. He followed her lead, before they exited the room and headed down to the hotel lobby.

Asuka frowned as she looked at the entrance to the onsen. "What the hell's the point of having mixed bathing if the washrooms are still separate? This sucks!"
"They do have family and private rooms," Shinji noted.
"That's just like taking a bath at home," Asuka muttered.
Shinji shook his head. "I don't think so," he said. "I read about them in the guidebook a few days ago. It said they're pretty big, and that they're outdoors, just like the main pools."
"Oh, please. They're probably kiddie pools or something," Asuka groused, unconvinced.
Shinji frowned, then smiled reassuringly. "Let's at least take a look," he said. "It can't hurt, right?"
Asuka shrugged, then reluctantly let him lead the way.

Asuka looked at the pool, a satisfied smile on her face. "Not bad, Third Child." She said. She nodded. "Yeah, this should work out fine."
Shinji sighed in relief. "Thank goodness," he said. "I wasn't sure you'd like it."
"Heh." She turned, heading back in to the washroom. "Let's get started then, eh?"
Shinji nodded, following her.
As she got undressed, Asuka said, "Just so we're clear, I'm really trusting you here. You better not do anything perverted!"
Shinji gave her a pained look. "Aren't I supposed to do perverted things to you? To want to, at least? I mean . . . "
She scowled at him. "Not right now! And not here!"
Shinji sighed. "Well, it's a moot point," he said primly, turning on the water. "Making you mad is the last thing in the world I want, so I'd never do something like that if you didn't want me to."
Asuka relaxed a bit, mollified. "Alright then," she breathed. "Then you can, y'know, wash my back and stuff." She sat on the bench, then handed him her body wash. "Here."
Shinji took the bottle and sat behind her, then grabbed the shower head and ran warm water down her back. He ran his hand over her back, taking note of the many tiny scars marring her otherwise beautiful skin. "I think you make too much of these," he murmured. "I don't think they look bad at all. I know you don't believe that, but it's true. That's what I think, anyway."
She huffed. "Yeah, well, you're an idiot, so your opinion doesn't count."
Shinji sighed, giving her a pained look. She didn't notice, of course, facing the other way as she was. He put the shower head down, then opened the body wash and squirted some into his hand. He rubbed his hands together, inhaling the sweet strawberry scent, then began to gently scrub her back.
Asuka mewled in contentment. "That feels nice," she murmured.
"Heh. We do live together, you know," he said, his voice low. "I can do this for you any time you like."
Asuka scowled. "Don't start with that, Shinji."
"Sorry," he said. "Just something to think about, that's all."
"You think I don't think about it?" she snapped. "You think I don't think about it every single day?" She stiffened under his hands, her irritation obvious.
He stopped for a moment, then squeezed her shoulders gently. "I know," he said. "I didn't mean anything by it. Please, don't be mad."
She took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. "Sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to snap at you. Rinse me off," she said. He did, and then she said, "okay, that's fine. Turn around. I'll do you next."

After Asuka finished with Shinji they finished cleaning themselves individually, then washed their hair. After that they wrapped towels around themselves and made for the pool. While not as large as the main pools, it was still rather substantial -- easily large enough to accommodate eight or so people comfortably. Asuka approached the edge, somewhat nervous, and then, with a deep breath, she dropped her towel and slipped into the warm water. A moment later Shinji followed suit.
"This is nice," Asuka said, swimming about in the shallow water.
"Yeah," Shinji agreed. "It feels good to relax after all the confusion of the festival."
Asuka fell silent for a few minutes, making her way back and forth across the pool. She looked at Shinji, sitting by the edge, his eyes closed and his head back. She chewed her lip thoughtfully. "Shinji?" she called to him.
He opened his eyes, turning to look at her. "Eh?" he asked.
"Come here," she said.
He waded over to her, a curious expression on his face. "What is it?" he asked.
"I--" She frowned. "It's just that . . . " She scowled, then leaned forward and kissed him. He froze in shock for a moment, then gently wrapped his arms around her, returning the kiss. She rested her hands on his chest, kneading it absently as her tongue wrestled with his. The kiss continued for a minute or so, until she clenched one hand into a fist, gently pushing him away. "Damn it," she whispered.
Shinji shook his head. "It's fine," he said. "Don't worry--"
"It's not fine!" she snapped. "It's fucking awful."
"I don't mind," he persisted.
Asuka splashed him with water. "For Christ's sake, Shinji, will you stop being such a fucking doormat all the time? I don't know what I expect you to do about it, but you could at least pretend it bothers you."
"But it doesn't," he said. He frowned. "Well, not really."
She tossed her head in irritation. "What are you talking about?" she snapped.
He shook his head. "I don't like seeing you upset, so that part bothers me. But I don't mind the rest of it. I just want to be with you," he said. "As long as we're together, that's enough for me."
Asuka snorted, crossing her arms. "Well, I'm glad you're content to be with a defective partner, but that doesn't do me any good. I'm still . . . useless." She was on the verge of tears, now.
Shinji shook his head again. "You don't understand," he said.
She glared at him. "I understand Japanese just fine, you moron."
He held up his hands. "No," he said, "that's not what I meant. What I meant was . . . " he sighed. "I don't think you're defective, Asuka."
She gave him a bewildered look. "Are you stupid?" she asked.
"No," he said firmly. "Not this time." He stood, pulling her up with him. "When I said I just wanted to be with you, I meant it.  I didn't mean I'd tolerate being with you even though we can't do this one thing." He stared at her, meeting her gaze directly. "I meant I want to share my life with you. As long as we're together, as long as we're close, that's what matters. I don't care about the details. A physical relationship, making love . . . that sounds great, but . . . " He scratched his head, considering. "Well, I'm not exactly healthy in that department either. So, maybe that's not for us. Maybe that's not the sort of relationship that will make us happy, and we're just fixated on it because it's what everyone else does. And if that's true, then maybe we don't need it." He looked into her eyes, his gaze firm. "We already sleep together, and bathe together, and hold one another when we're hurting. We're together. That's what's important. That's what I value."
She just stared at him, wide-eyed. "Shinji," she breathed.
He took her hands in his own. "If it feels right, we'll do it," he said gently. "And if it doesn't, we won't. I don't think we'll ever be like other people, but that's alright. This, what we have right here? This is fine. It's good." He gently squeezed her hands. "I know happiness isn't really our thing, but this is enough to make me content. And I want you to be content with it too. Can't you be satisfied with that?" He looked at her, his eyes pleading. "Please?" he begged.
She looked to one side, her brows knit as he mind worked. A few moments later she looked back at him. "Is it really okay?" she asked. "Would you really be satisfied if we never . . . you know. Would that really be fine with you?"
He brought a hand to her cheek, cupping her face gently. "I'd like to see it happen someday," he whispered. "But if it doesn't, that's fine." He gave her a tender kiss, then pulled back. "I love you, Asuka. That's enough."
She sniffled, then twined her arms around his neck, pressing close, embracing him. "Okay," she whispered, her voice barely audible. He held her close, stroking her back gently. They stood silently for several moments, the heat of the pool surrounding them. "Shinji?" Asuka asked.
"Yeah?" he replied.
"I like it when you're not an idiot," she said, her voice a breathy whisper. "You should do that more often."
He smiled at her, rubbing her back. "Okay," he said. "I'll try harder, then."

"Why do you feel so strongly about all of this, anyway?" Asuka asked. They were walking along the beach now, having gotten dressed and left the bath a short time earlier. Nagara and Takao followed them, a discreet distance separating the two pairs.
Shinji gave her a strange look. "What do you mean?" he asked.
"Us. Our relationship. It's like you're totally committed to it, no questions asked." She frowned, considering. "You've been like that ever since Third Impact, but you never were before. And I don't get it. I'm not exactly a nice person; I'm kind of a bitch sometimes, especially to you. And I know I've hurt you a lot. But even so, you seem absolutely determined to stay with me, no matter what. And I don't understand why."
Shinji looked out at the ocean, gathering his thoughts as he watched the moonlight dancing across the waves. He took a deep breath and released it slowly. "I . . . " He frowned. "Well, I've always been a little. . . obstinate, I guess?" Asuka made a face, and he shushed her. "Back when we were piloting," he went on, "Misato was always frustrated, because she couldn't just order me to do something. If I didn't want to do it, I wouldn't do it, ever. I always had to come up with my own reasons for piloting, and that was true for everything I did."
Asuka nodded. "Okay . . . "
"When I learned about your feelings during Instrumentality . . . " He broke off, frowning. "No, not during Instrumentality. The time before, I guess." He shrugged. "Anyway, when I learned about what had happened to you, about how you felt . . . well, I couldn't ignore that. Part of it was sympathy, since I knew you'd suffered so much. But part of it . . . " he shook his head. "There's something fierce about you, Asuka. Something strong and proud. And that inspires me. I love seeing that in you. It makes me want to be around you, even if you are kind of a bitch sometimes."
"Hey!" she said, smacking his arm.
He laughed at her. "You just admitted it!" he protested.
"Even so, you shouldn't say that about your girlfriend," she complained.
"Sorry, sorry. But I mean it. I want to see you succeed, to see you thrive, because just being around you when you're doing well makes me want to do better myself." His expression darkened. "And I hate it when you're hurting. That roaring fire in you fades to dull embers, and it's painful to see. I can't stand that, so when I see you like that I have to do something about it."
"Tch," she said. "Is that why you provoke me all the time? You distract me by making me angry so I won't have time to dwell on things that will make me miserable?"
"Uh, well . . . " He laughed, scratching his head. "I don't exactly put that much thought into it, but maybe? I guess?"
She smirked at him. After a moment's thought, she scratched her nose with her finger and said, "Let's go back to the room, Shinji. I have a surprise for you."
"Eh?" he asked, curious. "What do you mean?"
She just hmmmed and said nothing more.

When they got back to the room Asuka headed for her suitcase, rooting around until she found what she wanted.
"So what's this surprise, Asuka?" Shinji asked.
"Well," she said, a coy smile on her face. "Since you've been saying such nice things about me tonight, I decided to repay you with a little gift." She held out her prize in front of her. "I've decided I'll model this disgusting little suit Misato bought, letting you stare your pervy little heart out. What do you think of that, hmmm?"
Shinji looked at the suit and gulped. "Oh wow," he said, his eyes going wide.
Asuka gave him a satisfied smirk, pleased with his reaction. She planted her hand on his chest and gave him a firm push. He lost his balance, falling back on the bed. "You just wait there," she said, heading for the bathroom. "I'll be right back." She closed the door.
Shinji just stared at the door, unable to process what was happening to him. He heard the sounds of her undressing, and tried very hard not to let his imagination run wild. It didn't work. Presently, he heard a whine from the other side of the door. "Kyaaaaaa!" Asuka wailed. "This thing is disgusting! How can anyone even wear something like this?" The door opened a crack, and she stuck out her head. "You better appreciate your good fortune, you stupid brat! You have no idea how embarrassing this is!"
"I appreciate it!" he swore, nodding eagerly. "I'm very happy right now!"
"You better be," she muttered. She zipped up the front of the suit, then looked at herself in the mirror. As with her other suit, this one had a mock turtleneck collar. But unlike that suit, this one barely covered her breasts. The highleg bikini bottom was similarly scandalous, and she didn't even want to think about the thong back. But even so, she had to admit it looked good on her. The dark color suited her. She nodded, satisfied, and turned to exit the room. "Alright, I'm coming out."
She entered the room, and smirked when she got the expected reaction from Shinji. His mouth hung open, and he could only stare at her, utterly fascinated. When she turned around to give him a view of her backside he shifted uncomfortably, one hand covering his mouth as he drank in the sight of her. She watched him carefully, looking for signs of pity or disgust. But all she saw was admiration and lust. She ran a hand over her belly, running her fingers over her scars. "You really don't care about these at all, do you?"
He could only shake his head mutely. His eyes roamed everywhere, as though he couldn't decide what part of her he liked best. Now her breasts, now her legs, now her belly, even her throat, framed as it was by the short collar of her suit. She smiled as he leered at her, planting her hands on her hips and letting him stare as he liked. "I used to hate being stared at," she murmured. "But since you seem to like it so much . . . " She smiled absently. "Maybe I could get used to this," she mused. 
Shinji's eyes widened at the thought. "Oh wow," he said.
She quirked an eyebrow. "Oh?" she asked. "Like that idea, do you?"
Shinji nodded eagerly, utterly lost in the moment. "You're so beautiful, Asuka," he breathed. "I've never seen anyone so beautiful in my life."
She rolled her eyes. "You're either lying or you're an idiot," she laughed.
He shook his head. "I don't think I'm either," he said.
She tossed her head. "Well, whatever. Either way, I guess I gave you some material for your next 'alone time,' eh?" she asked, a lecherous grin on her face.
Shinji blinked. "Huh?"
"You know," she said. "When you . . . " she pointed toward his crotch.
Shinji's face fell, and he looked to the side. "I don't do that anymore," he muttered.
Asuka stared at him in surprise. "Really? Not even a little?"
"No. Never. Not since that day." His voice was dark and bitter.
Asuka grimaced. "Shinji . . . " she began.
"Just the thought of it disgusts me," he spat. He turned toward her, his gaze no longer admiring. "Why would you think I would do that? How could I?"
"But . . . well, what do you do when you get all excited and stuff?" she asked, her voice rising a bit.
"Nothing. I just deal with it," he muttered. "Maybe take a cold shower or something. It doesn't happen that often anyway."
"Shinji . . . " she began. She joined him on the bed. "Do you think that makes me happy? Do you think I want you to suffer like that? Particularly after today?"
He shook his head. "No."
"What you did back then was pretty rotten," she said, her voice like honey, "but you've apologized for it, and I've accepted it. I don't want you to punish yourself like this."
"Thanks," he mumbled, shrugging, "but it doesn't matter. It's not like I'm just denying myself or something, I just can't do it. The very thought of it disgusts me. I said in the pool that I was broken, just like you are. This is one of the ways that's true."
She stared at him, frowning. She chewed her lip for a moment, then nodded in decision. "I see," she said. "Then if that's so, I guess I'll have to help you out."

And the lemon (i.e., don't read if you're squicked by acts between consenting adults):

(click to show/hide)

Shinji jerked his head around to face her, his eyes as wide as saucers. "Asuka . . . you . . . "
"'If it feels right, we'll do it,'" she said, quoting his words from earlier. "That's what you said, right?" she asked, smiling at his confusion. "Well, it feels right. So I'm gonna help you out." She grabbed his shorts. "If you don't want me to, now's the time to say so."
"I . . . I . . . I . . ." he stammered.
She smirked. "That's what I thought," she said, tugging off his shorts. She took him in her hand, stroking him gently. "I don't think I can manage sex tonight," she mumbled, "But I can still take care of you." She pushed him toward the wall. "Back up against the wall," she said gently. "I want you to be able to see me."
He scurried up toward the head of the bed, propping the pillows behind him so he was comfortable. When he was settled she glided between his legs, taking him in hand again. "I can't promise this will be world class," she muttered, "since I've never done this before. But I'm not an idiot! After our last time . . . well, let's just say I did some research and leave it at that." She shot him a stern glare. "Be sure to tell me if I do anything you don't like!" she ordered. "I don't want to hurt you, you know."
He nodded. "Okay," he said.
She stroked him a few times, then bent down and took him in her mouth. She experimented, using her fist and mouth in different combinations, listening carefully to see what he liked and what he didn't. As for Shinji, he was in heaven; every time he looked down he saw the mass of her hair covering his lap, and her gorgeous backside hunched over her knees as she worked. It was a glorious sight, and watching it made him reach his peak quickly.
As his orgasm approached he pushed at Asuka's shoulders. "Asuka," he moaned, "I'm gonna--"
But rather than pull away from him she instead pushed forward, taking him all the way down her throat as he came. He tangled his fingers in her hair and held her head, howling in ecstasy as she drank him dry. When it was over he went limp, breathing heavily, a beatific smile on his face.
Asuka released him, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand as she sat back and surveyed the results of her handiwork. "That wasn't as bad as I thought it would be," she murmured. "Hikari made it sound like it would be awful. Maybe you just taste good or something."
Shinji shook his head in wonder. "I thought girls hated doing that," he said.
She shrugged. "Don't be stupid," she spat. "I'm Asuka Langley Soryu. If I'm gonna do something, I'm gonna be the best at it." She flushed. "Even if it is just a stupid blowjob."
Shinji chuckled at that. Then he leaned forward and grabbed her shoulders, pulling her close for a kiss.
"Hey--" she protested, but it was too late -- his mouth had covered hers, and he was kissing her more passionately than at any point in recent memory. She pushed him away. "Shinji, what's--"
"Please, Asuka," he begged. "You have to let me make you feel like that. You just have to."
She crossed her arms, kneeling on the bed. "Now look," she said huffily, "I think I've been very nice to you tonight. You shouldn't--"
"You have," he said, nodding eagerly. "You've been very nice. I'm so grateful! And that's why I want to return the favor. I want you to feel the way I feel now. Please."
"Well . . . " She looked at him, at the earnestness in his face, and found she couldn't deny him. She coughed. "Well, it's not like I'm not a little excited anyway. But I don't want your mouth down there!" she warned, holding up a finger. "That's disgusting. And be careful with your tongue! You know I'm touchy about that!"
Shinji nodded. "I'll be careful, I promise."
She shrugged, moving beside him. "Yeah, well, we'll see." She paused, then brought her hand to the zipper of her suit's top. "I suppose you want this off?" she asked.
He nodded. "It would help," he said mildly.
"Tch." She unzipped the top, tossing it to the side. "Jesus, Third, you're so greedy. I give you an inch and you take a mile. That's so typical."
"I can't help it," he said, reaching over her to cup a breast. "You're so beautiful like this, and when you're nice on top of it I just gotta do anything I can to make you happy."
She flushed. "That's so corny," she mumbled
"I like corny," he whispered, nuzzling her neck. He nibbled on her ear next, then kissed her deeply, flicking her nipple with his thumb as he did so. She moaned into his mouth, sucking on his tongue as pleasure washed over her. They continued in that vein for awhile, until he moved down to face her breasts directly. "Can I . . . ?" he asked.
She colored again. "Oh, do whatever you want!" she said, exasperated.
With a satisfied grin he did as she bade, taking a nipple in his mouth and sucking gently. He tugged it with his teeth and flicked it lightly with his tongue, just enough to excite her without stirring unpleasant memories. He gave her other nipple the same treatment, then went back to the first, alternating back and forth for several minutes. After some time he began kissing his way down her belly, stopping when he got to the bottom of her suit. He looked up at her. She was flushed, breathless, and heartachingly beautiful. "Asuka?" he asked.
She looked down at him. She didn't even bother to reply, just lifted her hips and shucked the bikini herself. "Remember," she admonished, "watch the tongue."
He nodded. He stroked her legs gently, moving slowly toward her center. She was breathing heavily, relaxed, and excited. She seemed happy, or at least a lot better than the last time they tried something like this. He tentatively put a hand on her; she gasped, but didn't stop him. She was very slick. He began to rub her, exploring, and she cried out when he pinched the nub at the top of her slit. He returned to her breasts as he played with her, and then finally to her mouth, rubbing her more and more roughly as he kissed her deeply. She wrapped one hand around his neck and held him to her, using her other to grab the hand that was fingering her. When he slipped a finger into her she went wild, her nails digging into his neck as her body convulsed. She pushed his hand away from her, wrapping both arms around his neck in a silent demand to be held while she rode the wave of her orgasm. He complied, her body twitching for close to a minute after she peaked.
"Oh God," she said, pushing him gently off of her. "I've never felt anything like that before. I didn't even know it was possible to feel like that. No wonder everyone's so keen on this sex stuff."
"You've never . . . wait, really?" Shinji asked, astounded.
"Nope," she said, shaking her head.
"Never?" he insisted.
She scowled at him. "What did I just say?"
"But you . . . " He stammered. "You were in such a hurry to grow up . . . and Kaji! You wanted to be with him . . . and then the past few years . . . I know you've been frustrated at times, I've seen it! And . . . "
She smiled at his confusion. "I was in a hurry to be treated as an adult, but the thought of actually being an adult disgusted me. To me, sex was something shitty people did to hurt others, because that's how my father and stepmother used it. And then Kaji rejected me, I felt like Misato betrayed me with him, and then there was the trauma of piloting, and you . . . " She shrugged. "Is it any wonder I'm a neurotic mess who just didn't want to deal with it?"
"But you just told me . . . !" he protested.
She shrugged again. "You were already doing it, so I didn't want you to deny yourself. I just never started. It's not the same thing."
Shinji gave her an odd look, unimpressed with her logic.
She scowled at him. "Look, do you wanna argue about this, or do you wanna deal with your little friend there?"
"Huh?" Shinji looked down, noticing with a blush that he was aroused again. "Oh," he said, laughing nervously. He looked at her mouth, licking his lips as he did so. "So, then . . . "
She scoffed. "No, I'm not giving you another blowjob. I'm not that nice."
Shinji blinked in confusion. "Then how . . . ?" he asked.
She spread her legs slightly and held out her arms. "C'mere," she said.
Shinji's jaw dropped. "Asuka . . . " he breathed. "Are you . . . are you sure?"
Her brows knit. "Hurry up, Third Child," she growled, "before I lose my nerve!"
Shinji hesitated a moment more, then moved over her. She put her hands on his shoulders while he positioned himself between her legs. "I don't want to hurt you," he said.
"You won't," she muttered. "I'm feeling pretty relaxed now, not uptight like last time. I'll tell you if it hurts." She took hold of him, guiding him to her entrance.  Shinji held back, wary of hurting her, but she was impatient. She thrust her hips up to meet his, forcing him inside of her. She hissed in pain, holding him still, but gradually relaxed as the pain gave way to pleasure.
Shinji gasped as she moved. She was very tight, but also very wet, so he sank into her easily. "Oh my God," he breathed. "I thought your mouth was heaven, but this . . . oh my God." He looked down at her. "Are you alright?" he whispered.
She nodded. "Yeah," she said. She wrapped her arms and legs around him, holding him tightly. "I'm okay," she said. "Hurry up and fuck me."
Shinji blushed at her language, but complied. He withdrew from her slowly, then thrust back into her, very carefully. She growled in annoyance. "Faster," she ordered. Shinji did as she asked, picking up the pace. A moment of inspiration prompted him to work a hand between them, rubbing at the little nub of flesh between her legs that had so excited her before. "Oh my God!" she screamed, tightening her grip on him like a vice. "Oh fuck, keep doing that, keep doing that! Don't stop!"
It wasn't long until she reached her peak. She screamed and bit his neck as she came, her orgasm much stronger than her previous one. Shinji thrust into her at a frenzied pace, her bite and her cries driving him insane. He came soon after she did, and with a shout he emptied himself into her.
Afterwards, she refused to let him go. When he tried to get off of her she tightened her grip and said, "Don't move."
He frowned. "But I'll crush you," he said.
"I don't care," she replied. "Don't move."
With a sigh he relented, holding her tightly until she dozed off. When she did he shifted to one side, keeping an arm around her as he followed her in slumber.

[Bagheera]

And the aftermath, separated because it's in the wee hours of the following morning:

August 22, 2021

(click to show/hide)

August 22, 2021

When Shinji woke the bed was empty. "Asuka?" he asked.
There was no answer. He looked around,  but didn't find her in the room. He looked toward the balcony and saw her there, knees to her chest, head on her knees, sitting in a chair. The balcony door was open, the balmy heat of Okinawa permeating the room.
He fought down a moment of panic and then got up, heading toward the balcony. He stopped when he reached the threshold, watching her carefully.
After a time he released a breath, scratching his head, then turned back toward the bed.
As he turned, though, her call interrupted him. "It's fine," she said, lifting her head. "You can come out."
He hesitated, then crossed the threshold, sitting down across from her. "Sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to bother you. I just wanted to make sure you were alright. But you didn't seem upset, so . . . "
Asuka rested her head on her knees again.
"I'm not upset," she said. "Just . . . overwhelmed." She raised her head again, meeting his gaze. "I'm glad we worked some stuff out last night," she said, "and I like that we're closer now. But even so, I haven't felt anything that strong for a long, long time. Not since . . . " she trailed off.
Shinji's eyes widened in understanding. "Instrumentality," he said.
She nodded. "Yeah." She turned her head toward him. "It's not the same," she hastened to add. "Instrumentality was terrible, but this was really, really good," she said. "I'm so happy now." She frowned. "But even so, it was intense. And scary. I don't know how to deal with it."
Shinji frowned. "Well . . . " he asked. "Is there anything I can do? To help, I mean?"
She shook her head. "You don't have to do anything. Just give me some space. I'll deal with it on my own."
"I'll go back inside, then," he said, making to get up.
"You don't have to," she said.
He stopped, settling back into the chair.
She looked out at the ocean, wiggling her toes. "I like it here," she said. "It's so peaceful."
He nodded. "Yeah, this was a great idea. We'll have to thank Misato when we get back."
She smirked. "You know she'll ask us all sorts of nosy questions," she said. "She'll want many details."
Shinji's eyes widened a fraction. He gulped. "Uh oh."
She laughed. "Don't worry," she reassured him. "We got each other off twice, I think that's pretty good for our first time."
He laughed with her, nodding. "Yeah."
Her smile faded. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes. "I was so terrible to you back then," she said softly.
"Back then?" he asked.
She nodded. "Instrumentality," she said.
He shifted uncomfortably. "That's . . . that wasn't your fault. The circumstances . . . "
She leaned forward, a crafty smile on her lips. "Oh?" she asked. "'The circumstances', you say."
He froze, caught. Then he laughed lightly. "I see," he said. "So you really did forgive me, then."
She nodded.
"I thought you were just trying to be nice," he said.
She shrugged. "For a long time, I was," she admitted. "I thought I'd never be able to let that go, but after awhile . . . " She sighed. "Well, it just doesn't seem all that important anymore."
"I don't know about that," he said. "But I'm glad you don't hate me."
She smiled, but didn't say anything.
He stood. "Well, I'll give you some space," he said. "But don't be gone too long. The bed's lonely without you."
"I'll be back soon," she reassured him.
He nodded, heading inside and back to bed.

[Bagheera]

Not much to say about this one, as it's a setup chapter. Got a post-Okinawa chapter in the works, with more Fuyu tomorrow.

April 20, 2022

(click to show/hide)

April 20, 2022

Shinji was just getting out of his evening class when his phone rang. He dug it out of his pocket and checked the caller. He touched the icon to reply. "Hi Misato," he said. "What's up?"
"Hiya Shinji," she said. Her voice was pleasant but somewhat subdued. "I have something I need to talk to you about," she went on.
Shinji frowned. "Like what?" he asked.
She cleared her throat. "Have you been following the news about Professor Fuyutsuki?"
"Yes," Shinji said, stopping as he reached the waiting area for his train. "Ever since you told me he returned."
"Right. Well, the trial is over," Misato went on. "He's been ordered placed on indefinite house arrest. It's a pretty mild sentence, all things considered, but he was completely forthcoming in his testimony, so the court was lenient."
"Okay." Shinji didn't know where this was going.
"Most of it wouldn't be of much interest to you," she said, "but . . . well . . . "
Shinji frowned again. "What is it?"
"He wants to talk to you directly, Shinji."
Shinji blinked, startled. "Me? But why?" he asked. "I mean, what could he possibly want to talk to me about?"
Misato hesitated. "All the things your father should have told you, but didn't. About your mother, the Evangelions, the Angels, and . . . Rei."
Shinji was silent for close to a minute. His train arrived, but he didn't get on board.
"Shinji?" Misato asked.
Shinji didn't answer.
"Shinji?" she said. She sounded worried now. "Are you still there?"
"I'm here," he said.
"Is it okay? Do you want to meet with him? You don't have to. I'll tell him no if you--"
"It's fine," Shinji said.
"Are you sure?" she asked.
"Yes. I'll meet with him. It's fine."
"Okay," she said. "If you're sure. I'll make the arrangements. Is Saturday alright?"
"That's fine," he said.
"Alright. I'll drive you out there," she said. "Asuka can come too, if she likes, but I think he wants to meet with you alone."
"Alright," Shinji said. "I'll tell her."
"Okay," she said. "Take care, Shinji."
"I will." He hung up and sat down on the bench, waiting for the next train.

[Bagheera]

This one's been an earworm for awhile, so I had to exorcise it. Fuyu material next!

March 18, 2022

(click to show/hide)

March 18, 2022

Asuka entered the apartment, shutting the door behind her. She dropped her purse on a kitchen chair and headed toward the sound of the television in the living room.
Shinji looked up as she entered. "Hey, 'Suka," he said. "How was Misato?"
Asuka took off her shirt, dropping it on the floor. "She's fine," she said. She frowned. "She's 'concerned' about us, though," she said, "since we aren't having sex."
Shinji looked at her oddly. "How does she know we aren't having sex?"
Asuka shrugged. "Because I told her," she said, as though it were the most natural thing in the world. She dropped her shorts by her shirt, leaving her clad in panties and a camisole. She walked over to Shinji, who opened his legs to make space for her between them.
Shinji wrapped his arms around her, but his confusion remained. "Why would you do that?" he asked, wrapping his arms around her.
She leaned into him, watching the TV. "What are you talking about?" she asked, a touch of impatience in her voice. "It's sex, girls talk about that stuff."
"I . . . " Shinji opened his hands for a moment, at a loss. Then he gave up and went back to holding her. "Okay, sure, whatever," he said. "So what did you say?"
"I gave her the pool speech," she said absently.
Shinji quirked an eyebrow. "'The pool speech'?" he asked.
"Yeah, from Okinawa," she replied. "You know, in the onsen."
"Ah." He smiled. "That was one of my finer days," he said, satisfaction in his voice.
She laughed. "Yeah, it was," she admitted. "And that was part of what confused her: you managed to get me in the sack that day, so why not anytime since? She's convinced there's something wrong."
Shinji frowned. "I don't think there's anything wrong." He glanced at her. "Is there?"
She shook her head. "Not as far as I'm concerned. We're fucked up. We have issues. It takes a lot to get us in the right spot mentally to do it, and we can't manage that on a regular basis. I'm good with saving it for special occasions."
"Heh. Yeah, that's a good way to put it." He frowned, stroking her arm absently. He chuckled. "It's funny," he said. "Before Third Impact I used to have a healthy sex drive. I didn't know what to do with it, mind, but it was there." He leaned back. "But now . . . I dunno. I'm happy just not being alone." He gave her a gentle squeeze. "At least, so long as you're the one keeping me company."
"Nice save," she said, leaning into him. "And yeah, I told her all of that. And she just frowned, and fretted, and was concerned."
"She should just be happy we aren't institutionalized or something," Shinji mused. "After all we've been through, it's a miracle we're in as good shape as we are."
"I know, right?" Asuka agreed. "I told her she should let Kaji distract her or something, but she wouldn't hear of it."
"Why?" he asked.
"Guilt," she replied with a shrug. "If 'her kids' aren't having fun, she'd feel bad indulging herself."
Shinji made a face. "That's stupid," he said.
She laughed, then turned her head and kissed him. "You're stealing my lines, dummy."
"Well, it is stupid," he said with a huff.
"Sure it is," she agreed. "But I guess it shows how much she cares about us."
"I guess," he said.
"Kaji was funny," she said. "I could tell the guy was frustrated, but he didn't know how to get through to her."
"Heh. I guess they're just as messed up as we are, in their own ways," he said.
She nodded. "I think we might be better off at this point," she said. "We at least know what we want from each other, and are content with what we get. I think they're still working that out."
He kissed the top of her head. "I'll take it," he said, tightening his hold on her.

[Bagheera]

I have no idea as to whether or not this is sufficient. Does it explain Kaworu? Rei? Yui? I don't know. If you ever had an opinion, now is the time to express it!

April 23, 2022

(click to show/hide)

April 23, 2022

Shinji didn't recognize the guards who greeted him at the Fuyutsuki residence. They were U.N. soldiers, not Herz, and they were foreigners. They were neither pleasant nor rude with him; they simply checked his pass and let him enter.
The residence was large, but not opulent. Fuyutsuki greeted him at the entrance. "Third Child," he said. "Thank you for coming."
Shinji bowed to him.
Fuyutsuki smiled graciously. "Do you play Shogi?" the elder man asked.
Shinji gave him a confused look. "Well, I only know the rules," he said.
"Good enough," Fuyutsuki said. "Let's have a game." He led Shinji into his living room. "I'll start without my rook, bishop, and gold generals," he went on, sitting down on one side of the gameboard and removing the designated pieces.
They played, Shinji making a rather poor showing for himself. "Calm your mind," Fuyutsuki said. "It's critical to winning a battle."
Shinji's brows knit. "I don't fight anymore," he said. "My battle now is to live, nothing more."
Fuyutsuki glanced up at him, surprised, then smiled sadly. "Yes, I suppose that's true," he said. He sighed. "Thank you for accompanying an old man with his hobby," he said. He made a move. "You see," he went on, "I'm rather timid, too. I needed this excuse to get a chance to talk to you."
Shinji stared at him. "To talk to me?" he asked, wariness in his eyes.
Fuyutsuki nodded. "Do you remember your mother?" he asked.
Shinji tensed. "No," he replied. "I was very young." He gave the man a rueful smile. "And father destroyed all her belongings, as though he was trying to erase all trace of her from the world."
Fuyutsuki smiled. "That is not altogether inaccurate," he said. He produced a picture, one of Shinji's mother holding him as a baby. His father was in it as well; The elder Ikari looked happy, if somewhat uncomfortable.
Shinji looked at the photo. The woman looked very familiar. "Mother?" he said. He smiled slightly. "I guess it's obvious," he said. She looks just like Ayanami."
Fuyutsuki nodded. "Correct," he said. "She was the daughter of one of the founders of Seele, a very powerful woman. Your father's name was Rokubungi before he married her." He smiled, remembering. "She was my student at the university." He stared at Shinji, a hawklike gaze. "You knew your father during Instrumentality," he said. "Do you remember what happened to Yui?"
Shinji nodded, shifting uncomfortably. "She died during the Contact Experiment with Unit 01," he said.
Fuyutsuki frowned at Shinji's discomfort, but elected to continue. "And what do you remember of Rei Ayanami?" he asked.
"Ayanami?" Shinji asked. He frowned. "I think . . . after the Contact Experiment failed, Father tried to restore Mother," he said. "But it didn't work. Instead he got Ayanami, somehow." He shrugged. "Or he made her from mother's remains." He shook his head. "I don't know the details."
Fuyutsuki nodded. "That's correct," he said. "But do you understand why the effort to recover your mother failed?"
"I . . . " Shinji blinked. "No, I don't," he admitted.
Fuyutsuki nodded again. "I thought as much. This is what Ikari -- Gendo Ikari," he clarified, "your father, should have explained to you."
Shinji frowned. "What is there to explain?" he asked, puzzled. "The procedure didn't work. Isn't that the end of it?"
Fuyutsuki shook his head. "No," he denied. "Not at all." He looked at Shinji, his expression grave. "The recovery process failed because she didn't want to return."
Shinji froze, his mouth open slightly in shock. He shook himself. "That doesn't make sense," he whispered. "Why wouldn't she want to come back?"
Fuyutsuki smiled at him sadly. "Your mother entered the Evangelion of her own free will," he said. He closed his eyes, remembering. "The Contact Experiment wasn't a failure," he said. "It went exactly as she planned. Gendo didn't understand this, and he wanted to retrieve her. But his plans and hers did not align."
Shinji's eyes widened. "Her plans," he said. "What plans? What was she after?" There was a touch of panic in his voice.
Fuyutsuki smiled sympathetically. "Your mother was a brave woman," he said. "But to understand why, it helps to know something of the beings who created us."
Shinji stopped, taken aback. "The beings who . . . ?" he trailed off.
Fuyutsuki nodded. "We call them the First Ancestral Race," he said, "The creators of Adam and Lilith, and several more besides," he went on. "There were seven in all, each destined for a different world."
Shinji's eyes glazed over. "What are you talking about?" he asked, incredulous. "Aliens? People who aren't human?"
Fuyutsuki smiled. "Ah, but they were human. The first humans, in fact."
Shinji thought back to the day of Third Impact, to the time Misato told him the Angels themselves were human. "So they had human souls, then? Like us?"
Fuyutsuki nodded, then waved a hand dismissively. "But the details of their broader plan are not important. What is important is the fact that, for whatever reason, two of these beings, these Seeds of Life, accidentally wound up on Earth."
"Accidentally?" Shinji asked.
Fuyutsuki nodded. "Correct. This was supposed to be Adam's world," he said. "Lilith -- the being who created us -- was originally destined for another world." He smiled grimly. "But there was an error. We don't know how, but for some reason she was sent here along with Adam."
"I . . . " Shinji began, his earlier discomfort briefly forgotten in the face of this new absurdity. "How the hell do you make a mistake like that?"
Fuyutsuki shrugged. "As I said, we don't have the details. What we do know is that only one of these progenitor beings was permitted to exist on any given world. As such, our ancestors paired each of these beings with a weapon, the Lance of Longinus, which was designed to ensure that their plans would be executed properly."
Shinji scowled, bristling at the notion of what constituted "properly".
"But," Fuyutsuki went on, "Lilith's arrival on Earth was very traumatic; that impact wound up creating our moon, and it's possible Lilith's Lance was lost in the process." He shook his head absently. "Regardless of the reason, the Lance accompanying Adam elected to incapacitate him, leaving Lilith free to fulfill her directive." Fuyutsuki smiled ironically. "Of course, when Seele woke Adam in 2000, the event that would come to be known as Second Impact, he was once again free to fulfill his own directive. But we destroyed him before he could do so, and in the process created the being you knew as Kaworu Nagisa."
Shinji's breath caught. "Kaworu?" he asked.
Fuyutsuki nodded. "Yes."
"Kaworu . . . " Shinji trailed off, remembering. He sighed. His earlier discomfort returned, and forgotten pain besides. "Ayanami, and Kaworu. They--"
Fuyutsuki frowned, concerned by the pain in the young man's eyes. He held up a hand. "Please, Mr. Ikari," he said. "Don't think too harshly of them." He smiled sadly. "Their actions were not altogether their own."
Shinji frowned in confusion. "What do you mean?" he asked.
"Those two were avatars of the First Ancestral Race, and as such were Seeds of Life," Fuyutsuki said. "Their core directives, their need to create new life, took precedence over all other concerns, including their own personal desires."
Shinji shook his head. "But Kaworu said--"
Fuyutsuki nodded. "I am aware of what he said. But you should know that his intent was to preserve the will of the First Ancestral Race, and to ensure that their efforts on this planet continued as they originally intended. Seele bent that intent to their will, using it to manipulate him, to force him to do their bidding after he denied them during Second Impact." He levelled his gaze at Shinji, reassuring the man. "But then he met you," he said, "and everything changed."
Shinji swallowed thickly. "But the Angels and the Lilin couldn't live together . . . "
Fuyutsuki sighed. "Yes," he said, "that was the difficulty. Lilith had fulfilled her directive, and yet this was supposed to be Adam's world. The conflict thus created was incommensurable. In the end, Kaworu yielded to Lilith's will, at great personal sacrifice. And that was where Yui came in."
Shinji raised his head. "Mother?"
Fuyutsuki nodded. "Yes. Your mother chose to take on the burden of Adam, and through the form of the Evangelion fulfill his directive elsewhere." He smiled at Shinji. "She didn't abandon you," he said. "Rather, she chose to accept a sacred obligation, one beyond human comprehension. You should be proud of her," he went on. "Her devotion to duty and to her ideals was very admirable."
Shinji sat back, reeling. "That's why she left?" he whispered.
Fuyutsuki frowned. "Mr. Ikari--" he said, extending a hand.
Shinji stood, grabbing the table to steady himself. He was shaking, and could barely stand. He managed to bow to Fuyutsuki, bestowing the proper respect upon an elder. "Thank you for your insight, sir," he said, his voice wavering.
Fuyutsuki's eyes widened. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to upset you--"
"It's fine," Shinji lied, interrupting him. "Please, sir," he asked, "may I go now?"
Fuyutsuki hesitated a moment, then nodded, his lips a thin line. "As you will," he said.
When Shinji exited the building, Asuka had only to glance at him to know that something was very wrong. "What is it?" she asked him.
He stared at her. "Mother," he said. "She . . . I . . . " He turned to Misato. "I'd like to go home now, if that's alright."
Misato looked him over, worry in her eyes. "Okay," she said.
Asuka preceded him in the back seat, then turned to him when he joined her. "Are you alright?" she whispered.
He shook his head. "I don't think so, 'Suka. Not right now."
She bit her lip. "Alright," she said. She took his shoulders, coaxing him to lay his head in her lap. "It'll be okay," she said, trying to keep her voice calm and soothing. "I'll take care of you."
He nodded, wrapping his arms around himself. He didn't reply.
They were silent as Misato drove them home.

Next: I have no idea.

[Bagheera]

The promised aftermath. Fic had too much WAFF, was losing focus. Time to get back to basics.

And fuck, this is the same date as the previous piece. That's gonna make the table of contents a mess. Ah well.

April 23, 2022 - pt 2

(click to show/hide)

When they got home, Asuka got out of the car and led Shinji toward their apartment.
Misato put a hand on her shoulder. "Asuka . . . ?" she asked.
Asuka turned, giving Misato a reassuring smile. "Don't worry," she said. "I'll take good care of him."
"But--" Misato began.
Asuka lay a hand on her arm. "It's fine," she said. Her voice had a strange quality to it. "I won't hurt him."
Misato frowned. "What about you?" she asked.
Asuka's eyes slipped away from hers, and she smiled slightly. She didn't reply, just herded Shinji toward their apartment, whispering reassurances to him all the while.
Misato bit her lip, visibly worried.

Asuka followed Shinji into the apartment, dropping her purse by the door. Then she tugged on his arm, pulling him gently toward the bedroom.
"Wha-?" he asked. He still seemed dazed by what he'd learned earlier.
Asuka jerked her chin toward the bedroom. "C'mon," she said. She smiled at him, a smokey look in her eyes.
Shinji hesitated, then followed her lead. Once they entered the room she began helping him out of his clothes, shedding hers at the same time.
Shinji frowned, confused by her behavior. "Asuka . . . " he began, trailing off.
"Shh," she said. "It's fine." She finished undressing. "Don't worry about a thing, okay?" She reached down, stroking him gently. "Let me distract you for awhile." She pulled him toward the futon, then lay upon it. She reached out her arms, silently asking him to join her.
Shinji bit his lip, hesitating. But he did as she wished, laying on top of her. He caught her gaze. She looked a little nervous. "Are you sure about this?" he asked.
She nodded. "I'm fine," she said. "Go ahead." She took him in her hands, pulling him toward her.
Shinji resisted a moment, then gave in. He sank himself into her, hard and fast, burying himself inside of her.
She hissed in pain, but didn't complain. She forced herself to relax, enduring his rough treatment as he began to fuck her. "Slow down," she said. "It's too much--"
But he didn't hear her. He continued to drive into her, desperate to find some relief to his confusion. When he came several minutes later he didn't notice the pained look on her face as she struggled to hold back tears. He collapsed on top of her, and fell asleep shortly thereafter.

When Shinji awoke, it was half past 8 o'clock. He was alone on the futon. He rose, grabbing a pair of sweats from the floor, and pulled them on. He entered the living room and found Asuka there, watching TV. He gave her a weak smile. "Hey," he said.
"Hey," she replied, her voice flat.
He crossed the room and sat next to her. He moved to put his arm around her and she scurried away, one hand held up defensively. "Asuka?" he asked.
"Back off," she said. "Just . . . give me some space, okay?"
He scowled. "I knew it," he said. "I knew it didn't feel right."
She shook her head. "It's fine," she said.
"It's not fine!" he snapped angrily. "If you didn't want it--"
She glared at him. "It's fine because I say it's fine!" she said, fury in her voice. "Don't act like I didn't have a say in the matter," she added. "That just makes it worse."
He frowned. "But I hurt you," he said.
"Yeah, so?" she asked. "What of it?"
His eyes widened. "How can you say that?" He asked, incredulous. "I hurt you, and I--"
She scowled. "Stop making it all about you," she growled.
He paused, confused.
"Shinji," she said, "we're broken people. That means we hurt one another. But we put up with it because we love each other." She turned toward him. "Yeah, you hurt me. But only because I let you. I'd been planning on it since I saw you come out of that house, because I knew you needed it. And that's alright. It's not perfect, but it's alright," she said. She met his gaze, willing him to understand. "It really is."
"But--" he began.
She flicked his forehead with a finger. "Quiet," she said. "I've told you before, your apologies don't do me any good."
He thought about it for a moment, then sighed heavily. "Fine," he said. He looked at her. "Thanks, then."
She nodded, blowing out a breath. "You're welcome," she said.

A short time later Shinji spoke. "She got into the Eva on purpose," he said. His arms were wrapped around his knees, which were pulled tight against his chest.
"Eh?" Asuka asked.
"My mother," he said. "Professor Fuyutsuki said the Contact Experiment wasn't a failure, that she wanted to get in the Eva."
"I see," she said, her voice guarded. He didn't notice.
"Why would she do that?" he asked. "He said it was some plan to save the Angels, to let them live on another world. How could she abandon her family for something like that?"
She shrugged. "I don't know."
He shook his head. "How can that be true? I don't . . . " he broke off, anguish in his voice.
She bit her lip, then rose and headed for the bedroom.
"Asuka?" he asked.
"Just wait here," she said.
She entered the bedroom, retrieving a bound sheaf of papers from the desk. She opened it as she returned to Shinji, finding the appropriate page. "Look," she said, presenting it to him.
He looked at the passage she indicated. "The Evangelions are human beings, and as such will require souls to function." He squinted up at her. "I don't understand."
"Look at the notes in the margin," she said grimly.
"Ikari, Y," he read. His eyes widened. "Soryu, K.?," he breathed. And, finally, "Familial relationship likely required." He looked up at her in horror. "So she did know," he breathed.
"Yeah," she confirmed.
He shook his head. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked.
She stared back at him, the book hanging limply from her hand. "Why would I?" she asked. "Look what it's done to you."
He put his head to his knees, his body wracked by sobs. She hesitated a moment, then sat next to him, putting her arm around him.
He cried for several minutes before finally going still. Gradually, his breathing evened out. "I don't think father knew," he said, his voice hoarse.
"Oh?" she asked, surprised.
He shook his head. "He wanted to save her, he was desperate to save her," he said. "It consumed him." He tightened his grip on his knees. "He was willing to do anything, to hurt anyone to be with her again." He raised his head. "But she didn't want to be saved. She didn't want to be with him, with us. She just wanted . . . " He broke off with a shrug.
"Did she love you?" she asked.
He blinked. "Huh?"
"You synced with her," she observed. "You must have known how she felt. So did she love you?"
He thought a moment, then nodded. "I think so."
She frowned. "Maybe there was more to it, then," she mused. "Her father was a member of Seele, right? Maybe this was part of some elaborate scheme to stop them. Maybe--"
"Stop it," he said. He turned to her. "I know what you're trying to do, but it doesn't matter. She still left us in the end. And now father . . . " he said, his voice breaking. "I'll never get to  . . . " He broke off.
She gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze. "Yeah," she said.
He shuddered, then calmed himself. "I'm glad you're here," he said, his voice small.
She smiled. "Yeah," she said.
He forced a smile, looking at her. "I should be more grateful," he said.
She smirked. "Well, duh," she observed.
He laughed. "I'll make you bratwurst tomorrow," he said.
He eyes widened in delight. "That'd be nice," she said.
"And spätzle! And . . . " he frowned. "And strudel!"
She pulled back. "Since when have you known how to make strudel?" she asked.
He laughed nervously. "A couple of months now," he said.
She slapped his shoulder. "And you're only making it now?" she whined.
He shrugged. "I had to save it for a special occasion," he explained. "Some time when I'd really fucked up. Or," he smiled, blushing, "when I had to show you how much I appreciate you."
"Heh," she laughed, laying her head on his shoulder. "Not bad, Third. You're learning."
He moved his arm, then stopped. "Can I . . . ?" he asked.
She nodded against his shoulder. "It's fine," she said.
He looped an arm around her shoulders, hugging her tightly. She wound her arms around his waist and leaned into him. "Can we go back to bed?" he asked. "I just wanna hold you and sleep, and forget this day ever happened."
She nodded. "That's fine." She stood, then offered him her hand. She gave him a small smile. "Let's go," she said.

[Bagheera]

I had hoped to give you far more than this at this point, but Kyoko is proving difficult. Please bear with me!

(click to show/hide)

In Japanese, Misato's and Okada's lines re: Rei would be reversed. That is to say, it would read like this:

Dr. Okada: Ayanami . . .
Misato: . . . -san?

This is a far more significant exchange than it appears to be in the English version. Asuka is referring to Rei with respect here, referencing her with her name and the proper honorific rather than calling her "Miss Perfect" or "The Commander's pet" as she typically does. Rei has done something profound on Asuka's behalf, and the latter recognizes this fact. It is difficult to convey this particular subtlety in English, but I'm confident it would come across clearly in Japanese.

That said, I present to you part 1 of Rebirth (true).  Nobody has commented on that title thus far. I can't tell whether that's because they don't grasp it's significance, or because it's not nearly as interesting as I seem to think it is. Perhaps it's both!

June 22, 2024

(click to show/hide)

June 22, 2024

Asuka exited the shop, bag in hand, and paused when she hit the sidewalk. She put a hand on her hip and frowned, then gave a little shrug and turned to head up the street. She moved at a lackadaisical pace, stopping every now and then to peer into shop windows. She continued in this manner for half an hour or so, until she hit the end of the block.
She paused, an odd feeling taking hold of her. A burst of movement from her left caught her attention; a startled flock of birds rushed overhead, taking flight. She followed their movement for a moment, then looked back around the corner. That was when she saw her.
Rei Ayanami.
She stood perhaps halfway down the block, dreamy and ethereal, an apparition looking just as she had in life -- placid, detached, utterly unconcerned. But then she met Asuka's eyes, a clear sign of recognition in them, and she smiled at her, a touch of melancholy on her lips.
Asuka frowned, puzzled. Her phone beeped with an incoming text, distracting her. Asuka dug through her purse, finding the phone and reading the screen, and dropped her bag in shock. Come to RW right away, it read. She looked up at Rei, but the girl was gone. "Mama," she breathed. She launched herself into a sprint, barreling down the street toward Herz HQ. It was six blocks away, but she didn't care -- she ran the whole distance. Somewhere along the way her phone rang, but she ignored it. She had to get to the Recovery Ward! That single thought consumed the entirety of her being.
She stopped at the main gate and handed her ID card to the guard on duty.
"Hey, Miss Soryu," he said. "Nice weather we're having, eh?"
Asuka shook her head, gasping for breath, and he shrugged. He scanned her card and handed it back to her. "Have a nice day!" he said.
Asuka ignored him and continued toward the main building, the one which housed the Recovery Ward. She opened the door and continued to the automated turnstiles, swiping her card to gain access. Once she was through she hurried to the elevators and pressed the "down" button. She waited perhaps thirty seconds for an elevator to arrive, but it felt like an eternity. When the car arrived she entered and hit the button for the Recovery Ward, enduring another tedious trip down.
The doors opened, and she proceeded to the main desk to sign in. The nurse on duty smiled at her. "Hello Miss Soryu!" she said. "Who are you here to see?" she asked.
Asuka glanced at her. "Where is Katsuragi?" she asked, distracted.
The nurse cocked her head. "Colonel Katsuragi?" she asked. She thought for a moment. "I think she's in Ward 7," she said.
Asuka nodded, then hurried down the hall. She entered Ward 7, and found Misato and Dr. Okada waiting for her. She looked at the doctor, surprised by his presence, then turned to Misato. "Mama," she breathed. "Where is she?"
Misato smiled brightly. "Ah, there you are, Asuka. Glad you got my text." She frowned. "Wait, how did you know who it was?" she asked.
"Miss Ayanami," Asuka said, distracted.
Misato and Dr. Okada shared a look. "Miss . . . " Misato began.
" . . . Ayanami?" Okada finished.
Asuka ignored them. She just stared at the door before her and made to open it, a look of desperation in her eyes.
Misato grabbed her arm, stopping her. "Asuka . . . " she began.
Asuka tried to pull away from her. "Let me go!" she whined. "I have to see mama!"
"Wait," Misato said, her grip firm. "She's not the person you remember."
"I don't care," Asuka said. "Let go!"
"Asuka!" Misato growled, shaking the girl. "Stop fighting me and think for a moment!" She took Asuka's shoulders in hand, holding her tightly. "For her, Third Impact happened yesterday." She shook the girl again. "Think about how you felt!"
Asuka stopped, the reality of Misato's words setting in. She looked at Misato, then at Okada, then at the door to the room. Then she looked down at her arm, at the scar running up its length. "That's right," she admitted. "She'll remember everything, won't she?"
Misato nodded. "Yes," she said. "She's a raw nerve right now. I know you need to see her, but you need to be careful."
Asuka chewed her lip, then nodded carefully. "Fine," she said, pushing against Misato. "I understand."
Misato looked at Dr. Okada, a question in her eyes. He nodded, and Misato let the girl go. She turned and opened the door to the room before her.
Kyoko Soryu lay on the bed, her knees drawn to her chest. Even with her eyes closed her face showed obvious signs of distress.
"Mama?" Asuka asked.
The figure on the bed stirred. "Asuka?"  she whispered, turning her head toward the door. She stared at the woman before her. "You . . . you can't be Asuka," she said, frowning. "She's just a girl."
Asuka flinched, but gave the woman a gentle smile. "It's me, mama," she said. "I'm all grown up now."
Kyoko scrutinized her further, noting the girl's hair, her eyes, her face, and finally the scars framing her eye. She looked at Asuka's arm, and found the scar running up its length. Her eyes widened in recognition. "It is you," she breathed.
Asuka nodded.
Kyoko met her eyes, and her face crumpled. "I'm sorry," she said, tears streaming down her face. "I'm so sorry." She covered her eyes with her hands, unable to look at her daughter any longer.
Asuka rushed forward, embracing her mother. "It's fine," she said. "I'm alright."
Kyoko shook her head, sobbing.
Asuka stroked her hair. "Don't worry mama," she said, holding the woman tightly. "I'll take care of you. Everything will be fine."
Kyoko clung to her, shuddering in despair, unable to articulate her thoughts.

Misato and Dr. Okada watched the reunion from the hallway, staring at the two through the observation window.
Misato sighed heavily, running a hand over her face. "What do we even do with her?" she asked.
Dr. Okada stroked his chin, deep in thought. "Obviously, her connection with her daughter is paramount at this point," he said.
Misato huffed. "I got that much," she groused.
Dr. Okada smiled. "Beyond that, we need simply be patient. This should be good for Asuka, since it will give her a taste of what you and Shinji went through when caring for her. With luck, she'll learn to appreciate your efforts even more."
Misato scowled. "I'm not concerned with appreciation, doctor. I just want to know how we keep that woman--" she jerked her head toward Kyoko-- "from ruining all the progress we've made thus far."
Okada laughed, holding up a hand defensively. "Sorry, sorry," he said. "I think it will be fine, so long as it's just the two of them." His face darkened. "But be sure to keep her away from Shinji," he warned. "To her, he's the pernicious fiend who failed them in their darkest hour, and who violated her daughter in particularly egregious fashion. She'll need time to adjust before facing the reality that their circumstances have changed so significantly."
Misato frowned. "Oh, God damn it." She looked at the doctor. "You realize they live together, right?"
Okada shrugged. "Then keep her here, or find Shinji other accommodations. Either way, make sure the two of them don't interact until she's had a chance to find her bearings."
Misato sighed. She pinched the bridge of her nose, then shook her head. "Being a parent sucks sometimes," she said.
Okada smiled, then took a sip of his coffee as he returned his attention to the women in the other room.

Upcoming scenes:

Kyoko and Dr. Okada, where we learn her limits and get an idea of what happened to her
Kyoko, Asuka, and Shinji, where the latter two introduce the last to Kyoko
Asuka and Kaji, in an unrelated scene wherein we learn that those two have a lot in common, just as Shinji and Misato do. This one might come before the other two, I dunno.

[Bagheera]

Oh dear gods, are these ready? I don't even know. I'm pretty sure these need some editing. But fuck it, here goes: first, Kyoko and Dr. Okada:

June 24, 2024

(click to show/hide)

June 24, 2024

Dr. Okada scrutinized the woman seated before him, trying to gauge her state of mind. "How are you feeling today?" he asked her.
Kyoko Soryu shrugged. She stared at the ground, playing absently with a lock of her hair.
Dr. Okada waited, giving her the opportunity to speak. But she remained silent, settling into her chair as she stared blankly at the ground. Okada sighed. "Mrs. Soryu, is there anything you'd like to talk about?" he pressed.
She looked at him directly then, her hands going still. "I don't remember anything," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
"How do you mean?" he asked.
"It's all gone," she said. "I remember carrying Asuka, and giving birth to her, and worrying about her. But I don't remember her father at all," she went on. "I remember being trapped in the Eva, and I remember the Angels, and I remember . . . other things." She scowled briefly, but even that flash of emotion faded quickly. "But I don't remember my childhood, my work, my family . . . anything. I remember Asuka and my time with her, but nothing else."
Dr. Okada frowned thoughtfully. "As I understand it, the Contact Experiment with Evangelion Unit 02 was very traumatic for you," he said.
She nodded.
"Perhaps this is the result of that," he ventured. "Perhaps the maternal half of your identity was drawn into the Eva, leaving the rest behind. That would explain why the Kyoko who died nearly twenty years ago did not recognize her daughter after the Experiment."
"Is that all I am, then?" she spat bitterly. "Some ridiculous caricature defined by nothing more than her status as a mother?" She shook her head. "What a sick joke."
Dr. Okada stroked his chin. "I think that might be oversimplifying things," he mused.
She looked him in the eye again. "What do you mean?" she asked.
He leaned back in his chair. "I've been puzzled by the fact that Miss Soryu saw a vision of Miss Rei Ayanami shortly after you returned," he said.
She squinted, confused. "Rei Ayanami?"
He nodded. "The First Child, created from the remains of Yui Ikari."
"I see," Kyoko said. "Yes, that Lilith creature. What about her?"
"Such visions are not unprecedented," he went on, "but they are very rare. It is not something normally associated with returnees." He frowned. "In fact, the only other instance of such a thing that I've encountered was associated with the return of your daughter, long before everyone else."
"And you think this is significant?" she asked.
He nodded. "I do. If you were the caricature you speak of you would not harbor such dark thoughts about the notion," he observed. "Motherhood would be your identity, and you would want nothing more than to fulfill that role. But by the sound of it you want far more than that. Is this correct?"
She shrugged. "I don't see that it matters," she said bitterly.
He paused a moment. "Mrs. Soryu, do you recognize the term 'metaphysical biology?'"
She nodded. "Of course," she said. "It is the study of the souls of living things, and of the manner in which they use their A.T. fields to separate themselves from the rest of the world."
He smiled smugly. "And why do you know that?" he asked.
She blinked. "I . . . " She thought a moment, then shook her head. "I don't know. I shouldn't, should I? I forgot everything about my work. How do I know anything about that?"
He chuckled. "I suspect you'd be better equipped to address the particulars than  I," he noted wryly. "But suffice it to say I think the circumstances surrounding your return are perhaps more complex than they might have first appeared. Perhaps you've been given a fresh start?"
She scowled. "'A fresh start,' you say," she said, acid in her tone. "Seems pretty rotten to me."
He held up a hand defensively. "Sorry, sorry," he said. "Perhaps not the best choice of words. But even so you take my meaning, yes? I do not think you're quite so trapped as you might have feared."
Kyoko pinched the bridge of her nose, rubbing gently. "Either way, things are a mess." She slouched in her chair. "I wake up screaming every morning, and that Katsuragi woman doesn't seem to know what to do with me. I have no place to live, and Asuka--" she broke off, a look of misery crossing her face. "She's hiding something from me, I can tell." She shook her head bitterly. "It's all a damn nightmare, and now you're telling me I need to rebuild my entire identity from scratch? Doctor, I don't even know how I'm going to make it to tomorrow, let alone manage all of that."
Dr. Okada nodded grimly. "I have some idea of what you're going through," he said. She started to object, but he held up a hand to silence her. "I know because I've treated your daughter for years, and she went through many of the same things you did. You are not alone, Mrs. Soryu. We are here to help you."
She said nothing in response, but didn't look convinced.
Dr. Okada sighed. "Alright," he said. "Let's start with something more straightforward: why do you think Miss Soryu is hiding something from you?"
She shrugged. "She's being evasive," she said. "I asked her where she lived, if there was a place for me there, and she never really answered me. I asked her about her personal life, and she changed the subject. She won't talk to me about anything."
"Remember that this is a big adjustment for her as well as you," the doctor observed. "She needs to figure out how she's going to fit you into her life. And of course, she also has learn your limits, so as not to overwhelm you or make you uncomfortable."
"So you think she's lying to me for my sake?" she scoffed.
He shrugged. "It's possible," he said. "Your daughter can be harsh when she's feeling threatened, but when she's more secure, as she is now, she can be surprisingly kind."
She glowered at him. "You don't have to tell me that!" she said hotly. "I'm her mother. It's not like I don't know her."
He nodded. "Exactly," he said. "You know her, and you know she loves you dearly. Surely that merits some benefit of the doubt?"
She huffed. "It's probably about some man," she groused. "That's how these things always work. You're all scum."
He let the insult pass. "I thought you didn't remember your past?" he asked.
She shrugged. "I know enough. I know what she saw her father do when I was in the hospital. The nerve of the man, going on like that with his three-year-old daughter in the room! Absolutely disgusting."
"Do you not want her to remain single forever?" he asked.
"Of course not!" she snapped. "She's my daughter, of course I want her to be happy. I just . . . " She frowned. "I never got to raise her," she said. "I never got to see her grow up. I missed everything, and now I'm inconveniencing her on top of that."
Dr. Okada frowned. "Is that what she said?"
She shrugged.
"Have you talked to her about that?" he asked.
"I don't have to," she said. "I can tell. It's the only way her behavior makes sense."
"Perhaps she wants your approval," he observed.
"That's ridiculous," she scoffed. "I'm her mother, I'd never deny her anything."
"Does she know that?" he asked.
"I--" she broke off. "That's right," she said, grimacing. "I abandoned her, didn't I? Everything that happened to her was my doing." She dragged a hand across her face, miserable. "Why did I even come back?" she whimpered. "I should have stayed in that damn ocean."
"I can tell you with absolute certainty that your daughter would not have wanted that," he said, voice resolute.
"Then what am I supposed to do?" she demanded.
Dr. Okada held out a hand in a calming gesture. "One day at a time, Mrs. Soryu. Give her room to breathe, and let her introduce you to her life in a way that makes her comfortable. She will do everything she can to help you, I'm sure of it. Just have faith in her."
She let out a shaky breath. "Okay," she said, hesitant. "Fine."
He nodded. "Alright, then. Now, about these nightmares . . . "

[Bagheera]

And next, Asuka and Kaji:

March 14, 2021

(click to show/hide)

March 14, 2021

Kaji opened the door to the roof of the apartment complex and stepped outside. He turned his head, taking in the city's skyline, then stopped short when he discovered the roof was already occupied. Asuka was there, lying spread eagled on the ground, a completely bored and listless expression on her face. She turned at the sound of the door opening, regarding him with a frown.
"Heya kid," he said, the friendly mask slipping into place. He strode over to her as she sat up. "What brings you up here?"
She shrugged, bringing her knees to her chest. "Just wanted to get away from them," she said.
He stuck his hands in his pockets, regarding her with a frown. "I thought you all got along these days," he said.
She shrugged. "More or less, yeah," she said. "But they can still be annoying sometimes."
He laughed lightly. "Oh? And why's that?"
She stood up. She was much taller now, he noted, probably 168 cm or so. She looked around, brushing her hands together as she replied. "They're just so . . . helpful," she grumped.
Kaji nodded sympathetically. "I see," he said. "That is truly tragic, yes."
She scowled at him. "That's not what I mean," she said. "It's always 'help Asuka' and 'take care of Asuka' and 'make sure Asuka's alright'. And it's not just Shinji being a dumb guy, either. Misato does it too. It gets irritating after awhile."
"Hmmm." He looked at her curiously. "Are they being patronizing?"
She shook her head. "Nah, nothing like that. They mean well, it's just that . . . well, I start to feel like a leech after awhile."
Kaji nodded in understanding. "I think I see the problem," he said. "You feel like you should be returning the favor, even though that's really not your style."
"Pretty much, yeah," she agreed.
Kaji dug out a cigarette and lit up. "Kid, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret," he said, inhaling deeply. "They aren't doing that for you."
She cocked her head, incredulous. "What are you talking about?" she asked.
"Don't misunderstand," he said. "I'm not saying they don't care for you, because it's obvious they do. But when they hover over you like that it's for their sake, not yours. They feel terrible about what happened to you, and any chance they get to make things easier for you is a gift to them. For them, it's all about balancing the scales, about trying to undo the sins of the past."
She grinned wryly. "So you're saying I'm doing my part just by letting them fuss over me?"
He shrugged. "That's how they work. Helping others lets them feel useful, lets them validate their own existence. People like us don't really understand that, since we define our self worth in other ways. And that's fine, really; they're happy when they can help us, and we're happy when they're happy. It's a symbiotic relationship, one that benefits everyone." He scratched his cheek self-consciously. "I used to think that was a man/woman thing, but between you and Shinji I'm not so sure anymore."
"Idiot," she said. "Girls are more complicated than you think." She frowned, considering. "Guys too, I guess."
He chuckled. "So I'm learning."
She plucked his cigarette out of his mouth, taking a deep drag on it before handing it back to him and heading toward the rooftop door.
"Since when do you smoke?" he asked.
"I don't," she said. "It annoys the idiot. But sometimes, when the opportunity presents itself . . . " She shrugged, hands outstretched, then ran her fingers through her hair.
She opened the door to the roof and headed inside, Kaji watching her backside all the while. He smiled to himself, thinking about how lucky Shinji had it, then looked out past the edge of the roof to the city lights beyond.

Next up are Asuka/Shinji/Kyoko and a beach scene in Okinawa. Oh yeah, and Katsuragi senior.

[Bagheera]

This could probably stand a bit more attention, but I'm looking to move on to the fireworks with Kyoko and Shinji. Have a taste of Okinawa WAFFiness:

August 22, 2021

(click to show/hide)

August 22, 2021

Asuka awoke, slowly pulling herself out of a deep sleep. She frowned. She needed a shower, but didn't particularly feel like getting out of bed just yet. She looked over her shoulder; Shinji was still asleep, eyes closed and breathing softly. She yawned and turned over, opting to doze for a bit. After a while she sat up. The sheet fell to her waist, exposing her skin to the warm Okinawa air, and she looked around the room, taking it all in as if for the first time. She dragged her hands over her face and crossed her arms, shivering despite the heat.
She jumped when a hand touched her back. When she didn't complain about his touch Shinji ran his hand up and down her back, stroking her gently. She turned to him, staring at him intently. He held her gaze and stared back at her, his head cocked in curiosity. After a few moments she said, "take a shower with me." Her voice was soft, level.
Shinji nodded. "Sure," he replied.
She took his hand and led him to the bathroom, turning on the water when they entered. When the water temperature was to her liking she stepped inside. He stepped in after her, closing the door behind him. She turned to him and took him by the shoulders, leaning against him. He rested his hands on her hips, holding her lightly, and kissed her forehead. She mewled in irritation, shaking her head to throw him off. But she tightened her grip on his shoulders and held him close, so after a moment he took the hint. She settled down when he tightened his hold on her. And so they stood together, enjoying the feel of  the water pouring over them. After awhile they washed each other, slowly and gently, without a hint of shame or embarrassment.
When they were finished they stepped out of the shower, wrapping towels around themselves before entering their room. Asuka stopped at the desk and picked up her hair brush, handing it to Shinji. He smiled at her and began to brush her hair with long, rhythmic strokes. She closed her eyes, sighing in pleasure as he tended to her. When he finished with her hair she stood, a hand on her hip, frowning in thought as she stared at the ground.
"What are you thinking about?" he asked.
She looked at him, distracted. "That suit," she said. "I think I'm going to wear it today."

Shinji and Asuka left their hotel room, meeting Takao and Nagara just outside. Takao noted the change in the Children's demeanor immediately. "I don't think I've ever seen you look so relaxed, Ms. Soryu," he said.
She shrugged. "No dreams last night, so I slept pretty well." She and Shinji headed down the hall toward the beach exit.
As they went on ahead Takao shot Nagara an inquiring look; she just shook her head in response, equally baffled by the girl's behavior. "I thought they'd be happier," he said.
"Maybe relaxed is the best they can hope for," she mused. "The colonel and Kaji aren't all that different, are they?"
"I suppose not," he agreed, nodding. "Ah well. Makes our job easier, at least."
They followed the kids to the beach, taking up post outside of the bathrooms while they changed.
When Asuka emerged from the bathroom Takao sucked in a breath, but had the sense to hold his tongue. Nagara couldn't blame him this time, though; Asuka looked pretty impressive in her bikini. "Wow," Nagara said, taken aback. "You look stunning."
Asuka's brows knit. "Oh, come on," she groused. "You sound like Dimwit, here." She jerked a thumb at Shinji as she said it.
He sighed and looked at their guardians, shrugging helplessly. "I keep telling you I'm not just being nice, Asuka."
She tossed her head. "Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Let's just hit the water." She turned and headed for the water, giving the group a generous glimpse of her backside as she did so.
Takao pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed heavily. "Is she for real?" he asked. "I mean, seriously."
Shinji shrugged again. "You see what I have to deal with," he said, his voice bland.
"I feel for ya, kid," Takao said. "God help ya."
Shinji sighed. "Thanks," he said, before trotting off to join his girlfriend in the water.

"Hey, Shinji," Asuka said, fixing her ponytail, "Get me some ice cream." They were sprawled on their towels on the sand, resting under the shade of an umbrella.
Shinji smirked at her. "As you wish, princess," he said, with a mocking bow.
She stuck out her chin. "Hmph."
Shinji laughed and trotted off.
Nagara turned toward her, cocking an eyebrow. "Some reason you can't get your own ice cream?"
Asuka scowled. "Shinji likes doing things for me," she pointed out. "It makes him feel useful."
Nagara chuckled. "I see," she said.
"Well, it's not like I'm a bitch about it," Asuka said, lying down again. "If he acted like it upset him I'd do it myself. But it doesn't; you saw him just now. This is just the way we both keep from getting mopey."
Nagara shrugged and let it go. "Fair enough," she said.
When Shinji returned, he presented Asuka her ice cream. "Some guys in there were talking about you," he said.
She made a face. "What'd they say?"
"It was pretty crude," he replied. "Mostly how they thought you were really attractive and how they wanted to . . . do things to you."
Her nose wrinkled in disgust. "Ewww!" She scowled. "That's disgusting."
"Yeah, it kinda was," he agreed. "But even so . . . "
"Tch. I don't want that kind of attention," she spat.
"I don't blame you," he said. "I'm just saying--"
"I know, I know," she said wearily. "Give it a rest already."
He shrugged and licked his ice cream.

[Bagheera]

Ah, in-laws. There's nothing quite like them, or so I hear. Here we have a story wherein Kyoko channels NemZ and Tines, and wherein Shinji gets to be just a little bit awesome. See what you think!

June 26, 2024

(click to show/hide)

June 26, 2024

Kyoko Soryu looked up as the door opened. "What do you want?" she hissed.
Misato Katsuragi stared back at her blandly. "We've been getting complaints--" she began.
"Like I care," Soryu spat. "Why are you keeping me here? Where is my daughter?"
"We're not keeping her from you," Katsuragi said. "It's just, your situation is complicated, and she--"
"Stop lying to me," Soryu interrupted. "I want to see her."
Misato laughed nervously. "I understand, but--"
"Now!" Soryu demanded.
Katsuragi sighed. "Very well," she said. "If that's what you want. But she--"
Soryu scowled. "I don't care about what you have to say," she groused. "Only her."
"Alright then," Misato said, resigned. "I'll call her."

When Asuka entered the room, her mother was pacing back and forth like a caged animal. Her head snapped toward her daughter as soon as she opened the door. "Asuka!" she exclaimed, hurrying over to her. "Finally! Why are they keeping me here? What's going on?"
Asuka took her mother by the arms, trying to calm her down. "It's fine, mama," she said. "Things are just a little complicated."
Kyoko scowled at her. "'Complicated' is a word people used to justify bad behavior," she muttered.
Asuka winced. "It's not like that," she said. "The doctors are worried about you. They know how bad things were for me when I came back, so they're being extra careful with you. And we're also trying to get your living situation sorted out--"
"What's to sort out?" Kyoko said, interrupting her. "I'm a grown woman, I can live perfectly well on my own."
Asuka gave her a weak smile. "Oh?  How much have you slept since you returned?"
Kyoko stared at her. "Very little," she admitted. "Every time I close my eyes, those things, those loathsome beasts . . . "
"I know, mama," Asuka said. "It was the same for me. That's why we're trying to be careful."
Kyoko shrugged. "Fine, then. I'll stay with you if that's what you want. Or would that be too much of a burden?"
Asuka shook her head sharply. "No, of course not! I'd love to have you stay with me, I really would. It's just that, well . . . " she hedged.
Kyoko's eyes narrowed. "This is about a man, isn't it?"
Asuka flushed. "Um, kinda."
Kyoko crossed her arms. "Typical. Men are always like that, controlling peoples' lives." She rubbed a temple. "I don't even know why I think that, it's not like I remember anything. But I know it's true. Everyone else, all those other people confirmed it."
"He's not like that, mama," Asuka said. "He's really not."
Kyoko looked at her, chin in hand. "Then what's the issue?" she asked wearily.
"Well . . . " Asuka hesitated. Then she directed her voice to the open door. "Shinji? Could you come in here for a minute?"
Kyoko stared her in confusion, which turned to shock when Shinji entered the room. He smiled nervously at her. She turned back to Asuka. "Have you lost your mind?" She breathed, horrified. "Why would you take up with him, of all people?"
"Mama--" Asuka began.
"After what he did to you? To us? Why would you even entertain the idea--"
"Mama, please--" Asuka pleaded.
Kyoko turned to Shinji. "What have you done to her, you louse? She would never associate with you after what you did. What are you--"
Shinji licked his lips nervously. "Please, Mrs. Soryu, you're upsetting her, she--" He broke off when Asuka touched his arm.
Kyoko opened her mouth, a contemptuous reply on her lips, but a glance at Asuka brought her up short. She was trembling, visibly upset. Kyoko closed her mouth and waited.
Asuka closed her eyes, breathing deeply to calm herself. Then she opened her eyes and met her mother's gaze. "Please don't say things like that, mama. I know he's made a lot of mistakes," she said. Kyoko scoffed, but didn't reply. "But that was a long time ago. He's tried very hard to make amends since, and he's been very good to me. Please, just let me explain. Please, mama."
Kyoko glared at Shinji, then shook her head in disgust. "Fine," she muttered. "I guess I have no choice."

"You can't be serious," Kyoko said, aghast. "Me? Living under the same roof as him? That's insane."
"Mama--" Asuka began.
"Even if things are as you say, that doesn't change my feelings," Kyoko went on. "To me he's still . . . " she clenched her hands into fists, then let it go. "No. Impossible. I'd rather take my chances on my own."
Asuka's face fell. "I see," she mumbled.
Kyoko's head snapped up at the tone in her daughter's voice. "Wait," she said. "I didn't mean it like that." She hurried over to Asuka, and when she spoke there was an edge of panic in her voice. "You have to believe me, Asuka, I would never--"
Asuka smiled weakly. "I know, mama. It's fine. We'll . . . we'll figure something else out." She turned to Shinji. "Come on," she said. "Let's go. We'll talk to Misato, I guess. See what else we can do."
Shinji looked from one woman to the other and back again, chewing his lip in indecision. Finally, he clenched his fist and turned to Kyoko. "Mrs. Soryu," he said, "Please reconsider."
Asuka grit her teeth. "Shinji . . . " she warned, the tone of her voice unmistakable.
Shinji ignored her, continuing to address Kyoko. "This is very important to her," he went on. "She's missed you terribly these past few years, and she was so excited to have you back. I can't bear the thought that I'm getting in the way of that."
"Shinji, that's enough," Asuka growled.
Once again, Shinji ignored her. He got on his hands and knees, bowing low before Kyoko. "Please, Mrs. Soryu. Please give me the chance to prove you wrong!"
Kyoko looked at the man on the ground before her, then turned to Asuka, utterly baffled.
Asuka flushed and hid her face with her hands. "Shinjiii!" she whined.
Kyoko turned back to Shinji. "Get up, you fool. You're embarrassing yourself."
"A little embarrassment is nothing compared to what you've suffered!" he said. "For your daughter's sake and for mine, please reconsider!"
Kyoko frowned with distaste, then threw up her hands. "Fine, whatever you want. Just cease this ridiculous display this instant!"
Shinji stood, keeping his eyes on the floor as he moved to stand by Asuka. He snuck a glance at her, and winced at her disapproving frown.
Asuka turned to her mother, her expression hopeful. "Do you mean it, mama? You'll reconsider?"
Kyoko just waved a hand in exasperation. Then she turned to Shinji. "Your father was bad enough, but you're unbelievable. You really are an idiot," she stated flatly. Shinji blinked, while Asuka looked poleaxed. A moment later she suppressed a giggle. "What is it?" Kyoko asked, looking from one to the other. "What's so funny?"
Asuka gave her a strained smile and scratched her head. "It's nothing, mama. I'll explain later."
Kyoko was not amused. "Tch."

"Are you absolutely sure about this?" Misato asked. "I know you said she agreed, but even so . . . "
"No, I'm not certain at all," Asuka replied. "But what other options do we have? I don't want her living alone, and I'm not about to kick Shinji out of his own home. And besides," she went on, "I don't think I could deal with her on my own, anyway."
Misato bit her lip. "Things have been pretty rough for you since she came back, haven't they?"
Asuka laughed mirthlessly. "What gave it away?"
"The circles under your eyes, Shinji's nervousness, your jumpiness. It would be obvious even if I didn't know you as well as I do."
"Figures," Asuka said.
Misato stood and stretched. "Alright then. If this is what you want then so be it. I'll get your mother's discharge paperwork sorted out and you can take her home today."
Asuka nodded. "Okay. Thanks, Misato."
Misato smiled at her. "Sure. Just be careful, alright?"

Kyoko awoke with a start, breathing heavily. She blinked several times in confusion, looking around her in bewilderment until recognition set in. She lay back down and closed her eyes again. After a time she became aware of pressure in her bladder; she got up, slid open the bedroom door, and proceeded down the hall to the bathroom. When she was finished she came back, and spared a glance for the two sleeping figures in the apartment's living room. They lay in one another's arms, sleeping fitfully. As she watched Asuka murmured in distress; a nightmare, perhaps. Shinji responded by tightening his arms around her, holding her securely, which quieted her down. She nuzzled his chest and pressed close to him. The expression on her face was . . . not content, surely, but at least calm. Safe. Secure. Kyoko closed her eyes and sighed in resignation. "Why him, of all people?" she lamented. She shook her head and headed back into the bedroom and lay down, but sleep eluded her for the rest of the night.

[Bagheera]

My output is not great of late. Time to get to work on that! Also time to work on the cast that isn't Asuka, because jeez, man. So here you go:

April 3, 2021

(click to show/hide)

April 3, 2021

"Kaji?" Misato asked. She sat on her futon, hugging her knees to her chest and staring at her toes.
"Mmmm?" he replied. He lay stretched out beside her, one hand pillowed under his head and the other lying idly on his stomach.
"Can I ask you something?" she asked. Her voice had a plaintive note in it.
Kaji stared at the ceiling. "Sure," he said.
Misato bit her lip, flexing her toes. "Why did you come back?" she asked. "From Instrumentality, I mean."
Kaji glanced at her bare back. "Well--" he began, a smirk in his tone.
She half turned her head toward him. "And don't say it was for me," she interrupted. "I know better."
Kaji laughed nervously, caught. "I guess the mask never fooled you for a minute, did it?"
She shrugged.
Kaji was silent for several moments, then relented with a sigh. "It was for my brother," he said.
Misato turned, staring at him in surprise. "Heishiro? Why?"
Kaji gave her a sidelong glance, then returned his eyes to the ceiling. "Ever since that day in the warehouse, I knew I didn't deserve to live. I traded his life, and the lives of our friends, for mine, and there's nothing I can do to balance those scales. Death was all I deserved."
Misato slumped, heartbroken. "Kaji . . . "
He continued as if she hadn't spoken. "But then, when I saw them in Instrumentality . . . " He frowned. "I dunno. They understood, I guess. They weren't angry. It was . . . it was a really rough time. I didn't do right by them, but I think they understood."
Misato frowned, puzzled. "Then why . . . ?"
Kaji leveled a stare at her. "They can come back, Katsuragi. They can crawl out of the ocean like anyone else. And when they do, they deserve the right to confront me, to hold me accountable. I stole their lives, and this is the least I can do for them in return."
Misato turned her head to the side. "And then what?" she asked.
He shot her a puzzled look. "Huh?"
She turned back to him. "They're a bunch of kids, Kaji. Heishiro was, what, twelve years old when he died? What do you think they're going to do to you?"
Kaji blinked. "Well . . . "
"Once you have your reckoning," she pressed, "no matter how it goes, what then?"
He sat up, tense. "I, ah, hadn't thought that far ahead, actually."
She turned around fully. "There are people here, right now, who need you, Kaji. Me, the kids . . . "
He held up his hands defensively. "Come on, Katsuragi. The kids are adults now, and they take care of you as much as you take care of them. None of you need me."
She leaned in to him. "We do," she hissed, her voice low and lethal.
Kaji licked his lips, then lowered his hands, defeated. "I'm sorry, Katsuragi. I don't know what else to say. I just . . . " he trailed off, helplessly.
Misato ground her teeth. Her lip curled up into a sneer, and she turned away, disgusted.
Kaji made to get up. "Do you want me to leave?"
She shook her head, slowly. "No."
Kaji sighed. "Come on, Katsuragi. There are some things we just can't get past. Your father--"
She glared at him. "I know," she growled.
"I'm still here," he said. "I'll still--"
"I know," she said, repeating herself. The anger was gone, replaced by resigned melancholy.
He spread his hands. "What else can I do?" he asked.
She shook her head, smiling sadly. "Nothing," she said. "Never mind. Forget I brought it up."
He frowned. "Katsuragi--" he began.
"Forget it," she said, lying down. "I'm tired, Kaji. Just hold me and let me pretend a little, okay? If you can do that, I think that might be enough."
He sighed, then did as she asked, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her tight against him. As she slept he stared at the wall before him, frowning in thought.

[Bagheera]

I wrote the first draft of this drunk out of my mind, and had to change very little of it on the second pass. It seems alcohol does nothing to my lucidity even if it does kick my judgement in the crotch. Ah well, whatever. Enjoy.

July 3, 2024

(click to show/hide)

July 3, 2024

Asuka stared at the numbers in front of her, trying to force them to make sense by force of will alone. But it didn't work; the math didn't add up, no matter how she looked at it. She scratched her head, growling in frustration.
Her mother pursed her lips, looking at her with slight disdain. "What are you so upset about?" she asked.
Asuka shook her head. "The equations don't work. The math is all off. I can't figure out what's wrong."
Shinji shot her a sympathetic look, but kept his mouth shut; there was nothing he could do for her here, and he knew it. But Kyoko took one look at her work and frowned in disapproval. "Why are you using an unbounded value for Epsilon?" she asked.
Asuka looked at her, confused. "I accounted for the Earth's magnetic field," she said.
"Silly girl," Kyoko chided. That earned her a frown from Shinji, something not lost on either woman. "What of gravitic and temporal effects?"
Asuka scowled at her. "Those are weak forces, they aren't even relevant."
Kyoko crossed her arms, frowning at her daughter. "How foolish. Epsilon is a progressive value, and that means its interaction with spacetime must be addressed if we are to fully appreciate the utility of the AT Field." She typed a figure using Asuka's keyboard. "Here, try this instead," she said. Asuka reluctantly re-ran her calculations, and her eyes widened when she saw the results. "Holy shit," she exclaimed. "Everything works out. Like . . . everything!"
Kyoko preened. "Of course," she said. "I developed Unit 02, you know. I understand these things."
Asuka grinned in delight. "Mama," she said, "why don't you come work with me? It would make things so much easier . . . "
Kyoko scoffed at her. "Don't be silly," she said. "My knowledge is twenty years out of date. What possible use would I be at a modern university?"
Asuka deflated at that, but Shinji perked up. "I think that's a good idea," he said.
Kyoko glared at him. "When I want your opinion, Ikari, I'll be sure to beat it out of you."
Shinji sighed, and fell silent.
Asuka frowned at her mother. "Mama," she said, "don't talk to him like that. You make me want to defend him, and then I have to be nice to him."
Kyoko smirked. "So tragic," she said.
Shinji bit his lip, then said, "I would be okay with that, actually."
Asuka hushed him. "You be quiet," she said.
Shinji sighed again.
Kyoko pursed her lips, then said, "Well, I suppose I could offer my services as a consultant. I'm sure the University wouldn't object to that."
Asuka smiled in delight. "That'd be wonderful!" she exclaimed.
Shinji nodded in agreement. "And with any luck you'll be able to make sure she eats properly, too."
Kyoko raised an eyebrow. "Oh?" she asked.
Asuka glared at Shinji. "It's nothing," she said.
Shinji frowned. "It's not," he said.
Asuka folded her arms, clearly unhappy.
"Three times in the last week," Shinji began, "you skip breakfast and say you'll make up for it at lunch. Each time I made you a bento, and you brought it home uneaten."
Asuka huffed in frustration. "Stop acting like I have a problem or something," she began. "I just get distracted and forget, that's all. It's not like I don't make up for it later!"
"Well then," Kyoko said, "surely having someone around to remind you would be no great chore."
Asuka laughed nervously. "Mama," she said, "c'mon . . . "
Kyoko nodded to herself. "I'm a consultant," she said. "I clearly have to look after my employers."
Shinji nodded earnestly. "I agree!" he said.
Asuka looked from one to the other and back again. "Since when did you two team up?" she asked.
Shinji looked at Kyoko. "We teamed up?" he asked.
Kyoko quirked an eyebrow. "I was not aware," she said.
Asuka threw up her hands. "Oh, come on," she exclaimed, exasperated.
Shinji couldn't help but laugh.

Future plans: Another round with Fuyu, Kaji's brother, Shinji and Dr. Okada, Akira Katsuragi, and perhaps something with the Bon festival in Okinawa, since it's directly relevant to Asuka's issues.

[Bagheera]

Hey Bagheera, is it too rude to ask for an update? I really like this fan-fic and look forward to reading the next chapter.

You may ask. And sometimes, I might even oblige:

June 29, 2024

(click to show/hide)

June 29, 2024

Shinji woke with a start as Asuka bolted from the bed, only belatedly realizing it was in response to her mother's cry. He flipped onto his back, his arm across his forehead, and stared at the ceiling. "Every single night," he mumbled.
In the bedroom Asuka tried to comfort her mother as best she could, her arms wrapped protectively around the hunched figure before her. "It'll be okay, mama," she said. "We'll take care of you, you're safe here."
"Stop that," Kyoko spat. She shivered, hugging herself tightly, but the venom in her voice was unmistakable.
Asuka frowned. "Eh?" she asked.
Kyoko glared at her. "You're a grown woman, not a child," she said peevishly. "You should address me accordingly."
Asuka drew back, hurt. "Yes, ma-mother," she said. Her eyes were downcast. "I'll, um . . . I'll leave you alone, if that's what you want." She stood, and headed for the door.
Kyoko's eyes widened in alarm. Her hand snaked out to grab Asuka's wrist, and when she spoke there was a quaver in her voice. "Wait!" she said. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I'm just . . . I'm sorry."
Asuka gave her a sympathetic smile. "It's okay, mama," she said. "I understand."
Kyoko ran her hands through her disheveled hair. "It's so aggravating," she murmured. "They aren't even my memories. I saw these people on that horrible day, and they say they knew me. And the memories they have, their thoughts and opinions of me . . . all of it is real, but none of it is mine. I can't even begin to understand that. Your father and his infidelities, some professor who had an affair with me when I was a student at the university in Tokyo-2, friends and relatives I don't even remember . . . this is what passes for my life, and I remember none of it. But they do, and they shared it with me, and now I'm just a miasma of confusion and uncertainty. How do I turn that into an identity when all that's truly mine is the time I spent in that stupid monster?"
Asuka waved her hands in a useless gesture. "I don't know, mama," she said miserably. "I wish I knew what to say, but I just don't know."
Kyoko rubbed her temples. "Foolish child," she chided. "It's not like there's some magic answer that will fix everything, anyway." She sighed, then glanced at her daughter. "How did you get through it?" she asked.
Asuka looked at her hands. "I don't . . . I don't think I did, mama." She turned, looking through the bedroom's door at the futon and its sole occupant in the room beyond. "I've been better the past couple of years, since I got things sorted out with Shinji and the other people in my life, but that's just saying I have more good days than bad now."
Kyoko frowned. "Does he really make that big of a difference? I've never known men to be all that useful." Her frown twisted into a smirk. "Even in his own mind your father was a louse, and that professor wasn't much better." She jerked her head toward Shinji. "Even his father--"
Asuka's eyes widened. "Him too?" she squeaked.
Kyoko blinked. "Huh?" When she caught Asuka's meaning she drew back, a look of disgust on her face. "Oh, God no! I didn't mean it like that. What a disgusting thought." She suppressed a shudder. "I just meant that no one could understand what Yui saw in the man. All my friends from the university seem to think I was thoroughly disgusted with him, and that seemed to be a common reaction upon meeting him."
Asuka's lips twisted into a smirk. "I wouldn't know," she said.
Kyoko quirked an eyebrow at her. "Oh? Wasn't he your commanding officer?"
"Hah!" Asuka spat. "Yeah, in theory. But he never met with me," she grumbled. "Not even once."
Kyoko frowned in puzzlement. "How peculiar," she murmured.
Asuka shrugged. "Not really," she mused. When Kyoko cocked her head in confusion Asuka continued. "I was superfluous, you see. I didn't have a place in 'the scenario' and so he didn't think me worth his time. It was all about little Miss Perfect and the idiot out there from day one."
"That's revolting," Kyoko said, grimacing.
"Yeah, I thought so," Asuka said with a laugh. She looked at Shinji again, and her expression sobered. "I resented him so much for that, for being important while I was cast aside. But he didn't ask for it, and that 'importance' amounted to him being used in some pretty awful ways. Once I understood and accepted that . . . " She nodded. "Yeah, he makes a difference. The pain never goes away, not completely, but with him around I can cope." She smiled wryly. "Maybe it's because he keeps distracting me by being an idiot, I dunno."
Kyoko snorted. "There are worse things, I suppose."
Asuka nodded. After a time she looked at her mother, concern in her eyes. "Will you be alright, then?  I mean, I can stay if you like--"
Kyoko waved her off. "I think I'm alright now," she said. "I'll let you know if I need anything. Get some sleep, if you can."
Asuka nodded. "Okay," she said.

Asuka flopped down beside Shinji on the futon, her arm across her eyes.
"Are you okay?" he asked tiredly.
"Yeah," she said. "Drained."
"Mmmm," he mumbled
She shot him a sidelong glance. "Was this how you felt dealing with me?"
He chuckled. "You make it sound like it's a thing of the past."
She glared at him, then punched him in the arm. He rewarded her with a satisfying yelp. "Ouch!" he said, rubbing his arm. "You know it's true!"
"Hmph." She returned her attention to the ceiling, lost in thought.
Shinji watched her for a few moments, frowning. Then, with a mental shrug, he lay a hand on her shoulder; she tensed up, and he drew back his hand with a sigh.
"Sorry," she said. "I'm just . . . "
"I know," he said.  "It's fine."
Shinji had almost fallen asleep when she spoke again. "I wish there was more I could do for her," she mumbled.
He yawned. "Yeah."
"I've been through this myself. I feel like I should be able to do something," she said.
"I know," he said. "But at least you're here, right? That's something."
"Mmph," she said, sulking.
"It will get better," he said. "You know it will."
She didn't reply. Instead she closed her eyes, gradually drifting off into a fitful sleep.

It's shitty, I know. I'll try to work on it later. After I get back from my trip (overseas escort to Kosovo, whee).

[Bagheera]

What's that? Double tap? OH NO I DIDN'T!

September 13, 2030

(click to show/hide)

September 13, 2030

The man emerged from the LCL, clad in tattered scraps of clothing. He remembered . . . something. A sense of urgency, of something gone terribly wrong. What was it, he wondered? And, more importantly, where was his daughter?
He turned back, looking across the LCL sea. For a moment, he beheld the visage of a boy, a youth with grey hair and red eyes. The boy smiled at him, a smile of understanding and forgiveness. The man blinked, and the boy was gone.
When he turned toward the shore, he found men there waiting for them. They were armed and they asked questions. What is your name? Where are you from? Do you have any family that you know of? He gave them their answers, disoriented as he was, and wondered what had happened since the world went to hell.

They brought him to the wing of a hospital, something they called the "recovery ward". He looked around, utterly bewildered. His last memory was of Antarctica, how on Earth did he wind up here? And where was his daughter?

It wasn't long before he saw her: a tall woman, with raven-black hair. But that couldn't be, could it? She was his age, and his Misato was only a girl. But then she looked at him, and the clipboard dropped from her hand. "Father?" she asked.

Impossible, he said. She was a just a child, and yet . . . and yet . . .

There were people he had to meet, she said. Family, her family. He'd never been good with family, never done right by them, so it seemed fitting that he have an accounting with hers. He was nervous, somehow. Why was he even here?

She took him home, and he met her "family". A boy, a girl . . . no, that wasn't quite accurate. They were adults, clearly. The Second and Third Children, she said. Pilots? Evangelions? All the fruits of his efforts, somehow. And then her husband, and her . . . nephew? Adopted son? That part wasn't clear. And then . . .

The vision of her struck him like a bolt of lightning. Her honey blonde locks, that imperious expression . . . he'd recognize her anywhere. "Kyoko?" he asked.
She stared at him, the way a regent might stare at a worm. "Oh," she said. "It's you."
The red-headed girl -- Kyoko's daughter, apparently -- stared at him. She shifted her gaze from him to her mother and back again. "Eh?" she asked. "What?" Her eyes widened with horror as the meaning of her mother's words sank in. "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT???"

Oh wait, I did.

Not sure about the style of this one; maybe it's great, maybe it sucks, I dunno. I originally had this set as the final chapter of the story, but . . . stuff happens. Not ready to abandon this sandbox just yet, so plenty more to come.