March 14, 2021

Kaji opened the door to the roof of the apartment complex and stepped outside. He turned his head, taking in the city's skyline, then stopped short when he discovered the roof was already occupied. Asuka was there, lying spread eagled on the ground, a completely bored and listless expression on her face. She turned at the sound of the door opening, regarding him with a frown.
"Heya kid," he said, the friendly mask slipping into place. He strode over to her as she sat up. "What brings you up here?"
She shrugged, bringing her knees to her chest. "Just wanted to get away from them," she said.
He stuck his hands in his pockets, regarding her with a frown. "I thought you all got along these days," he said.
She shrugged. "More or less, yeah," she said. "But they can still be annoying sometimes."
He laughed lightly. "Oh? And why's that?"
She stood up. She was much taller now, he noted, probably 168 cm or so. She looked around, brushing her hands together as she replied. "They're just so . . . helpful," she grumped.
Kaji nodded sympathetically. "I see," he said. "That is truly tragic, yes."
She scowled at him. "That's not what I mean," she said. "It's always 'help Asuka' and 'take care of Asuka' and 'make sure Asuka's alright'. And it's not just Shinji being a dumb guy, either. Misato does it too. It gets irritating after awhile."
"Hmmm." He looked at her curiously. "Are they being patronizing?"
She shook her head. "Nah, nothing like that. They mean well, it's just that . . . well, I start to feel like a leech after awhile."
Kaji nodded in understanding. "I think I see the problem," he said. "You feel like you should be returning the favor, even though that's really not your style."
"Pretty much, yeah," she agreed.
Kaji dug out a cigarette and lit up. "Kid, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret," he said, inhaling deeply. "They aren't doing that for you."
She cocked her head, incredulous. "What are you talking about?" she asked.
"Don't misunderstand," he said. "I'm not saying they don't care for you, because it's obvious they do. But when they hover over you like that it's for their sake, not yours. They feel terrible about what happened to you, and any chance they get to make things easier for you is a gift to them. For them, it's all about balancing the scales, about trying to undo the sins of the past."
She grinned wryly. "So you're saying I'm doing my part just by letting them fuss over me?"
He shrugged. "That's how they work. Helping others lets them feel useful, lets them validate their own existence. People like us don't really understand that, since we define our self worth in other ways. And that's fine, really; they're happy when they can help us, and we're happy when they're happy. It's a symbiotic relationship, one that benefits everyone." He scratched his cheek self-consciously. "I used to think that was a man/woman thing, but between you and Shinji I'm not so sure anymore."
"Idiot," she said. "Girls are more complicated than you think." She frowned, considering. "Guys too, I guess."
He chuckled. "So I'm learning."
She plucked his cigarette out of his mouth, taking a deep drag on it before handing it back to him and heading toward the rooftop door.
"Since when do you smoke?" he asked.
"I don't," she said. "It annoys the idiot. But sometimes, when the opportunity presents itself . . . " She shrugged, hands outstretched, then ran her fingers through her hair.
She opened the door to the roof and headed inside, Kaji watching her backside all the while. He smiled to himself, thinking about how lucky Shinji had it, then looked out past the edge of the roof to the city lights beyond.

In Japanese, Misato's and Okada's lines re: Rei would be reversed. That is to say, it would read like this:

Dr. Okada: Ayanami . . .
Misato: . . . -san?

This is a far more significant exchange than it appears to be in the English version. Asuka is referring to Rei with respect here, referencing her with her name and the proper honorific rather than calling her "Miss Perfect" or "The Commander's pet" as she typically does. Rei has done something profound on Asuka's behalf, and the latter recognizes this fact. It is difficult to convey this particular subtlety in English, but I'm confident it would come across clearly in Japanese.

June 22, 2024

Asuka exited the shop, bag in hand, and paused when she hit the sidewalk. She put a hand on her hip and frowned, then gave a little shrug and turned to head up the street. She moved at a lackadaisical pace, stopping every now and then to peer into shop windows. She continued in this manner for half an hour or so, until she hit the end of the block.
She paused, an odd feeling taking hold of her. A burst of movement from her left caught her attention; a startled flock of birds rushed overhead, taking flight. She followed their movement for a moment, then looked back around the corner. That was when she saw her.
Rei Ayanami.
She stood perhaps halfway down the block, dreamy and ethereal, an apparition looking just as she had in life -- placid, detached, utterly unconcerned. But then she met Asuka's eyes, a clear sign of recognition in them, and she smiled at her, a touch of melancholy on her lips.
Asuka frowned, puzzled. Her phone beeped with an incoming text, distracting her. Asuka dug through her purse, finding the phone and reading the screen, and dropped her bag in shock. Come to RW right away, it read. She looked up at Rei, but the girl was gone. "Mama," she breathed. She launched herself into a sprint, barreling down the street toward Herz HQ. It was six blocks away, but she didn't care -- she ran the whole distance. Somewhere along the way her phone rang, but she ignored it. She had to get to the Recovery Ward! That single thought consumed the entirety of her being.
She stopped at the main gate and handed her ID card to the guard on duty.
"Hey, Miss Soryu," he said. "Nice weather we're having, eh?"
Asuka shook her head, gasping for breath, and he shrugged. He scanned her card and handed it back to her. "Have a nice day!" he said.
Asuka ignored him and continued toward the main building, the one which housed the Recovery Ward. She opened the door and continued to the automated turnstiles, swiping her card to gain access. Once she was through she hurried to the elevators and pressed the "down" button. She waited perhaps thirty seconds for an elevator to arrive, but it felt like an eternity. When the car arrived she entered and hit the button for the Recovery Ward, enduring another tedious trip down.
The doors opened, and she proceeded to the main desk to sign in. The nurse on duty smiled at her. "Hello Miss Soryu!" she said. "Who are you here to see?" she asked.
Asuka glanced at her. "Where is Katsuragi?" she asked, distracted.
The nurse cocked her head. "Colonel Katsuragi?" she asked. She thought for a moment. "I think she's in Ward 7," she said.
Asuka nodded, then hurried down the hall. She entered Ward 7, and found Misato and Dr. Okada waiting for her. She looked at the doctor, surprised by his presence, then turned to Misato. "Mama," she breathed. "Where is she?"
Misato smiled brightly. "Ah, there you are, Asuka. Glad you got my text." She frowned. "Wait, how did you know who it was?" she asked.
"Miss Ayanami," Asuka said, distracted.
Misato and Dr. Okada shared a look. "Miss . . . " Misato began.
" . . . Ayanami?" Okada finished.
Asuka ignored them. She just stared at the door before her and made to open it, a look of desperation in her eyes.
Misato grabbed her arm, stopping her. "Asuka . . . " she began.
Asuka tried to pull away from her. "Let me go!" she whined. "I have to see mama!"
"Wait," Misato said, her grip firm. "She's not the person you remember."
"I don't care," Asuka said. "Let go!"
"Asuka!" Misato growled, shaking the girl. "Stop fighting me and think for a moment!" She took Asuka's shoulders in hand, holding her tightly. "For her, Third Impact happened yesterday." She shook the girl again. "Think about how you felt!"
Asuka stopped, the reality of Misato's words setting in. She looked at Misato, then at Okada, then at the door to the room. Then she looked down at her arm, at the scar running up its length. "That's right," she admitted. "She'll remember everything, won't she?"
Misato nodded. "Yes," she said. "She's a raw nerve right now. I know you need to see her, but you need to be careful."
Asuka chewed her lip, then nodded carefully. "Fine," she said, pushing against Misato. "I understand."
Misato looked at Dr. Okada, a question in her eyes. He nodded, and Misato let the girl go. She turned and opened the door to the room before her.
Kyoko Soryu lay on the bed, her knees drawn to her chest. Even with her eyes closed her face showed obvious signs of distress.
"Mama?" Asuka asked.
The figure on the bed stirred. "Asuka?"  she whispered, turning her head toward the door. She stared at the woman before her. "You . . . you can't be Asuka," she said, frowning. "She's just a girl."
Asuka flinched, but gave the woman a gentle smile. "It's me, mama," she said. "I'm all grown up now."
Kyoko scrutinized her further, noting the girl's hair, her eyes, her face, and finally the scars framing her eye. She looked at Asuka's arm, and found the scar running up its length. Her eyes widened in recognition. "It is you," she breathed.
Asuka nodded.
Kyoko met her eyes, and her face crumpled. "I'm sorry," she said, tears streaming down her face. "I'm so sorry." She covered her eyes with her hands, unable to look at her daughter any longer.
Asuka rushed forward, embracing her mother. "It's fine," she said. "I'm alright."
Kyoko shook her head, sobbing.
Asuka stroked her hair. "Don't worry mama," she said, holding the woman tightly. "I'll take care of you. Everything will be fine."
Kyoko clung to her, shuddering in despair, unable to articulate her thoughts.

Misato and Dr. Okada watched the reunion from the hallway, staring at the two through the observation window.
Misato sighed heavily, running a hand over her face. "What do we even do with her?" she asked.
Dr. Okada stroked his chin, deep in thought. "Obviously, her connection with her daughter is paramount at this point," he said.
Misato huffed. "I got that much," she groused.
Dr. Okada smiled. "Beyond that, we need simply be patient. This should be good for Asuka, since it will give her a taste of what you and Shinji went through when caring for her. With luck, she'll learn to appreciate your efforts even more."
Misato scowled. "I'm not concerned with appreciation, doctor. I just want to know how we keep that woman--" she jerked her head toward Kyoko-- "from ruining all the progress we've made thus far."
Okada laughed, holding up a hand defensively. "Sorry, sorry," he said. "I think it will be fine, so long as it's just the two of them." His face darkened. "But be sure to keep her away from Shinji," he warned. "To her, he's the pernicious fiend who failed them in their darkest hour, and who violated her daughter in particularly egregious fashion. She'll need time to adjust before facing the reality that their circumstances have changed so significantly."
Misato frowned. "Oh, God damn it." She looked at the doctor. "You realize they live together, right?"
Okada shrugged. "Then keep her here, or find Shinji other accommodations. Either way, make sure the two of them don't interact until she's had a chance to find her bearings."
Misato sighed. She pinched the bridge of her nose, then shook her head. "Being a parent sucks sometimes," she said.
Okada smiled, then took a sip of his coffee as he returned his attention to the women in the other room.

April 23, 2022

Shinji didn't recognize the guards who greeted him at the Fuyutsuki residence. They were U.N. soldiers, not Herz, and they were foreigners. They were neither pleasant nor rude with him; they simply checked his pass and let him enter.
The residence was large, but not opulent. Fuyutsuki greeted him at the entrance. "Third Child," he said. "Thank you for coming."
Shinji bowed to him.
Fuyutsuki smiled graciously. "Do you play Shogi?" the elder man asked.
Shinji gave him a confused look. "Well, I only know the rules," he said.
"Good enough," Fuyutsuki said. "Let's have a game." He led Shinji into his living room. "I'll start without my rook, bishop, and gold generals," he went on, sitting down on one side of the gameboard and removing the designated pieces.
They played, Shinji making a rather poor showing for himself. "Calm your mind," Fuyutsuki said. "It's critical to winning a battle."
Shinji's brows knit. "I don't fight anymore," he said. "My battle now is to live, nothing more."
Fuyutsuki glanced up at him, surprised, then smiled sadly. "Yes, I suppose that's true," he said. He sighed. "Thank you for accompanying an old man with his hobby," he said. He made a move. "You see," he went on, "I'm rather timid, too. I needed this excuse to get a chance to talk to you."
Shinji stared at him. "To talk to me?" he asked, wariness in his eyes.
Fuyutsuki nodded. "Do you remember your mother?" he asked.
Shinji tensed. "No," he replied. "I was very young." He gave the man a rueful smile. "And father destroyed all her belongings, as though he was trying to erase all trace of her from the world."
Fuyutsuki smiled. "That is not altogether inaccurate," he said. He produced a picture, one of Shinji's mother holding him as a baby. His father was in it as well; The elder Ikari looked happy, if somewhat uncomfortable.
Shinji looked at the photo. The woman looked very familiar. "Mother?" he said. He smiled slightly. "I guess it's obvious," he said. She looks just like Ayanami."
Fuyutsuki nodded. "Correct," he said. "She was the daughter of one of the founders of Seele, a very powerful woman. Your father's name was Rokubungi before he married her." He smiled, remembering. "She was my student at the university." He stared at Shinji, a hawklike gaze. "You knew your father during Instrumentality," he said. "Do you remember what happened to Yui?"
Shinji nodded, shifting uncomfortably. "She died during the Contact Experiment with Unit 01," he said.
Fuyutsuki frowned at Shinji's discomfort, but elected to continue. "And what do you remember of Rei Ayanami?" he asked.
"Ayanami?" Shinji asked. He frowned. "I think . . . after the Contact Experiment failed, Father tried to restore Mother," he said. "But it didn't work. Instead he got Ayanami, somehow." He shrugged. "Or he made her from mother's remains." He shook his head. "I don't know the details."
Fuyutsuki nodded. "That's correct," he said. "But do you understand why the effort to recover your mother failed?"
"I . . . " Shinji blinked. "No, I don't," he admitted.
Fuyutsuki nodded again. "I thought as much. This is what Ikari -- Gendo Ikari," he clarified, "your father, should have explained to you."
Shinji frowned. "What is there to explain?" he asked, puzzled. "The procedure didn't work. Isn't that the end of it?"
Fuyutsuki shook his head. "No," he denied. "Not at all." He looked at Shinji, his expression grave. "The recovery process failed because she didn't want to return."
Shinji froze, his mouth open slightly in shock. He shook himself. "That doesn't make sense," he whispered. "Why wouldn't she want to come back?"
Fuyutsuki smiled at him sadly. "Your mother entered the Evangelion of her own free will," he said. He closed his eyes, remembering. "The Contact Experiment wasn't a failure," he said. "It went exactly as she planned. Gendo didn't understand this, and he wanted to retrieve her. But his plans and hers did not align."
Shinji's eyes widened. "Her plans," he said. "What plans? What was she after?" There was a touch of panic in his voice.
Fuyutsuki smiled sympathetically. "Your mother was a brave woman," he said. "But to understand why, it helps to know something of the beings who created us."
Shinji stopped, taken aback. "The beings who . . . ?" he trailed off.
Fuyutsuki nodded. "We call them the First Ancestral Race," he said, "The creators of Adam and Lilith, and several more besides," he went on. "There were seven in all, each destined for a different world."
Shinji's eyes glazed over. "What are you talking about?" he asked, incredulous. "Aliens? People who aren't human?"
Fuyutsuki smiled. "Ah, but they were human. The first humans, in fact."
Shinji thought back to the day of Third Impact, to the time Misato told him the Angels themselves were human. "So they had human souls, then? Like us?"
Fuyutsuki nodded, then waved a hand dismissively. "But the details of their broader plan are not important. What is important is the fact that, for whatever reason, two of these beings, these Seeds of Life, accidentally wound up on Earth."
"Accidentally?" Shinji asked.
Fuyutsuki nodded. "Correct. This was supposed to be Adam's world," he said. "Lilith -- the being who created us -- was originally destined for another world." He smiled grimly. "But there was an error. We don't know how, but for some reason she was sent here along with Adam."
"I . . . " Shinji began, his earlier discomfort briefly forgotten in the face of this new absurdity. "How the hell do you make a mistake like that?"
Fuyutsuki shrugged. "As I said, we don't have the details. What we do know is that only one of these progenitor beings was permitted to exist on any given world. As such, our ancestors paired each of these beings with a weapon, the Lance of Longinus, which was designed to ensure that their plans would be executed properly."
Shinji scowled, bristling at the notion of what constituted "properly".
"But," Fuyutsuki went on, "Lilith's arrival on Earth was very traumatic; that impact wound up creating our moon, and it's possible Lilith's Lance was lost in the process." He shook his head absently. "Regardless of the reason, the Lance accompanying Adam elected to incapacitate him, leaving Lilith free to fulfill her directive." Fuyutsuki smiled ironically. "Of course, when Seele woke Adam in 2000, the event that would come to be known as Second Impact, he was once again free to fulfill his own directive. But we destroyed him before he could do so, and in the process created the being you knew as Kaworu Nagisa."
Shinji's breath caught. "Kaworu?" he asked.
Fuyutsuki nodded. "Yes."
"Kaworu . . . " Shinji trailed off, remembering. He sighed. His earlier discomfort returned, and forgotten pain besides. "Ayanami, and Kaworu. They--"
Fuyutsuki frowned, concerned by the pain in the young man's eyes. He held up a hand. "Please, Mr. Ikari," he said. "Don't think too harshly of them." He smiled sadly. "Their actions were not altogether their own."
Shinji frowned in confusion. "What do you mean?" he asked.
"Those two were avatars of the First Ancestral Race, and as such were Seeds of Life," Fuyutsuki said. "Their core directives, their need to create new life, took precedence over all other concerns, including their own personal desires."
Shinji shook his head. "But Kaworu said--"
Fuyutsuki nodded. "I am aware of what he said. But you should know that his intent was to preserve the will of the First Ancestral Race, and to ensure that their efforts on this planet continued as they originally intended. Seele bent that intent to their will, using it to manipulate him, to force him to do their bidding after he denied them during Second Impact." He levelled his gaze at Shinji, reassuring the man. "But then he met you," he said, "and everything changed."
Shinji swallowed thickly. "But the Angels and the Lilin couldn't live together . . . "
Fuyutsuki sighed. "Yes," he said, "that was the difficulty. Lilith had fulfilled her directive, and yet this was supposed to be Adam's world. The conflict thus created was incommensurable. In the end, Kaworu yielded to Lilith's will, at great personal sacrifice. And that was where Yui came in."
Shinji raised his head. "Mother?"
Fuyutsuki nodded. "Yes. Your mother chose to take on the burden of Adam, and through the form of the Evangelion fulfill his directive elsewhere." He smiled at Shinji. "She didn't abandon you," he said. "Rather, she chose to accept a sacred obligation, one beyond human comprehension. You should be proud of her," he went on. "Her devotion to duty and to her ideals was very admirable."
Shinji sat back, reeling. "That's why she left?" he whispered.
Fuyutsuki frowned. "Mr. Ikari--" he said, extending a hand.
Shinji stood, grabbing the table to steady himself. He was shaking, and could barely stand. He managed to bow to Fuyutsuki, bestowing the proper respect upon an elder. "Thank you for your insight, sir," he said, his voice wavering.
Fuyutsuki's eyes widened. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to upset you--"
"It's fine," Shinji lied, interrupting him. "Please, sir," he asked, "may I go now?"
Fuyutsuki hesitated a moment, then nodded, his lips a thin line. "As you will," he said.
When Shinji exited the building, Asuka had only to glance at him to know that something was very wrong. "What is it?" she asked him.
He stared at her. "Mother," he said. "She . . . I . . . " He turned to Misato. "I'd like to go home now, if that's alright."
Misato looked him over, worry in her eyes. "Okay," she said.
Asuka preceded him in the back seat, then turned to him when he joined her. "Are you alright?" she whispered.
He shook his head. "I don't think so, 'Suka. Not right now."
She bit her lip. "Alright," she said. She took his shoulders, coaxing him to lay his head in her lap. "It'll be okay," she said, trying to keep her voice calm and soothing. "I'll take care of you."
He nodded, wrapping his arms around himself. He didn't reply.
They were silent as Misato drove them home.

April 20, 2022

Shinji was just getting out of his evening class when his phone rang. He dug it out of his pocket and checked the caller. He touched the icon to reply. "Hi Misato," he said. "What's up?"
"Hiya Shinji," she said. Her voice was pleasant but somewhat subdued. "I have something I need to talk to you about," she went on.
Shinji frowned. "Like what?" he asked.
She cleared her throat. "Have you been following the news about Professor Fuyutsuki?"
"Yes," Shinji said, stopping as he reached the waiting area for his train. "Ever since you told me he returned."
"Right. Well, the trial is over," Misato went on. "He's been ordered placed on indefinite house arrest. It's a pretty mild sentence, all things considered, but he was completely forthcoming in his testimony, so the court was lenient."
"Okay." Shinji didn't know where this was going.
"Most of it wouldn't be of much interest to you," she said, "but . . . well . . . "
Shinji frowned again. "What is it?"
"He wants to talk to you directly, Shinji."
Shinji blinked, startled. "Me? But why?" he asked. "I mean, what could he possibly want to talk to me about?"
Misato hesitated. "All the things your father should have told you, but didn't. About your mother, the Evangelions, the Angels, and . . . Rei."
Shinji was silent for close to a minute. His train arrived, but he didn't get on board.
"Shinji?" Misato asked.
Shinji didn't answer.
"Shinji?" she said. She sounded worried now. "Are you still there?"
"I'm here," he said.
"Is it okay? Do you want to meet with him? You don't have to. I'll tell him no if you--"
"It's fine," Shinji said.
"Are you sure?" she asked.
"Yes. I'll meet with him. It's fine."
"Okay," she said. "If you're sure. I'll make the arrangements. Is Saturday alright?"
"That's fine," he said.
"Alright. I'll drive you out there," she said. "Asuka can come too, if she likes, but I think he wants to meet with you alone."
"Alright," Shinji said. "I'll tell her."
"Okay," she said. "Take care, Shinji."
"I will." He hung up and sat down on the bench, waiting for the next train.

August 21, 2021

Asuka exited the bathroom, heading toward the bed to flop down next to Shinji. "I'm tired," she mumbled.
Shinji nodded. "Yeah," he agreed. "Me too."
"I guess the festival was good and all," she went on, "but it took a lot out of me."
"Yeah," he said again.
Shinji had almost fallen asleep when she spoke again. "Shinji?" she asked.
"Hmmm?" he asked sleepily.
Asuka bit her lip. "Wanna go to the onsen?"
He turned his head, looking at her in confusion. "Huh?" he asked.
"The onsen," she mumbled. "Do you want to go?"
He paused a moment. "Really?" he asked.
She nodded.
"Um," he hedged. "That is, I, um . . . "
She narrowed her eyes. "If you don't want to--"
"It's not that!" he said, interrupting her. "I'm just surprised, that's all." He gave her an earnest smile. "I . .  . I'd like to go," he said. "Really."
"Hmph." She sat up, her brows knit. She stared at him for a moment, then relented. "Fine, then. Let's go." She got up, and began gathering bathing supplies. He followed her lead, before they exited the room and headed down to the hotel lobby.

Asuka frowned as she looked at the entrance to the onsen. "What the hell's the point of having mixed bathing if the washrooms are still separate? This sucks!"
"They do have family and private rooms," Shinji noted.
"That's just like taking a bath at home," Asuka muttered.
Shinji shook his head. "I don't think so," he said. "I read about them in the guidebook a few days ago. It said they're pretty big, and that they're outdoors, just like the main pools."
"Oh, please. They're probably kiddie pools or something," Asuka groused, unconvinced.
Shinji frowned, then smiled reassuringly. "Let's at least take a look," he said. "It can't hurt, right?"
Asuka shrugged, then reluctantly let him lead the way.

Asuka looked at the pool, a satisfied smile on her face. "Not bad, Third Child." She said. She nodded. "Yeah, this should work out fine."
Shinji sighed in relief. "Thank goodness," he said. "I wasn't sure you'd like it."
"Heh." She turned, heading back in to the washroom. "Let's get started then, eh?"
Shinji nodded, following her.
As she got undressed, Asuka said, "Just so we're clear, I'm really trusting you here. You better not do anything perverted!"
Shinji gave her a pained look. "Aren't I supposed to do perverted things to you? To want to, at least? I mean . . . "
She scowled at him. "Not right now! And not here!"
Shinji sighed. "Well, it's a moot point," he said primly, turning on the water. "Making you mad is the last thing in the world I want, so I'd never do something like that if you didn't want me to."
Asuka relaxed a bit, mollified. "Alright then," she breathed. "Then you can, y'know, wash my back and stuff." She sat on the bench, then handed him her body wash. "Here."
Shinji took the bottle and sat behind her, then grabbed the shower head and ran warm water down her back. He ran his hand over her back, taking note of the many tiny scars marring her otherwise beautiful skin. "I think you make too much of these," he murmured. "I don't think they look bad at all. I know you don't believe that, but it's true. That's what I think, anyway."
She huffed. "Yeah, well, you're an idiot, so your opinion doesn't count."
Shinji sighed, giving her a pained look. She didn't notice, of course, facing the other way as she was. He put the shower head down, then opened the body wash and squirted some into his hand. He rubbed his hands together, inhaling the sweet strawberry scent, then began to gently scrub her back.
Asuka mewled in contentment. "That feels nice," she murmured.
"Heh. We do live together, you know," he said, his voice low. "I can do this for you any time you like."
Asuka scowled. "Don't start with that, Shinji."
"Sorry," he said. "Just something to think about, that's all."
"You think I don't think about it?" she snapped. "You think I don't think about it every single day?" She stiffened under his hands, her irritation obvious.
He stopped for a moment, then squeezed her shoulders gently. "I know," he said. "I didn't mean anything by it. Please, don't be mad."
She took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. "Sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to snap at you. Rinse me off," she said. He did, and then she said, "okay, that's fine. Turn around. I'll do you next."

After Asuka finished with Shinji they finished cleaning themselves individually, then washed their hair. After that they wrapped towels around themselves and made for the pool. While not as large as the main pools, it was still rather substantial -- easily large enough to accommodate eight or so people comfortably. Asuka approached the edge, somewhat nervous, and then, with a deep breath, she dropped her towel and slipped into the warm water. A moment later Shinji followed suit.
"This is nice," Asuka said, swimming about in the shallow water.
"Yeah," Shinji agreed. "It feels good to relax after all the confusion of the festival."
Asuka fell silent for a few minutes, making her way back and forth across the pool. She looked at Shinji, sitting by the edge, his eyes closed and his head back. She chewed her lip thoughtfully. "Shinji?" she called to him.
He opened his eyes, turning to look at her. "Eh?" he asked.
"Come here," she said.
He waded over to her, a curious expression on his face. "What is it?" he asked.
"I--" She frowned. "It's just that . . . " She scowled, then leaned forward and kissed him. He froze in shock for a moment, then gently wrapped his arms around her, returning the kiss. She rested her hands on his chest, kneading it absently as her tongue wrestled with his. The kiss continued for a minute or so, until she clenched one hand into a fist, gently pushing him away. "Damn it," she whispered.
Shinji shook his head. "It's fine," he said. "Don't worry--"
"It's not fine!" she snapped. "It's fucking awful."
"I don't mind," he persisted.
Asuka splashed him with water. "For Christ's sake, Shinji, will you stop being such a fucking doormat all the time? I don't know what I expect you to do about it, but you could at least pretend it bothers you."
"But it doesn't," he said. He frowned. "Well, not really."
She tossed her head in irritation. "What are you talking about?" she snapped.
He shook his head. "I don't like seeing you upset, so that part bothers me. But I don't mind the rest of it. I just want to be with you," he said. "As long as we're together, that's enough for me."
Asuka snorted, crossing her arms. "Well, I'm glad you're content to be with a defective partner, but that doesn't do me any good. I'm still . . . useless." She was on the verge of tears, now.
Shinji shook his head again. "You don't understand," he said.
She glared at him. "I understand Japanese just fine, you moron."
He held up his hands. "No," he said, "that's not what I meant. What I meant was . . . " he sighed. "I don't think you're defective, Asuka."
She gave him a bewildered look. "Are you stupid?" she asked.
"No," he said firmly. "Not this time." He stood, pulling her up with him. "When I said I just wanted to be with you, I meant it.  I didn't mean I'd tolerate being with you even though we can't do this one thing." He stared at her, meeting her gaze directly. "I meant I want to share my life with you. As long as we're together, as long as we're close, that's what matters. I don't care about the details. A physical relationship, making love . . . that sounds great, but . . . " He scratched his head, considering. "Well, I'm not exactly healthy in that department either. So, maybe that's not for us. Maybe that's not the sort of relationship that will make us happy, and we're just fixated on it because it's what everyone else does. And if that's true, then maybe we don't need it." He looked into her eyes, his gaze firm. "We already sleep together, and bathe together, and hold one another when we're hurting. We're together. That's what's important. That's what I value."
She just stared at him, wide-eyed. "Shinji," she breathed.
He took her hands in his own. "If it feels right, we'll do it," he said gently. "And if it doesn't, we won't. I don't think we'll ever be like other people, but that's alright. This, what we have right here? This is fine. It's good." He gently squeezed her hands. "I know happiness isn't really our thing, but this is enough to make me content. And I want you to be content with it too. Can't you be satisfied with that?" He looked at her, his eyes pleading. "Please?" he begged.
She looked to one side, her brows knit as he mind worked. A few moments later she looked back at him. "Is it really okay?" she asked. "Would you really be satisfied if we never . . . you know. Would that really be fine with you?"
He brought a hand to her cheek, cupping her face gently. "I'd like to see it happen someday," he whispered. "But if it doesn't, that's fine." He gave her a tender kiss, then pulled back. "I love you, Asuka. That's enough."
She sniffled, then twined her arms around his neck, pressing close, embracing him. "Okay," she whispered, her voice barely audible. He held her close, stroking her back gently. They stood silently for several moments, the heat of the pool surrounding them. "Shinji?" Asuka asked.
"Yeah?" he replied.
"I like it when you're not an idiot," she said, her voice a breathy whisper. "You should do that more often."
He smiled at her, rubbing her back. "Okay," he said. "I'll try harder, then."

"Why do you feel so strongly about all of this, anyway?" Asuka asked. They were walking along the beach now, having gotten dressed and left the bath a short time earlier. Nagara and Takao followed them, a discreet distance separating the two pairs.
Shinji gave her a strange look. "What do you mean?" he asked.
"Us. Our relationship. It's like you're totally committed to it, no questions asked." She frowned, considering. "You've been like that ever since Third Impact, but you never were before. And I don't get it. I'm not exactly a nice person; I'm kind of a bitch sometimes, especially to you. And I know I've hurt you a lot. But even so, you seem absolutely determined to stay with me, no matter what. And I don't understand why."
Shinji looked out at the ocean, gathering his thoughts as he watched the moonlight dancing across the waves. He took a deep breath and released it slowly. "I . . . " He frowned. "Well, I've always been a little. . . obstinate, I guess?" Asuka made a face, and he shushed her. "Back when we were piloting," he went on, "Misato was always frustrated, because she couldn't just order me to do something. If I didn't want to do it, I wouldn't do it, ever. I always had to come up with my own reasons for piloting, and that was true for everything I did."
Asuka nodded. "Okay . . . "
"When I learned about your feelings during Instrumentality . . . " He broke off, frowning. "No, not during Instrumentality. The time before, I guess." He shrugged. "Anyway, when I learned about what had happened to you, about how you felt . . . well, I couldn't ignore that. Part of it was sympathy, since I knew you'd suffered so much. But part of it . . . " he shook his head. "There's something fierce about you, Asuka. Something strong and proud. And that inspires me. I love seeing that in you. It makes me want to be around you, even if you are kind of a bitch sometimes."
"Hey!" she said, smacking his arm.
He laughed at her. "You just admitted it!" he protested.
"Even so, you shouldn't say that about your girlfriend," she complained.
"Sorry, sorry. But I mean it. I want to see you succeed, to see you thrive, because just being around you when you're doing well makes me want to do better myself." His expression darkened. "And I hate it when you're hurting. That roaring fire in you fades to dull embers, and it's painful to see. I can't stand that, so when I see you like that I have to do something about it."
"Tch," she said. "Is that why you provoke me all the time? You distract me by making me angry so I won't have time to dwell on things that will make me miserable?"
"Uh, well . . . " He laughed, scratching his head. "I don't exactly put that much thought into it, but maybe? I guess?"
She smirked at him. After a moment's thought, she scratched her nose with her finger and said, "Let's go back to the room, Shinji. I have a surprise for you."
"Eh?" he asked, curious. "What do you mean?"
She just hmmmed and said nothing more.

When they got back to the room Asuka headed for her suitcase, rooting around until she found what she wanted.
"So what's this surprise, Asuka?" Shinji asked.
"Well," she said, a coy smile on her face. "Since you've been saying such nice things about me tonight, I decided to repay you with a little gift." She held out her prize in front of her. "I've decided I'll model this disgusting little suit Misato bought, letting you stare your pervy little heart out. What do you think of that, hmmm?"
Shinji looked at the suit and gulped. "Oh wow," he said, his eyes going wide.
Asuka gave him a satisfied smirk, pleased with his reaction. She planted her hand on his chest and gave him a firm push. He lost his balance, falling back on the bed. "You just wait there," she said, heading for the bathroom. "I'll be right back." She closed the door.
Shinji just stared at the door, unable to process what was happening to him. He heard the sounds of her undressing, and tried very hard not to let his imagination run wild. It didn't work. Presently, he heard a whine from the other side of the door. "Kyaaaaaa!" Asuka wailed. "This thing is disgusting! How can anyone even wear something like this?" The door opened a crack, and she stuck out her head. "You better appreciate your good fortune, you stupid brat! You have no idea how embarrassing this is!"
"I appreciate it!" he swore, nodding eagerly. "I'm very happy right now!"
"You better be," she muttered. She zipped up the front of the suit, then looked at herself in the mirror. As with her other suit, this one had a mock turtleneck collar. But unlike that suit, this one barely covered her breasts. The highleg bikini bottom was similarly scandalous, and she didn't even want to think about the thong back. But even so, she had to admit it looked good on her. The dark color suited her. She nodded, satisfied, and turned to exit the room. "Alright, I'm coming out."
She entered the room, and smirked when she got the expected reaction from Shinji. His mouth hung open, and he could only stare at her, utterly fascinated. When she turned around to give him a view of her backside he shifted uncomfortably, one hand covering his mouth as he drank in the sight of her. She watched him carefully, looking for signs of pity or disgust. But all she saw was admiration and lust. She ran a hand over her belly, running her fingers over her scars. "You really don't care about these at all, do you?"
He could only shake his head mutely. His eyes roamed everywhere, as though he couldn't decide what part of her he liked best. Now her breasts, now her legs, now her belly, even her throat, framed as it was by the short collar of her suit. She smiled as he leered at her, planting her hands on her hips and letting him stare as he liked. "I used to hate being stared at," she murmured. "But since you seem to like it so much . . . " She smiled absently. "Maybe I could get used to this," she mused. 
Shinji's eyes widened at the thought. "Oh wow," he said.
She quirked an eyebrow. "Oh?" she asked. "Like that idea, do you?"
Shinji nodded eagerly, utterly lost in the moment. "You're so beautiful, Asuka," he breathed. "I've never seen anyone so beautiful in my life."
She rolled her eyes. "You're either lying or you're an idiot," she laughed.
He shook his head. "I don't think I'm either," he said.
She tossed her head. "Well, whatever. Either way, I guess I gave you some material for your next 'alone time,' eh?" she asked, a lecherous grin on her face.
Shinji blinked. "Huh?"
"You know," she said. "When you . . . " she pointed toward his crotch.
Shinji's face fell, and he looked to the side. "I don't do that anymore," he muttered.
Asuka stared at him in surprise. "Really? Not even a little?"
"No. Never. Not since that day." His voice was dark and bitter.
Asuka grimaced. "Shinji . . . " she began.
"Just the thought of it disgusts me," he spat. He turned toward her, his gaze no longer admiring. "Why would you think I would do that? How could I?"
"But . . . well, what do you do when you get all excited and stuff?" she asked, her voice rising a bit.
"Nothing. I just deal with it," he muttered. "Maybe take a cold shower or something. It doesn't happen that often anyway."
"Shinji . . . " she began. She joined him on the bed. "Do you think that makes me happy? Do you think I want you to suffer like that? Particularly after today?"
He shook his head. "No."
"What you did back then was pretty rotten," she said, her voice like honey, "but you've apologized for it, and I've accepted it. I don't want you to punish yourself like this."
"Thanks," he mumbled, shrugging, "but it doesn't matter. It's not like I'm just denying myself or something, I just can't do it. The very thought of it disgusts me. I said in the pool that I was broken, just like you are. This is one of the ways that's true."
She stared at him, frowning. She chewed her lip for a moment, then nodded in decision. "I see," she said. "Then if that's so, I guess I'll have to help you out."

Shinji jerked his head around to face her, his eyes as wide as saucers. "Asuka . . . you . . . "
"'If it feels right, we'll do it,'" she said, quoting his words from earlier. "That's what you said, right?" she asked, smiling at his confusion. "Well, it feels right. So I'm gonna help you out." She grabbed his shorts. "If you don't want me to, now's the time to say so."
"I . . . I . . . I . . ." he stammered.
She smirked. "That's what I thought," she said, tugging off his shorts. She took him in her hand, stroking him gently. "I don't think I can manage sex tonight," she mumbled, "But I can still take care of you." She pushed him toward the wall. "Back up against the wall," she said gently. "I want you to be able to see me."
He scurried up toward the head of the bed, propping the pillows behind him so he was comfortable. When he was settled she glided between his legs, taking him in hand again. "I can't promise this will be world class," she muttered, "since I've never done this before. But I'm not an idiot! After our last time . . . well, let's just say I did some research and leave it at that." She shot him a stern glare. "Be sure to tell me if I do anything you don't like!" she ordered. "I don't want to hurt you, you know."
He nodded. "Okay," he said.
She stroked him a few times, then bent down and took him in her mouth. She experimented, using her fist and mouth in different combinations, listening carefully to see what he liked and what he didn't. As for Shinji, he was in heaven; every time he looked down he saw the mass of her hair covering his lap, and her gorgeous backside hunched over her knees as she worked. It was a glorious sight, and watching it made him reach his peak quickly.
As his orgasm approached he pushed at Asuka's shoulders. "Asuka," he moaned, "I'm gonna--"
But rather than pull away from him she instead pushed forward, taking him all the way down her throat as he came. He tangled his fingers in her hair and held her head, howling in ecstasy as she drank him dry. When it was over he went limp, breathing heavily, a beatific smile on his face.
Asuka released him, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand as she sat back and surveyed the results of her handiwork. "That wasn't as bad as I thought it would be," she murmured. "Hikari made it sound like it would be awful. Maybe you just taste good or something."
Shinji shook his head in wonder. "I thought girls hated doing that," he said.
She shrugged. "Don't be stupid," she spat. "I'm Asuka Langley Soryu. If I'm gonna do something, I'm gonna be the best at it." She flushed. "Even if it is just a stupid blowjob."
Shinji chuckled at that. Then he leaned forward and grabbed her shoulders, pulling her close for a kiss.
"Hey--" she protested, but it was too late -- his mouth had covered hers, and he was kissing her more passionately than at any point in recent memory. She pushed him away. "Shinji, what's--"
"Please, Asuka," he begged. "You have to let me make you feel like that. You just have to."
She crossed her arms, kneeling on the bed. "Now look," she said huffily, "I think I've been very nice to you tonight. You shouldn't--"
"You have," he said, nodding eagerly. "You've been very nice. I'm so grateful! And that's why I want to return the favor. I want you to feel the way I feel now. Please."
"Well . . . " She looked at him, at the earnestness in his face, and found she couldn't deny him. She coughed. "Well, it's not like I'm not a little excited anyway. But I don't want your mouth down there!" she warned, holding up a finger. "That's disgusting. And be careful with your tongue! You know I'm touchy about that!"
Shinji nodded. "I'll be careful, I promise."
She shrugged, moving beside him. "Yeah, well, we'll see." She paused, then brought her hand to the zipper of her suit's top. "I suppose you want this off?" she asked.
He nodded. "It would help," he said mildly.
"Tch." She unzipped the top, tossing it to the side. "Jesus, Third, you're so greedy. I give you an inch and you take a mile. That's so typical."
"I can't help it," he said, reaching over her to cup a breast. "You're so beautiful like this, and when you're nice on top of it I just gotta do anything I can to make you happy."
She flushed. "That's so corny," she mumbled
"I like corny," he whispered, nuzzling her neck. He nibbled on her ear next, then kissed her deeply, flicking her nipple with his thumb as he did so. She moaned into his mouth, sucking on his tongue as pleasure washed over her. They continued in that vein for awhile, until he moved down to face her breasts directly. "Can I . . . ?" he asked.
She colored again. "Oh, do whatever you want!" she said, exasperated.
With a satisfied grin he did as she bade, taking a nipple in his mouth and sucking gently. He tugged it with his teeth and flicked it lightly with his tongue, just enough to excite her without stirring unpleasant memories. He gave her other nipple the same treatment, then went back to the first, alternating back and forth for several minutes. After some time he began kissing his way down her belly, stopping when he got to the bottom of her suit. He looked up at her. She was flushed, breathless, and heartachingly beautiful. "Asuka?" he asked.
She looked down at him. She didn't even bother to reply, just lifted her hips and shucked the bikini herself. "Remember," she admonished, "watch the tongue."
He nodded. He stroked her legs gently, moving slowly toward her center. She was breathing heavily, relaxed, and excited. She seemed happy, or at least a lot better than the last time they tried something like this. He tentatively put a hand on her; she gasped, but didn't stop him. She was very slick. He began to rub her, exploring, and she cried out when he pinched the nub at the top of her slit. He returned to her breasts as he played with her, and then finally to her mouth, rubbing her more and more roughly as he kissed her deeply. She wrapped one hand around his neck and held him to her, using her other to grab the hand that was fingering her. When he slipped a finger into her she went wild, her nails digging into his neck as her body convulsed. She pushed his hand away from her, wrapping both arms around his neck in a silent demand to be held while she rode the wave of her orgasm. He complied, her body twitching for close to a minute after she peaked.
"Oh God," she said, pushing him gently off of her. "I've never felt anything like that before. I didn't even know it was possible to feel like that. No wonder everyone's so keen on this sex stuff."
"You've never . . . wait, really?" Shinji asked, astounded.
"Nope," she said, shaking her head.
"Never?" he insisted.
She scowled at him. "What did I just say?"
"But you . . . " He stammered. "You were in such a hurry to grow up . . . and Kaji! You wanted to be with him . . . and then the past few years . . . I know you've been frustrated at times, I've seen it! And . . . "
She smiled at his confusion. "I was in a hurry to be treated as an adult, but the thought of actually being an adult disgusted me. To me, sex was something shitty people did to hurt others, because that's how my father and stepmother used it. And then Kaji rejected me, I felt like Misato betrayed me with him, and then there was the trauma of piloting, and you . . . " She shrugged. "Is it any wonder I'm a neurotic mess who just didn't want to deal with it?"
"But you just told me . . . !" he protested.
She shrugged again. "You were already doing it, so I didn't want you to deny yourself. I just never started. It's not the same thing."
Shinji gave her an odd look, unimpressed with her logic.
She scowled at him. "Look, do you wanna argue about this, or do you wanna deal with your little friend there?"
"Huh?" Shinji looked down, noticing with a blush that he was aroused again. "Oh," he said, laughing nervously. He looked at her mouth, licking his lips as he did so. "So, then . . . "
She scoffed. "No, I'm not giving you another blowjob. I'm not that nice."
Shinji blinked in confusion. "Then how . . . ?" he asked.
She spread her legs slightly and held out her arms. "C'mere," she said.
Shinji's jaw dropped. "Asuka . . . " he breathed. "Are you . . . are you sure?"
Her brows knit. "Hurry up, Third Child," she growled, "before I lose my nerve!"
Shinji hesitated a moment more, then moved over her. She put her hands on his shoulders while he positioned himself between her legs. "I don't want to hurt you," he said.
"You won't," she muttered. "I'm feeling pretty relaxed now, not uptight like last time. I'll tell you if it hurts." She took hold of him, guiding him to her entrance.  Shinji held back, wary of hurting her, but she was impatient. She thrust her hips up to meet his, forcing him inside of her. She hissed in pain, holding him still, but gradually relaxed as the pain gave way to pleasure.
Shinji gasped as she moved. She was very tight, but also very wet, so he sank into her easily. "Oh my God," he breathed. "I thought your mouth was heaven, but this . . . oh my God." He looked down at her. "Are you alright?" he whispered.
She nodded. "Yeah," she said. She wrapped her arms and legs around him, holding him tightly. "I'm okay," she said. "Hurry up and fuck me."
Shinji blushed at her language, but complied. He withdrew from her slowly, then thrust back into her, very carefully. She growled in annoyance. "Faster," she ordered. Shinji did as she asked, picking up the pace. A moment of inspiration prompted him to work a hand between them, rubbing at the little nub of flesh between her legs that had so excited her before. "Oh my God!" she screamed, tightening her grip on him like a vice. "Oh fuck, keep doing that, keep doing that! Don't stop!"
It wasn't long until she reached her peak. She screamed and bit his neck as she came, her orgasm much stronger than her previous one. Shinji thrust into her at a frenzied pace, her bite and her cries driving him insane. He came soon after she did, and with a shout he emptied himself into her.
Afterwards, she refused to let him go. When he tried to get off of her she tightened her grip and said, "Don't move."
He frowned. "But I'll crush you," he said.
"I don't care," she replied. "Don't move."
With a sigh he relented, holding her tightly until she dozed off. When she did he shifted to one side, keeping an arm around her as he followed her in slumber.