March 12, 2016

Asuka awoke with a shout, clawing at her face as she fought to escape the dream's crushing grip. She was in the main living area of their apartment, with Shinji's futon right beside hers. She wrapped her arms around herself and doubled over, trying to calm herself.
Shinji watched her, weary and sympathetic. When she'd calmed a bit he asked, "That was the really bad one, wasn't it?"
"Yeah."
Shinji chewed his lip in indecision, then sat up. He slowly reached for her, then lay a hand on her back. He started to rub slowly.
"Don't grab me," she said.
"Sorry." He started to pull his hand away.
"No, it's fine," she said. "What you're doing is fine. Just don't grab me."
"O-okay."
Asuka scowled. "I used to want to be held more than anything, but now the very thought of it sickens me." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "God, I hate this."
"Me too," he said.
"What was yours about?" she asked.
"Misato's blood, and Lilith's eyes," he replied.
"One of your worst ones, huh?"
"Yeah."
Asuka tolerated his touch for a few more minutes, then squirmed a little to shake him off. He pulled his hand back. "What time is it?" she asked.
"It's after nine," he replied. "Would you like some breakfast?"
"I'm not hungry," she said.
Shinji gave her a worried look. "That's what you said yesterday, and you said it again when I asked about dinner. You need to eat, Asuka."
She scowled at him. "I'll eat when I'm hungry."
"That's not enough!" he exclaimed. "You need to keep up your strength--"
"Stop bugging me about it!" she snapped. "It's none of your business, so fuck off."
"It is my business!" he insisted. "What happens if you get sick from malnutrition or something? I don't know how to handle something like that!"
"Stop being such a worrywart," she scoffed. "Nothing like that's gonna happen."
He didn't reply for a bit, but eventually said "I don't want to be alone, Asuka. Please, try to eat something."
Asuka growled in annoyance. "Fine, I'll eat something. Now go away and stop bothering me."
He sighed. "Okay, fine. We need some supplies anyway, so I'll go look around or something."
"Whatever," she mumbled. "Good."
"Are you sure you're alright?" he asked.
She waved a hand in a shooing motion, dismissing him.
He let out a frustrated breath and stood, then grabbed his pack and headed out of the apartment. As he got to the door, she said "Shinji?"
"What is it?" he asked.
"Don't be gone too long, okay?" He recognized the fragile tone in her voice.
"I won't," he said, reassuringly. "I'll be back by early afternoon."
She nodded.
He opened the door and left.

As promised, Shinji returned in the early afternoon. Asuka turned to greet him, then stopped in her tracks when she saw what he was carrying. It was a cello, case and all. "Where the hell did you get that?" she asked.
"I found it in a wrecked music shop near the edge of town. It's in pretty good shape!" he said, proudly running a hand over his prize.
Asuka arched an eyebrow. "So you're saying you stole it, then."
Shinji blinked in confusion. "W-what?"
She smirked. "It doesn't belong to you, and you took it. What else would you call it?"
Shinji took a step back, shaking his head. "W-wait, it wasn't like that! There was no one there, and everything was wrecked --"
"--and the owner can come back at any time, and when he does he'll be down one cello because you took it. That's theft," she said with a shrug.
"I see," he said, crestfallen.
"Why'd you do it, anyway? You never seemed all that passionate about playing the thing."
"I thought you might like it if I played something," he mumbled.
She scoffed. "Oh yeah, right. Like some light music's gonna make everything better, eh?"
He grimaced. "Fine, I'll take it back." He turned toward the door.
"I didn't say you had to do that," she said, her tone dripping with condescencion.
He stopped. He paused a moment, then turned and glared at her. "Why do you have to be so mean all the time? I was trying to do something nice for you!"
Asuka stepped back, panic setting in. "Look, I was just saying--"
"I know what you were saying!" he shouted. "I already said I'm taking it back!"
"You don't--" she began.
"What am I supposed to do, Asuka? Nothing I try works, and you just keep getting mad, and --"
"Stop it!" she cried. "Please, stop."
He stopped.
She took a deep breath. "I shouldn't have said that, okay?" she said. "I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I really wasn't. I just . . . I didn't think it through."
"Whatever," he said, sulking. He turned toward the door again.
She tried again. "Shinji, wait."
He stopped, but didn't turn around. "What is it?"
She licked her lips, choosing her words carefully. "Those things need care, right? I mean, it's bad if you just leave them sitting around, isn't it?"
"Yeah."
"Well, we don't know when the owner's coming back. So what if you kept it here and left a note or something telling him where to find it? That way you'd be helping him out and you're just borrowing it."
He shrugged. "What's the point? I don't feel like playing anymore, and you don't want to hear it anyway."
"Shinji--"
"I'll be back later." He left without another word.
"Shit!" There were tears in her eyes when Asuka caught sight of herself in the mirror. "You stupid bitch," she spat. "Why do you keep doing that? What the hell is wrong with you?"

When Shinji got back Asuka was in the living room. Her eyes were red and she looked agitated.
"Are you still mad?" she asked.
He shook his head tiredly. "Not really. I just wanna get some sleep."
"I really wasn't trying to hurt you," she said, a pleading note in her voice.
"Okay," he said.
"And I'm glad you wanted to do something nice for me." Her voice was earnest.
He gave her a weak smile.
"I'm really trying not to be mean," she went on. "But everything's so fucked up . . . "
"Yeah." He lay down on his futon and closed his eyes.
"I don't know what to do either," she lamented.
"It's fine," he said. "Don't worry about it."
She fretted with her hands. "But it's not fine," she said quietly. "It's not fine at all."
He didn't respond, instead drifting off to sleep.

September 9, 2018

Shinji sat down at his computer and checked his e-mail. He had a message from Touji indicating his friend was psyched about starting up school the following day, and another from Misato with a link to a strange video on a media site involving an anime character making strange noises. It was a shot sequence, looped for over an hour. He frowned in annoyance and deleted it.
His cell phone rang. When he answered his guardian greeted him. "Hiya Shinji," she said, her voice somewhat subdued.
"Why do you keep sending me junk e-mail?" he asked.
"Whaaat?" she complained. "I'll have you know that's some of the finest entertainment on the internet!"
"You have strange taste," he observed.
"Says the kid who plays Bach, eh?" He could hear the smirk in her voice.
"That's . . . that's different!" he protested.
"Heh." Her tone shifted. "Listen Shinji, I've got some bad news."
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"I just heard from Asuka's therapist, Dr. Kotetsu," she said. "He says she started a fight at the facility and checked herself out."
"A fight?" Shinji asked. "Why would she do that?"
"I'm not sure," she replied. "I don't have all the details, and Dr. Kotetsu is being pretty tight-lipped about it. But what's important is the fact that we don't know where she is, and that it sounds like she's very upset."
"Is she alright?" His voice had gone up an octave.
"I don't know, Shinji," she replied. "But if you see her I want you to let me know right away, okay?"
"Sure," he said.
"And be careful," she went on. "She hasn't exactly been communicative lately, so I have no idea what's going through her head right now. You haven't heard from her, have you?"
"Of course not," he spat bitterly. "I write her every week, and can count her replies on one hand."
"I know," she said, sympathetic. "Just remember, Asuka's not exactly shy. If she didn't want to hear from you she'd tell you to quit bothering her."
"That's what you always say," he muttered.
"Because it's true!" The cheer in her voice almost sounded genuine. "But anyway," she went on, "I gotta get to work on finding her. Let me know if you hear anything."
"I will." Shinji hung up, then got ready to face the day.

Asuka knocked on his door about a half hour after Misato's call. Shinji answered, and found her dressed in proffessional attire: a blouse, skirt, and jacket. She had circles under her eyes and seemed somewhat harried, but nonetheless gave him a weak smile when she saw him. "Hey, stupid Shinji," she said. "Mind if I come in?"
Shinji just stared, eyes wide. "Uh, s-sure, Asuka. Please come in."
"Thanks," she said.
Shinji pulled out his phone. "I need to call Misato," he said. "She's looking for you." He started to dial, but she lay her hand over his to stop him.
"Don't," she asked. "This is our business, not hers."
Shinji looked at her, confused. Her tone was very strange. "O-okay, I guess."
She smiled at him. "Let's sit down somewhere."
"S-sure." Shinji led them to his living room, where they sat near the wall.
"What's this about, Asuka? Misato said something about a fight. And why did you leave the hospital? Wasn't it your idea to go there?"
Her face darkened, but she closed her eyes and calmed herself. "That doesn't matter. Don't worry about it."
He nodded. "Well then . . . what did you want to talk about?"
She leaned against the wall, thinking. "There were a lot of things you did before Third Impact that pissed me off. And some of them were really, really bad. You know what I'm talking about." She gave him a pointed stare, and he squirmed. "I hated you for what you did to me then, and I never forgave you for it. And I don't think I ever will."
She was silent for a bit, and her brow furrowed, as though she was trying to remember what came next.
"But after Third Impact, when we were alone, things changed." She rubbed the scar on her wrist absently. "You were paying attention then, and you were trying to help me, and you didn't give up. Even if it was just because of guilt or whatever, you still helped me out. And that was a good thing. Do you get that? It's important that you understand that."
He nodded. "Okay, I guess."
She leaned forward, her expression severe. "No, not 'I guess'. Do you get it or not?"
He held his hands up defensively. "I get it. It . . . it was a good thing."
She backed off. "That's right. And I'm grateful for that." She sounded very tired.
"Okay." Shinji shifted uncomfortably.
"Also, Nagisa was right. You're a good person, and you deserve to live a happy life. What happened after, with Third Impact -- that was Nerv. It was all about them and their shitty goals, all of it. None of it was your fault. I really, really want you to understand that."
Shinji was reeling now. "Asuka, this is . . . this isn't like you. What's going on? Why are you saying all of this?"
"Don't worry about it. I just wanted to make sure you understood all of that." She stood up. "Look, I gotta get going." She headed for the door. Halfway there, she turned around. "Oh, one more thing: I don't hate you anymore. I just . . . I didn't understand you, and didn't know how to deal with you." She gave him another weak smile. "Maybe in another life, one without Nerv, we could have been friends. Imagine that, huh?"
"Asuka, I don't --" he began.
"It's fine, Shinji.  Take care of yourself, okay?" She headed for the door.
Shinji followed after her, starting to panic. "Asuka," he said.
She turned, irritated. "What?"
He licked his lips, mind racing. What should he say? "I really wish we could have been friends. More than anything."
She stared at him. For a moment her lip quivered, before her composure broke completely. She closed her eyes, then opened them and sucked in a deep, centering breath. "Sorry, Shin," she said. Her voice was barely above a whisper. "It's not getting any better. Night after night after night, the same thing. I can't take it anymore. I just can't."
Shinji was frantic now. "We should talk to Misato. I'm sure she'll be able to help --"
She gave him a small smile, shook her head, then coughed. "Can I get a glass of orange juice?" she asked. "I'm really thirsty for some reason."
"Huh? Sure." He headed into the kitchen, desperately trying to think of something he could say to stop her. He was reaching for the orange juice when he realized his mistake. He headed back toward the front door . . .
. . . but of course she was long gone.

"Do we have any GPS information on her?" Misato asked.
"No ma'am," Hyuga replied. "She shut her phone off before she left and we found the secondary tracker in a garbage bin outside the train station."
"God damn it. That girl is far too clever for her own good." Misato sighed, rubbing her forehead wearily. "Alright, finding her is top priority. Get all available personnel involved in the search. She's a red-headed American in Japan, she can't be that hard to find."
"Yes ma'am."
Misato's phone rang. When she answered she heard a frantic voice on the other end. "Whoa, Shinji, slow down! I can't make out what you're saying!" She listended for a bit. "What? Why didn't you call me?" She frowned. "No, that's not your fault. She can be very persuasive like that." She sighed. "Don't worry, Shinji. We'll find her. Just sit tight and leave it to us, okay? Yes, I'm sure she's fine. We'll do our best, I promise." She nodded. "Okay, bye."
She hung up. "Shit."

She was trying to calm a frantic Shinji when she got the call. "Shinji, I promise we'll find her, alright? Calm down!"
"But she was acting really strange, Misato! She was telling me I was a good person, and that Third Impact wasn't my fault, and that she was grateful for what I did for her . . . she was being nice, Misato! It just isn't like her."
Misato smirked. "All of those things are true, you know."
He frowned at her. "That's not the point."
"I know, I know. Trust me, Shinji, I have all of my people working on it. We'll find her."
That's when her phone rang. She picked up, talked for a few seconds, hung up. She flashed Shinji a weak smile. "She turned on her phone, Shinji. We've got her."

Asuka's cell phone signal led Misato to a dumpy hotel in a bad part of town. It didn't take long to find the girl's room. She knocked on the door, once, twice, three times. No answer. She tried the handle and it opened. Asuka was there, naked, sitting with her back to the wall, her head resting on folded arms. Misato entered, clearing the room and the adjoining bathroom. There was a razor blade on the desk by the door, which she pocketed immediately, and she found the girl's clothes in the latter room, neatly folded. 
She knelt by the naked girl before her. "Asuka?" she asked.
Asuka raised her head. Her eyes were dull and listless, full of pain and misery. She met Misato's gaze, but didn't say anything.
"Are you alright?" she asked.
Asuka shook her head slowly, then leaned back against the wall. She closed her eyes again.
Misato looked in the closet for a blanket and wrapped it around the girl. "I'm going to take you out of here, alright? We'll go to my place for now. We can sort everything out in the morning."
Asuka nodded and stood. As she did, Misato caught sight of bruises on the girl's breast and thigh, as well as one knee. She opened her mouth to ask about them, then thought better of it. Asuka headed into the bathroom to change. When she was finished Misato wrapped an arm around the girl's shoulders and walked her back to her car. They didn't speak on the ride back to the apartment complex.

When they knocked on his door Shinji opened it almost immediately. "Asuka!" he said, panic and relief evident in his voice. She didn't reply. He frowned, thinking. "Are you hungry? It's pretty late, but I can make some soup or something really quick if you like."
"That's a good idea, Shinji," Misato said. She turned to Asuka. "When did you last eat anything, anyway?"
Asuka thought for a moment, then said, "I don't remember. A couple of days ago, I think."
Shinji and Misato shared a look, then quickly ushered Asuka into the kitchen. Shinji began making some udon noodles and threw a mix of leftover chicken, rice, and onions into the microwave to heat. Misato and Asuka sat at the table, the latter laying her head on her arms.
"This will be ready in a few minutes, Asuka," Shinji said. "Then you can head over to Misato's place and --"
"I'm staying here tonight," the girl said, interrupting him.
Misato gave Shinji a look. "Um, Asuka, I'm not sure that's such a hot idea."
"I don't care," she said flatly.
"Well . . . " She looked at Shinji. "Is that alright with you?"
He nodded. "Sure."
"Don't worry," Asuka spat. "I won't break your precious Shinji or anything."
"That's not my concern, Asuka," Misato said, taken aback.
Asuka shrugged.
"Well, if that's the way you feel," Misato replied, her tone subdued. "I guess I'll head home, then. Take good care of her, Shinji."
"I will," the boy said.
Misato cast one more look at the girl in front of her, then took her leave.
Once she'd left Shinji said "That wasn't very nice, Asuka."
Asuka shrugged wearily. "I don't care."
"You should care. She was really worried about you."
She sat up, rubbing her face with her hands. "Yeah, right. She only cares about the fact that I caused her a bunch of trouble."
He frowned. "That's really not true, Asuka."
"Whatever."
He didn't press the point, instead opting to finish making the meal in silence. He scooped the noodles onto a plate and added the chicken mix when it was finished heating, then placed the dish in front of Asuka. "Thanks for the food," she said. She took a bite, realized she was terribly hungry, and started eating ravenously. "This is good," she said.
He gave her a weak smile. "Thanks."
She didn't say anything more, opting instead to focus on the meal in front of her.

"Asuka, are you awake?" They were in Shinji's room, her in his futon and him on a tatami mat.
She nodded. "Yeah."
"Can I ask you something?"
She made an irritated noise. "I told you I didn't want to talk about it."
"Not that. Something else."
"What is it?" she asked. She sounded irritated.
"Why did you go to Kyoto?" She didn't respond. "Sorry, I guess I shouldn't have--"
"To get away from you," she said.
"Huh?" he asked, startled.
"I went to get away from you," she repeated.
"Oh," he said, hurt. "I see."
"No, you don't see. I didn't go because I hated you, I just . . . " she sighed.
"it's okay," he said, "you don't have to explain."
"Shut up for a minute. Look, after Third Impact . . . you reminded me of everything terrible that happened to me. None of it was your fault, but I still remembered it every time I looked at you. And I hated that. And then I started taking it out on you, becoming a completely irrational bitch about it, and I hated that too. I hated the person I was becoming, and I wanted it to stop. So I left."
"Did it help?" he asked.
She frowned. "It seemed to, at first. But I was all alone. The doctors didn't understand anything, and the patients were even worse. I couldn't relate to any of them. And that gave me time to think about it, and it just got worse and worse and worse."
"But then why come back?" he asked. "I mean, if I was the reason you left--"
"I wasn't gonna be here for long, Shinji," she said wryly.
"I know that," he said. "It's just that . . . I mean, I don't know what to do. I want to help you, but if I'm just going to upset you and cause problems --"
"You think too much," she said with a smirk.
He blinked. "What? I thought I was stupid."
"You are stupid," she said sagely. "You're stupid and you think too much."
"That doesn't make any sense," he protested.
She laughed. "See? What did I just say?"
He groaned, and she laughed again.
"Did you really mean it when you said you wanted to be my friend?" she asked.
He nodded. "Of course."
"That'd be nice. We should give that a try sometime." She yawned sleepily.
He nodded. "Sure."
"Maybe someday . . . " she said, and drifted off to sleep.

January 28, 2016

Her scream woke him. It was followed by a painful sob and erratic breathing. He hurried to her door but could only stand there, indecisive. She screamed again, this time a deliberate howl of rage and frustration. Before long she looked up, saw him. "What do you want?" she rasped.
Shinji hesitated, then clenched his fist in decision. He stepped forward, hand outstretched, as if to embrace her. She slapped it away with a snarl. She glared at him, rage and hatred in her eyes, but said nothing.
Shinji held his hand gingerly and stared at her in confusion. "I won't run away," he told her. "I don't . . . I don't know what to do, but I won't leave."
She scoffed at him, shaking her head in disgust and looking away.
Shinji fidgeted uncomfortably. "I found a rice cooker yesterday," he said. "I made some rice balls last night, they're pretty good. I'll get you one if you like."
She didn't say anything. She was massaging her forehead, trying to banish the nightmare from her mind.
"Asuka--" he started.
"Fine," she interrupted. "That's fine. Whatever."
He nodded and scurried off. She gave a bitter, defeated laugh and buried her head in her hands.

Asuka woke in the middle of the night, the urge in her bladder pushing her out of bed. He was on the balcony as she passed, sitting on the bench, trembling. She sneered at him and continued on her way. When she was finished in the bathroom she headed back to her room. She looked at him again as she passed. It was curious; he never broke down like this when he was around her. She shook her head and passed the balcony, then stopped. She was very angry for some reason. After a moment she clenched her fist in frustration, then slammed it against the wall.
She opened the door and stepped onto the balcony. He didn't seem to notice; he just kept on sniffling.
She wasn't sure what she should say or do, but his weakness disgusted her. Ultimately, she opted for the direct approach. She grabbed his shoulder, startling him, and squeezed painfully, digging her fingernails into his skin with all of her might. "Let me remind you of something, idiot," she sneered. "You owe me. That angel defiled me, the commander threw me away, Misato abandoned me, and those fucking Evas . . . " she laughed shortly. "All of that, and you didn't do a thing to help. Not one goddamn thing."
"I'm sorry--" he began.
She squeezed harder, and he yelped. "I don't want your fucking apologies, Third Child. 'I'm sorry' doesn't do me a bit of good, y'know? It's useless. Instead, I want someone I can rely on. Someone who can help me out. And there's no one else here, so that someone is you, get it?" He nodded, trying not to whimper. "So get your shit together, or I swear to god I'll make you regret it."
He winced as she tightened her grip. "Okay!" he said. "Asuka, you're hurting me!"
She slackened her hold on him. He took several deep breaths, trying to reign in his emotions, and she was patient. She held him firmly, but the hateful malice that had possessed her had retreated for the moment. Gradually, he got his emotions under control. As his breathing evened out she released her hold on his shoulder and sat beside him, facing in the opposite direction. Neither of them said anything.
They stayed like that for a long time.
Presently, she stood. She made to head inside, but hesitated. "Sorry, stupid Shinji," she said. "I know it isn't much, but this is the best I can do right now."
He turned toward her. "I know," he said. He wiped his eyes and tried to smile, but didn't quite make it. "It's fine," he went on. "I'm better now."
"Fine," she said. She spared him a sidelong glance, then chewed her lip for a moment, agitated. Then she continued on inside, returning to her room.

May 23, 2020

"Look," she said, "all I'm saying is, if it's so damn important you should do something about it."
"I know that," he replied. "It's just . . . "
"Just what?" she asked.
"It's hard!" He finished putting his textbooks into his bag and headed toward the kitchen.
"Well gee, I never thought about that!" she quipped, a mocking sneer on her face. "What would make it easier, then? I could go to sleep, would that help? Or hey," she went on, turning around with a smirk, "maybe you just prefer boys after all, eh?"
Her smile died as soon as she saw the look on his face. Shit. "Shinji, I didn't-"
"I gotta get to class," he mumbled. "Lock up when you leave." And without another word he was gone.
"Shit."

He was studying in his room when she got back that night. She stopped at the threshold, gauging his reaction. He spared her a glance, said nothing. But he drew up his legs, making room for her at the foot of the bed. She entered, a bit too quickly, and sat down, back to the wall.
"How was seminar?" he asked.
"Fine, I guess," she replied. "Boring."
"No drama today?" he asked.
She stuck out her tongue. "No, thank you very much." After a bit of reflection she added "I really do hate that Kagome bitch, though."
He frowned. "She isn't that bad, is she?"
She shrugged. "She just acts like it's so damn easy. Always talking about her stupid boyfriend, always going on about the shit they do together, always asking oh-so-sweetly 'So how are you and Shinji doing, Asuka?' She just doesn't get it." She rubbed her forehead with one hand. "Hell, even Hikari doesn't get it."
He looked up at that. "Really? I always thought she was really supportive."
She shook her head. "It's not that," she explained. "She just doesn't understand things like synchronization or angel contamination, it doesn't make sense to her." She grimaced. "That idiot Suzuhara understands those things better than she ever will." She sighed, gently knocking her head against the wall. "And I never really explained things about Kotetsu."
He frowned. "Why not?"
She shrugged again. "I dunno. Maybe I just wanted to put it behind me. I'd already had to explain it a bunch of times, and by the time I reconnected with Hikari I just didn't wanna deal with it anymore. And besides, she's Japanese. This culture -- people just don't want to talk about things like that. If I brought it  up I'd just be the gaijin girl thoughtlessly burdening others with her problems, and I really don't need that right now. It sucks, but that's just the way it is."
He blinked. "That never stopped you with me or Misato."
"You're different," she noted. "You two are family. She's not."
"I see," he replied. "I guess that's true; Hikari is very traditional in a lot of ways. But even so . . . "
She shook her head. "It doesn't matter."
He said nothing for a while. Then, "you can stay here tonight, if you like."
She gave him a light smile. "Thanks." She yawned, then stood and crossed the room to his dresser, pulling out a t-shirt and underwear. "I'm gonna take a shower, then."
"Okay," he said.
She left, heading for the bathroom. When she finished, she put her dirty clothes in the hamper and returned to his room. The light was out, moonlight illuminatiing the room, and he was in bed, facing the wall. She crawled into bed beside him. "Shinji?"
"What is it?" he asked.
"I'm sorry about this morning."
He  paused. "It's fine."
Her brow wrinkled at the tone of his voice. "Shinji." Her voice was insistent.
"What?" he asked.
She didn't reply. "Shinji." When he didn't respond she grabbed his shoulder, tugging lightly. "Hey, Shinji!"
He turned over, irritated. "What do you want?" His ire faded when he saw the look in her eyes. It was soft, and fragile somehow. Her eyes were a very deep shade of blue. He took her hand, and gave her a warm smile, a genuine smile. "It's fine," he said. "Really."
She didn't reply, just released a breath and closed her eyes. Sleep followed shortly thereafter.

When she awoke she found she had turned over, and that his arm was around her midsection. She scowled in irritation. She got up, careful not to wake him, and headed for the bathroom. When she returned she spared him a glance, then began gathering her clothes and her bag.
"Where are you going?" he asked.
She looked up, startled. "I have a lot of reading to do for seminar Monday, so I should get some sleep."
"You can stay if you want," he said.
"No, I should really--" she began.
"I want you to stay," he said, his voice full of certainty.
She stopped, giving him a long, hard look. "Alright," she said.
He moved back, making room for her in the bed, and she crawled in beside him. She squeaked a bit when he reached for her, pulling her to him. "H-hey," she asked, "what are you doing?"
He flushed, unsure of himself. "It's not like I don't want to, you know."
She rested her hands on his chest. Both of them were tense. "I know," she said.
He stuck out his chin a bit. "And I don't like boys."
She laughed nervously. "Hey, I already apologized for that."
"I know," he said. "I just wanted to be clear."
She nodded. "Okay."
"Why did you say that, anyway?" he asked. "It's not like you don't know what's going on. And it's not . . . it's not just me, either."
She fidgeted a bit. "I know that," she said. "I guess I just . . . wanted you to fix it, somehow."
He chewed his lip. "I don't know how to do that," he mumbled.
"Idiot. That's because it can't be fixed."
He frowned. "Then what are we supposed to do?"
She shrugged. "Deal with it, I guess. Work through it. Keep trying."
"That sucks," he said.
"Yeah. It does." She turned her head, glaring at him. "You better not run away."
He shook his head. "I won't run away. Not running away is the only thing I'm good at." He paused. "Guess I really am an idiot, aren't I?"
She smirked, but didn't disagree.

"We should do it next Saturday," she observed.
"Huh?" he asked.
They were in the kitchen. Asuka was making breakfast, omelets, when she made her pronouncement out of the blue. "Sex," she answered.
Shinji frowned. "I thought we resolved all of that."
She scoffed at him. "We've resolved that we want to do it, and that we have issues that keep getting in the way, and that nobody gets why it's so hard for us. But we need to stop worrying about all of that and actually do it."
"Asuka . . . " he said.
She glared at him. "What?"
He fidgeted. "I'm really afraid of hurting you. What if--"
"I don't care," she said. "I'm tired of waiting."
"Dr. Okada said there was no rush," he observed. "He said we had all the time in the world, that--"
"He also said that we needed to push ourselves if we wanted to make any progress," she interrupted. "It's been four and a half years, Shinji. We've waited long enough. It would be different if we were unsure, but we aren't, are we?"
"No," he said.
She nodded. "Alright then. Saturday."
He scowled. "You make it sound so simple."
"It's not," she agreed. "But we're adults now, Shinji. It's time we start acting like it."
"Having sex doesn't make people adults," he mumbled.
"No, it doesn't" she agreed. "You're right. But dealing with problems instead of worrying about them does. That's what we're doing here. If it hurts it hurts, but we have to try."
He didn't say anything in reply, opting instead to brood.
She shot him an irritated look. "This is the part where you man up and tell me I'm right, that this is a good thing, and that you're looking forward to it."
He fidgeted uncomfortably. "The only thing I'm sure of about all of this is that I'm not sure of anything." He gave her a weak smile. "It is kind of exciting, though."
"Heh. Close enough." She put the omelets on plates and put one in front of Shinji.
He frowned, then scratched his head. "Okay, I guess that's it then. Saturday."
She nodded.
"Say, Asuka?" he asked.
She looked at him. "What is it?"
He licked his lips. "This means you won't be able to call me a pervert anymore, doesn't it?"
She scoffed. "In your dreams. You'll always be a pervert, stupid Shinji. As of Saturday you'll just be a very lucky pervert."
He groaned in defeat. She just laughed at him and took a bite of her omelet.