Ghosts of Evangelion - a post-EoE fic by Bagheera

[Bagheera]

This story was copied here from the EvaGeeks forum on 27 June 2017 in order to provide a backup archive and a place where further chapters can be added and discussed.  Note, the dates in the links are the in-story dates of each chapter. 

The original of this page was posted on 25 May 2014.  You can go there to read the original discussion of the work as it grew.


Recently, I (pwhodges) went to town and made a PDF of "Ghosts"; I also fixed a few typos and the like on the way, and it includes the illustrations made by Shadowjack of RPG.net in his review of the first section.  Bagheera has approved it.  It's much easier than reading in the forum format, and even has a clickable index:

Ghosts of Evangelion (PDF)

And here is the whole work in chronological order for those who prefer; this is not the canonical version, though:

Ghosts of Evangelion (PDF in chronological order)


Okay. I'm posting it now so I don't try to weasel out of it later. Ghosts of Evangelion is a go. If you know what that means you're the target audience. If you don't, stay tuned. This is where I show you how to climb the mountain.

Get hype, peeps. Bagheera's getting off his sorry ass and writing.

Edit: I am revising as I go. Once a chapter is entered into the Table of Contents here, it can be considered to be complete. There are many more chapters awaiting revision, and many more still yet to be written. This is gonna take awhile . . .

Table of Contents

May 23, 2020
September 10, 2018 & October 10, 2018
January 28, 2016
February 3, 2016
September 9, 2018
October 7, 2018
March 12, 2016
September 16, 2018
March 14, 2016
June 1, 2020
October 13, 2019
September 14, 2018
August 26, 2016
September 12, 2018
April 6, 2021
April 9, 2021
December 7, 2018
August 12, 2016
August 11, 2016
January 14, 2016
March 6, 2021
July 23, 2021
August 14, 2021
August 15, 2021
August 21, 2021
August 22, 2021 - pt 1
April 20, 2022
March 18, 2022
April 23, 2022 - pt 1
April 23, 2022 - pt 2
June 22, 2024
June 24, 2024
March 14, 2021
August 22, 2021 - pt 2
June 26, 2024
April 3, 2021
July 3, 2024
June 29, 2024
September 13, 2030
August 23, 2021
September 20, 2030
December 4, 2018
August 11, 2024
August 13, 2024
March 23, 2027
June 4, 2035
November 23, 2018
September 19, 2018

June 3, 2026
February 20, 2047

December 16 & 19, 2080
December 20, 2080


A Mother's Love
(A side story written before the main story was finished. The new character introduced in this side story appears near the end of the main story.)

June 24, 2032
March 27, 2027
November 21, 2031 - pt 1
June 25, 2032 - pt 1
March 30, 2027
November 21, 2031 - pt 2
November 21, 2031 - pt 3
June 25, 2032 - pt 2
July 17, 2032
July 25, 2032
July 21, 2032
April 7, 2040
August 12, 2046
August 13, 2046
July 7, 8 & 9, 2046

[Bagheera]

Okay, here we go. Spoilered for space reasons. Just to be clear, this is fanfiction, and it's terrible, and it's short, 'cause that's how I roll. You will not see a lot of action here, because I don't give a shit about that and the show's already addressed it. This is what happens after. Don't read it if that's not what you're looking for in an Eva story.

May 23, 2020

(click to show/hide)

May 23, 2020

"Look," she said, "all I'm saying is, if it's so damn important you should do something about it."
"I know that," he replied. "It's just . . . "
"Just what?" she asked.
"It's hard!" He finished putting his textbooks into his bag and headed toward the kitchen.
"Well gee, I never thought about that!" she quipped, a mocking sneer on her face. "What would make it easier, then? I could go to sleep, would that help? Or hey," she went on, turning around with a smirk, "maybe you just prefer boys after all, eh?"
Her smile died as soon as she saw the look on his face. Shit. "Shinji, I didn't-"
"I gotta get to class," he mumbled. "Lock up when you leave." And without another word he was gone.
"Shit."

He was studying in his room when she got back that night. She stopped at the threshold, gauging his reaction. He spared her a glance, said nothing. But he drew up his legs, making room for her at the foot of the bed. She entered, a bit too quickly, and sat down, back to the wall.
"How was seminar?" he asked.
"Fine, I guess," she replied. "Boring."
"No drama today?" he asked.
She stuck out her tongue. "No, thank you very much." After a bit of reflection she added "I really do hate that Kagome bitch, though."
He frowned. "She isn't that bad, is she?"
She shrugged. "She just acts like it's so damn easy. Always talking about her stupid boyfriend, always going on about the shit they do together, always asking oh-so-sweetly 'So how are you and Shinji doing, Asuka?' She just doesn't get it." She rubbed her forehead with one hand. "Hell, even Hikari doesn't get it."
He looked up at that. "Really? I always thought she was really supportive."
She shook her head. "It's not that," she explained. "She just doesn't understand things like synchronization or angel contamination, it doesn't make sense to her." She grimaced. "That idiot Suzuhara understands those things better than she ever will." She sighed, gently knocking her head against the wall. "And I never really explained things about Kotetsu."
He frowned. "Why not?"
She shrugged again. "I dunno. Maybe I just wanted to put it behind me. I'd already had to explain it a bunch of times, and by the time I reconnected with Hikari I just didn't wanna deal with it anymore. And besides, she's Japanese. This culture -- people just don't want to talk about things like that. If I brought it  up I'd just be the gaijin girl thoughtlessly burdening others with her problems, and I really don't need that right now. It sucks, but that's just the way it is."
He blinked. "That never stopped you with me or Misato."
"You're different," she noted. "You two are family. She's not."
"I see," he replied. "I guess that's true; Hikari is very traditional in a lot of ways. But even so . . . "
She shook her head. "It doesn't matter."
He said nothing for a while. Then, "you can stay here tonight, if you like."
She gave him a light smile. "Thanks." She yawned, then stood and crossed the room to his dresser, pulling out a t-shirt and underwear. "I'm gonna take a shower, then."
"Okay," he said.
She left, heading for the bathroom. When she finished, she put her dirty clothes in the hamper and returned to his room. The light was out, moonlight illuminatiing the room, and he was in bed, facing the wall. She crawled into bed beside him. "Shinji?"
"What is it?" he asked.
"I'm sorry about this morning."
He  paused. "It's fine."
Her brow wrinkled at the tone of his voice. "Shinji." Her voice was insistent.
"What?" he asked.
She didn't reply. "Shinji." When he didn't respond she grabbed his shoulder, tugging lightly. "Hey, Shinji!"
He turned over, irritated. "What do you want?" His ire faded when he saw the look in her eyes. It was soft, and fragile somehow. Her eyes were a very deep shade of blue. He took her hand, and gave her a warm smile, a genuine smile. "It's fine," he said. "Really."
She didn't reply, just released a breath and closed her eyes. Sleep followed shortly thereafter.

When she awoke she found she had turned over, and that his arm was around her midsection. She scowled in irritation. She got up, careful not to wake him, and headed for the bathroom. When she returned she spared him a glance, then began gathering her clothes and her bag.
"Where are you going?" he asked.
She looked up, startled. "I have a lot of reading to do for seminar Monday, so I should get some sleep."
"You can stay if you want," he said.
"No, I should really--" she began.
"I want you to stay," he said, his voice full of certainty.
She stopped, giving him a long, hard look. "Alright," she said.
He moved back, making room for her in the bed, and she crawled in beside him. She squeaked a bit when he reached for her, pulling her to him. "H-hey," she asked, "what are you doing?"
He flushed, unsure of himself. "It's not like I don't want to, you know."
She rested her hands on his chest. Both of them were tense. "I know," she said.
He stuck out his chin a bit. "And I don't like boys."
She laughed nervously. "Hey, I already apologized for that."
"I know," he said. "I just wanted to be clear."
She nodded. "Okay."
"Why did you say that, anyway?" he asked. "It's not like you don't know what's going on. And it's not . . . it's not just me, either."
She fidgeted a bit. "I know that," she said. "I guess I just . . . wanted you to fix it, somehow."
He chewed his lip. "I don't know how to do that," he mumbled.
"Idiot. That's because it can't be fixed."
He frowned. "Then what are we supposed to do?"
She shrugged. "Deal with it, I guess. Work through it. Keep trying."
"That sucks," he said.
"Yeah. It does." She turned her head, glaring at him. "You better not run away."
He shook his head. "I won't run away. Not running away is the only thing I'm good at." He paused. "Guess I really am an idiot, aren't I?"
She smirked, but didn't disagree.

"We should do it next Saturday," she observed.
"Huh?" he asked.
They were in the kitchen. Asuka was making breakfast, omelets, when she made her pronouncement out of the blue. "Sex," she answered.
Shinji frowned. "I thought we resolved all of that."
She scoffed at him. "We've resolved that we want to do it, and that we have issues that keep getting in the way, and that nobody gets why it's so hard for us. But we need to stop worrying about all of that and actually do it."
"Asuka . . . " he said.
She glared at him. "What?"
He fidgeted. "I'm really afraid of hurting you. What if--"
"I don't care," she said. "I'm tired of waiting."
"Dr. Okada said there was no rush," he observed. "He said we had all the time in the world, that--"
"He also said that we needed to push ourselves if we wanted to make any progress," she interrupted. "It's been four and a half years, Shinji. We've waited long enough. It would be different if we were unsure, but we aren't, are we?"
"No," he said.
She nodded. "Alright then. Saturday."
He scowled. "You make it sound so simple."
"It's not," she agreed. "But we're adults now, Shinji. It's time we start acting like it."
"Having sex doesn't make people adults," he mumbled.
"No, it doesn't" she agreed. "You're right. But dealing with problems instead of worrying about them does. That's what we're doing here. If it hurts it hurts, but we have to try."
He didn't say anything in reply, opting instead to brood.
She shot him an irritated look. "This is the part where you man up and tell me I'm right, that this is a good thing, and that you're looking forward to it."
He fidgeted uncomfortably. "The only thing I'm sure of about all of this is that I'm not sure of anything." He gave her a weak smile. "It is kind of exciting, though."
"Heh. Close enough." She put the omelets on plates and put one in front of Shinji.
He frowned, then scratched his head. "Okay, I guess that's it then. Saturday."
She nodded.
"Say, Asuka?" he asked.
She looked at him. "What is it?"
He licked his lips. "This means you won't be able to call me a pervert anymore, doesn't it?"
She scoffed. "In your dreams. You'll always be a pervert, stupid Shinji. As of Saturday you'll just be a very lucky pervert."
He groaned in defeat. She just laughed at him and took a bite of her omelet.

. . . no, a lemon is not coming next. Here's what you can look forward to now that I'm committed and am actually writing:

Shinji and Asuka, one week post-3I
Asuka's return from Kyoto 2 1/2 years after 3I
Asuka and Misato rebuilding trust, days after the previous scene
Misato's plans for Asuka's future, spinning out of the previous scene
The aftermath of the Saturday referred to in the current chapter
The aftermath of their second try, or why persistence is a virtue
Shinji's first days as an administrator of Herz, the organization built to rebuild the Earth and come up with useful applications of metaphysical biology and evangelion tech in general.

These will not be written in any sort of order or on any sort of schedule. They'll come when they come. If you like 'em, great. If you don't, thanks for reading anyway. Let me know either way.

[Bagheera]

In case I wasn't clear, comments are most welcome. I just realized my previous post might have come off as discouraging that and I wanted to clarify that that wasn't my intent.

Anyway, new chapter. Well, more like a scene with an epilogue attached, but whatever:

September 10, 2018 & October 10 2018

(click to show/hide)

September 10, 2018

Asuka opened the door with a look of absolute boredom. "What do you want?"
Misato gave her a sunny smile. "Morning Asuka!" She looked Asuka up and down, then frowned. "You don't look so good; did you sleep well?"
"I haven't slept well for years."
Misato nodded sympathetically. "Ah. Yes, I suppose that makes sense." She waited a beat. "Um . . . "
Asuka stared at her through narrowed eyes, then relented. "Fine," she said, stepping back. "Come in if you want."
"Thanks!" Misato chirped, crossing the threshold.
"Whatever."
Misato looked around the apartment. "Shinji not here?"
Asuka shrugged. "School, I guess."
Misato nodded. "That's right, summer vacation's over, isn't it? That's just as well, then; you're the one I wanted to talk to anyway."
"Wonderful," the girl drawled.
"We have to figure out what you're going to do now that everything's settled down," Misato noted, leaning against the wall.
Asuka shrugged again, saying nothing.
"Did you want to go back to Kyoto?" Misato asked.
"No," Asuka said, venom in her voice. "Never."
Misato blinked. "Sounds like you feel pretty strongly about that. Dr. Kotetsu reported that you were making great progress --"
Asuka snarled at the mention of the doctor's name. "I'm not going back, Misato."
"Did something happen?" Misato asked.
Asuka didn't respond.
"If it did," Misato went on, "you should talk to me about it."
"Why?" Asuka asked. "It's not like you care anyway. You just want to find a way to get me out of your hair, same as always."
Misato laughed nervously, taken aback. "Now Asuka, that's not really fair --"
Asuka laughed, a short, vicious bark. "Don't talk to me about fair, you bitch! You never wanted to deal with me in Germany, and when I came here you watched me fall to pieces in front of your eyes without doing a damn thing about it."
"Hold on now --" Misato began.
"And then you let the commander hang me out to dry, before you threw me out like garbage when I was no longer useful --"
"Asuka, wait a minute --" Misato protested, holding up a hand.
"--and then when Kaji died you completely forgot about me until I crawled into a hole somewhere to slit my wrists and die! And after Third Impact, when you finally found us, you sent me to another damn city so that fucking piece of shit could . . . " Asuka broke off, shaking with rage. She sucked in a breath of air and shot her guardian a fiery look. "Don't act like you're concerned," she hissed. "I know better."
Misato stared at her, tight-lipped, waiting for her charge's anger to run its course. "Are you finished now?"
"Tch."
"It might surprise you to learn I agree with you." Asuka's eyes narrowed in surprise at the admission. "Everything you said is true. I did a terrible job with the both of you, and there's no excuse for it. Nothing about the circumstances changes what happened to you. It was criminal, and it was wrong, and I'll regret it until the day I die. But even so, you have to think about your situation here: you aren't equipped to live on your own, and neither is Shinji. You both need a lot of help and support, and there aren't exactly a lot of candidates banging on the door for the job. For better or worse I'm the closest thing to family either of you has."
Asuka shook her head, crossing her arms and staring sullenly at the floor.
"And I do care about you," Misato insisted. "I can't undo any of the things that have happened to you, but I can do my best to look out for you in the future. And I want to do that."
"No you don't," Asuka spat. "The only reason you're bothering at all is because of him."
"That isn't true," Misato countered. "But even if it was, does it really matter? Either way --"
Asuka stamped her foot, her arms locked at her sides. "Of course it matters!" she shrieked.
Misato actually took a step back at that, shocked by the vehemence of Asuka's response. She stared at the girl before her, so full of rage and hurt and betrayal, and her confusion slowly gave way to understanding. "I see," she said. Asuka glared at her, but held her tongue. Misato took her shoulders gently in hand, moving slowly so as not to startle her. "I've really misjudged you, haven't I?" Misato asked. "All this time, I thought your only interest was in survival. Shinji, me, even Kaji were just means to that end. But it wasn't like that at all, was it?" She laughed ruefully, squeezing gently. "No, of course not. It's so obvious, given what happened with your mom. I guess I never really made the connection because of everything else that was going on."
Asuka said nothing, but the wary look in her eyes spoke volumes.
"Alright then. I think I can understand your feelings now. And I can't really blame you; I'd be pretty skeptical myself if I was in your position. So that means I'll just have to prove it, right?" She gave Asuka a gentle smile. "But you'll have to give me the chance to do that, Asuka. I can't force you to accept me. All I can do is do my best to earn your trust. And that starts right now." She guided Asuka to a chair in the kitchen, sitting on another herself. "If you won't go back to Kyoto--" Asuka shook her head violently "-- then here's plan B. The unit next door is vacant at the moment. How would you like to live there?"
Asuka hesitated, then gave a half-hearted shrug.
"My own apartment is right down the hall, so I'll be here if you need me. And, since you'll be in your own place, you won't have to deal with Shinji or me if you don't want to. How does that sound?"
Asuka considered for a moment. "Fine," she mumbled. The bitter resentment in her voice seemed to have receded for the moment, replaced by a wary vulnerability more fitting for a girl of her age.
"Alrighty then!" Misato chirped, all smiles again. "I'll make the arrangements with the rental office. We'll have to go shopping to get you some supplies, but we should wait until Shinji gets home to do that; we'll need someone to carry the bags, right?" She smiled brightly, full of forced cheer.
Asuka smirked. "Heh."
"Oh, and since you just woke up you must be hungry." She got up, heading for the pantry. "Why don't I --"
Asuka's eyes widened, and she leapt after Misato. "No, that's okay! I'll make breakfast!"
"Aw, but I had this neat idea for an experiment! All I need is some horseradish and some curry and --"
"No, really, that's fine! I'm good here. Shinji made some rice balls before he left, so that'll be fine. Better than fine, great even! Shinji makes great stuff, right?" Her voice had a bit of a panicked edge to it.
"Oh, you're no fun," Misato pouted, sitting down. "Fine, fine, we'll have Shinji's boring-yet-tasty food. But you'll have to try mine eventually."
"Heh heh, sure, sure." Asuka's face turned a shade of green as she headed to the refrigerator to get the rice balls. She rolled her eyes and whispered a silent prayer to whatever deities might still exist that she be spared Misato's cooking for as long as possible.

October 10, 2018

Asuka was watching TV with Shinji when she saw the news report: Dr. Hoshi Kotetsu of Kyoto shot and killed, apparently due to a self-inflicted gunshot wound, amidst allegations that he had had inappropriate physical contact with no less than 23 of his patients. Shinji turned to stare at her, but she was already halfway to the front door. She tore through it and ran down the hall, banging on the door to Misato's apartment.
Misato opened the door, clad in shorts and a t-shirt, beer in hand. "Evening Asuka," she said mildly. "What can I do for you?"
Asuka just stared at her, then at the TV behind her. It was airing the same report. She turned back to Misato. "You . . . " she began, struggling to find words. "What did you do?" she asked.
Misato gave her an appraising look. She turned, heading back inside, and beckoned Asuka to follow. "The world's a violent and unpredictable place lately," she mused, returning to her seat. “These things do happen, from time to time.” She turned toward Asuka. "But you needn't worry," she said.
"W-why is that?" Asuka asked, nervous.
Misato just smiled. "Because I will protect you," she said.
Asuka swallowed thickly, looking at her guardian with a mixture of awe and fear. Misato looked up as the door opened, grinning at Shinji as he walked through. "Heya Shinji!" she chirped.
"What's going on?" he asked. "That doctor, wasn't he . . .?"
"Asuka," Misato said, interrupting the boy, "why don't you take Shinji back to his place? I'm sure you two have a lot to talk about."
Asuka blinked, somewhat dazed by the past five minutes of her life. "Yeah," she said. "Yeah, I guess so. Let's go, Shinji."
"Huh?" he asked, confused. "Um, okay." He preceded her out the door, and Asuka took one last look behind her as she left. Misato was watching the TV, paying them no mind. Asuka closed the door and headed back to Shinji's apartment.

[Bagheera]

This one's shorter, but sometimes that's just how it goes. I also added dates to the previous chapters so there's less guesswork continuity-wise.

January 28, 2016

(click to show/hide)

January 28, 2016

Her scream woke him. It was followed by a painful sob and erratic breathing. He hurried to her door but could only stand there, indecisive. She screamed again, this time a deliberate howl of rage and frustration. Before long she looked up, saw him. "What do you want?" she rasped.
Shinji hesitated, then clenched his fist in decision. He stepped forward, hand outstretched, as if to embrace her. She slapped it away with a snarl. She glared at him, rage and hatred in her eyes, but said nothing.
Shinji held his hand gingerly and stared at her in confusion. "I won't run away," he told her. "I don't . . . I don't know what to do, but I won't leave."
She scoffed at him, shaking her head in disgust and looking away.
Shinji fidgeted uncomfortably. "I found a rice cooker yesterday," he said. "I made some rice balls last night, they're pretty good. I'll get you one if you like."
She didn't say anything. She was massaging her forehead, trying to banish the nightmare from her mind.
"Asuka--" he started.
"Fine," she interrupted. "That's fine. Whatever."
He nodded and scurried off. She gave a bitter, defeated laugh and buried her head in her hands.

Asuka woke in the middle of the night, the urge in her bladder pushing her out of bed. He was on the balcony as she passed, sitting on the bench, trembling. She sneered at him and continued on her way. When she was finished in the bathroom she headed back to her room. She looked at him again as she passed. It was curious; he never broke down like this when he was around her. She shook her head and passed the balcony, then stopped. She was very angry for some reason. After a moment she clenched her fist in frustration, then slammed it against the wall.
She opened the door and stepped onto the balcony. He didn't seem to notice; he just kept on sniffling.
She wasn't sure what she should say or do, but his weakness disgusted her. Ultimately, she opted for the direct approach. She grabbed his shoulder, startling him, and squeezed painfully, digging her fingernails into his skin with all of her might. "Let me remind you of something, idiot," she sneered. "You owe me. That angel defiled me, the commander threw me away, Misato abandoned me, and those fucking Evas . . . " she laughed shortly. "All of that, and you didn't do a thing to help. Not one goddamn thing."
"I'm sorry--" he began.
She squeezed harder, and he yelped. "I don't want your fucking apologies, Third Child. 'I'm sorry' doesn't do me a bit of good, y'know? It's useless. Instead, I want someone I can rely on. Someone who can help me out. And there's no one else here, so that someone is you, get it?" He nodded, trying not to whimper. "So get your shit together, or I swear to god I'll make you regret it."
He winced as she tightened her grip. "Okay!" he said. "Asuka, you're hurting me!"
She slackened her hold on him. He took several deep breaths, trying to reign in his emotions, and she was patient. She held him firmly, but the hateful malice that had possessed her had retreated for the moment. Gradually, he got his emotions under control. As his breathing evened out she released her hold on his shoulder and sat beside him, facing in the opposite direction. Neither of them said anything.
They stayed like that for a long time.
Presently, she stood. She made to head inside, but hesitated. "Sorry, stupid Shinji," she said. "I know it isn't much, but this is the best I can do right now."
He turned toward her. "I know," he said. He wiped his eyes and tried to smile, but didn't quite make it. "It's fine," he went on. "I'm better now."
"Fine," she said. She spared him a sidelong glance, then chewed her lip for a moment, agitated. Then she continued on inside, returning to her room.

[Bagheera]

Yay, Asuka's being helpful, oh god please no

February 3, 2016

(click to show/hide)

February 3, 2016

It was mid-afternoon when Shinji returned from his hunt for supplies. He dropped his backpack in the kitchen, not bothering to unpack it, and collapsed in the living room, the very picture of misery and despair.
Asuka entered the room and looked around, frowning as she caught sight of him. "What's your problem?" she asked.
He sniffled. "Nothing." He didn't look at her, just stared out the window.
She rolled her eyes. "Oh Christ, not this again--"
"Shut up!" he shouted. "You aren't the only one who's suffering!"
She went very still. "What?" Her voice had taken on a dangerous edge, but if Shinji noticed he gave no indication.
Shinji was fighting back tears. "I killed my friend, don't you understand? He's dead because of me, and so is Ayanami, and all of this --" he waved his arms to encompass the whole of the world "--is all because of me. I didn't do anything to help you or Misato, and even though I piloted everyone is dead because of me! It's all my fault!" He was really worked up now.
"You're really full of yourself, aren't you?" she said flatly.
And all at once, it was back. That rage she hadn't seen since Instrumentality began. She stuck out her chin in challenge. "Stupid Shinji. Going to finish the job this time?" she whispered, tone full of vicious mockery.
That did it. He instantly deflated, utterly defeated, and sank to the ground in misery.
She looked at him with a mixture of pity and disgust. "It isn't your fault," she said.
He looked up at her, then away. "It is. I killed him, and Ayanami killed everyone else because of me."
She crossed the room to the kitchen. She hauled his pack up onto the counter, then started digging through it to see if he'd found anything tasty. "You're an idiot," she said. "Little Miss Perfect was always going on about how she wasn't a doll, so why are you acting like she had no choice here?" The irony of this statement was not lost on her. "She was the one in control. There was nothing stopping her from saying 'hey, this might not be such a hot idea, maybe I shouldn't do it.' And yet she looked at this stupid, broken little child in front of her and said 'yeah, I'll do what he wants and end everyone, that's totally a great plan!'" She punctuated the last with a couple of thumbs up and a mocking grin. "How is that your fault?"
He glared at her. "Don't talk about her like that!"
She turned toward him, hand on hip. "Am I wrong?" she asked.
"I don't know!" he cried. The anger drained out of him, and he shrugged. "She still did it because of me."
"Yeah, because she was stupid. Get over it already." Her eyes widened as she caught sight of something in his stash. "Ooh, tuna!" she said, grinning brightly. She opened the can and started eating. "Who is this Kaworu person, anyway?"
"He was a good person," Shinji said. "He came to Nerv to be a pilot after you . . . went away. He was my friend and I killed him."
"Why?" she asked.
"I had to," he replied. "If I didn't, everyone would have died."
"Why?" she pressed.
He fidgeted. "He was an angel!"
She stopped, looked at him.
He shrugged. "He was an angel who looked like a human. Like Ayanami, I guess."
She shook her head in disbelief. "Weird. So why did you have to kill him?"
Shinji waved his hands helplessly. "He said that humans deserved to live. He wanted me to live and be happy, so I had to kill him!"
"That's what he wanted?" she asked.
He nodded. "Yes."
"You're sure?" she asked.  "That's what he said?"
"Yes!" he shouted.
"If that's so," she observed, a wry look on her face, "then why didn't he leave?"
He stared at her. ". . . what?"
She threw the empty can in the trash bin. "If he wanted us to live, why didn't he go back to where he came from? If he was like Ayanami he had to live somewhere before he came to Nerv, right? Why did you have to do anything?"
"He was an angel!" Shinji cried.
"So what?" She shrugged. "If he wants us to live he lets us live and goes away, simple."
He scowled. "It wasn't like that."
She cocked her head. "Why not?"
"If I didn't kill him he would have started Third Impact!" he shouted, exasperated.
She just stared at him, then burst out laughing.
Now he was really confused. "It's not funny! Why are you laughing?"
"Are you an idiot?"
He just stared at her, completely bewildered.
She rolled her eyes. "Shinji, you said it yourself. He was an angel! He showed up, made friends with you, and then held the fate of humanity over your head to make you kill him. How can you not see it? He wasn't your friend, he was there to destroy you."
"That's ridiculous!" he exclaimed.
She shook her head. "What's ridiculous is thinking that such an absurd situation could possibly be your fault."
"I don't believe you," he said. "Kaworu was a good person!"
She laughed derisively. "Oh my god, you are so naive." She shrugged. "Whatever. Good people don't force others to make decisions like that. It isn't right."
He didn't reply.
"Don't you get it? You're a victim here. You're blaming yourself for their decisions, but you were used and manipulated just like I was. All of that crap," she said, jerking a thumb toward the door, "is Nerv's fault, not yours. And Ayanami and Kaworu made their stupid decisions all by themselves."
"You're wrong!" he shouted. He got to his feet. "They never gave you a choice," he went on. "They used you and they, they threw you away, like you said! But I had a choice! They all gave me a choice, and I chose wrong every time! No matter what you say, this is my fault!"
She looked at him silently for a few moments, leaning against the kitchen counter. "It was a false choice, Shinji," she said softly.
He gave her a sullen stare, then shuffled off to his room. Before he closed the door he said, "you don't understand anything."
She watched the door close with crossed arms. "Idiot," she said. She began emptying his pack, taking inventory as she put everything away. Outside the cicadas droned on, continuing their chatter as dusk fell upon the city.

For my next trick, Asuka's triumphant return from Kyoto! Wait, that's not how it goes . . .

[Bagheera]

Oooh, plot. Also added a date to the epilogue in the second update posted above. A future chapter will add some context to that, and the epilogue is a coda to both that chapter and the one where it made its actual appearance. That will make sense later.

September 9, 2018

(click to show/hide)

September 9, 2018

Shinji sat down at his computer and checked his e-mail. He had a message from Touji indicating his friend was psyched about starting up school the following day, and another from Misato with a link to a strange video on a media site involving an anime character making strange noises. It was a shot sequence, looped for over an hour. He frowned in annoyance and deleted it.
His cell phone rang. When he answered his guardian greeted him. "Hiya Shinji," she said, her voice somewhat subdued.
"Why do you keep sending me junk e-mail?" he asked.
"Whaaat?" she complained. "I'll have you know that's some of the finest entertainment on the internet!"
"You have strange taste," he observed.
"Says the kid who plays Bach, eh?" He could hear the smirk in her voice.
"That's . . . that's different!" he protested.
"Heh." Her tone shifted. "Listen Shinji, I've got some bad news."
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"I just heard from Asuka's therapist, Dr. Kotetsu," she said. "He says she started a fight at the facility and checked herself out."
"A fight?" Shinji asked. "Why would she do that?"
"I'm not sure," she replied. "I don't have all the details, and Dr. Kotetsu is being pretty tight-lipped about it. But what's important is the fact that we don't know where she is, and that it sounds like she's very upset."
"Is she alright?" His voice had gone up an octave.
"I don't know, Shinji," she replied. "But if you see her I want you to let me know right away, okay?"
"Sure," he said.
"And be careful," she went on. "She hasn't exactly been communicative lately, so I have no idea what's going through her head right now. You haven't heard from her, have you?"
"Of course not," he spat bitterly. "I write her every week, and can count her replies on one hand."
"I know," she said, sympathetic. "Just remember, Asuka's not exactly shy. If she didn't want to hear from you she'd tell you to quit bothering her."
"That's what you always say," he muttered.
"Because it's true!" The cheer in her voice almost sounded genuine. "But anyway," she went on, "I gotta get to work on finding her. Let me know if you hear anything."
"I will." Shinji hung up, then got ready to face the day.

Asuka knocked on his door about a half hour after Misato's call. Shinji answered, and found her dressed in proffessional attire: a blouse, skirt, and jacket. She had circles under her eyes and seemed somewhat harried, but nonetheless gave him a weak smile when she saw him. "Hey, stupid Shinji," she said. "Mind if I come in?"
Shinji just stared, eyes wide. "Uh, s-sure, Asuka. Please come in."
"Thanks," she said.
Shinji pulled out his phone. "I need to call Misato," he said. "She's looking for you." He started to dial, but she lay her hand over his to stop him.
"Don't," she asked. "This is our business, not hers."
Shinji looked at her, confused. Her tone was very strange. "O-okay, I guess."
She smiled at him. "Let's sit down somewhere."
"S-sure." Shinji led them to his living room, where they sat near the wall.
"What's this about, Asuka? Misato said something about a fight. And why did you leave the hospital? Wasn't it your idea to go there?"
Her face darkened, but she closed her eyes and calmed herself. "That doesn't matter. Don't worry about it."
He nodded. "Well then . . . what did you want to talk about?"
She leaned against the wall, thinking. "There were a lot of things you did before Third Impact that pissed me off. And some of them were really, really bad. You know what I'm talking about." She gave him a pointed stare, and he squirmed. "I hated you for what you did to me then, and I never forgave you for it. And I don't think I ever will."
She was silent for a bit, and her brow furrowed, as though she was trying to remember what came next.
"But after Third Impact, when we were alone, things changed." She rubbed the scar on her wrist absently. "You were paying attention then, and you were trying to help me, and you didn't give up. Even if it was just because of guilt or whatever, you still helped me out. And that was a good thing. Do you get that? It's important that you understand that."
He nodded. "Okay, I guess."
She leaned forward, her expression severe. "No, not 'I guess'. Do you get it or not?"
He held his hands up defensively. "I get it. It . . . it was a good thing."
She backed off. "That's right. And I'm grateful for that." She sounded very tired.
"Okay." Shinji shifted uncomfortably.
"Also, Nagisa was right. You're a good person, and you deserve to live a happy life. What happened after, with Third Impact -- that was Nerv. It was all about them and their shitty goals, all of it. None of it was your fault. I really, really want you to understand that."
Shinji was reeling now. "Asuka, this is . . . this isn't like you. What's going on? Why are you saying all of this?"
"Don't worry about it. I just wanted to make sure you understood all of that." She stood up. "Look, I gotta get going." She headed for the door. Halfway there, she turned around. "Oh, one more thing: I don't hate you anymore. I just . . . I didn't understand you, and didn't know how to deal with you." She gave him another weak smile. "Maybe in another life, one without Nerv, we could have been friends. Imagine that, huh?"
"Asuka, I don't --" he began.
"It's fine, Shinji.  Take care of yourself, okay?" She headed for the door.
Shinji followed after her, starting to panic. "Asuka," he said.
She turned, irritated. "What?"
He licked his lips, mind racing. What should he say? "I really wish we could have been friends. More than anything."
She stared at him. For a moment her lip quivered, before her composure broke completely. She closed her eyes, then opened them and sucked in a deep, centering breath. "Sorry, Shin," she said. Her voice was barely above a whisper. "It's not getting any better. Night after night after night, the same thing. I can't take it anymore. I just can't."
Shinji was frantic now. "We should talk to Misato. I'm sure she'll be able to help --"
She gave him a small smile, shook her head, then coughed. "Can I get a glass of orange juice?" she asked. "I'm really thirsty for some reason."
"Huh? Sure." He headed into the kitchen, desperately trying to think of something he could say to stop her. He was reaching for the orange juice when he realized his mistake. He headed back toward the front door . . .
. . . but of course she was long gone.

"Do we have any GPS information on her?" Misato asked.
"No ma'am," Hyuga replied. "She shut her phone off before she left and we found the secondary tracker in a garbage bin outside the train station."
"God damn it. That girl is far too clever for her own good." Misato sighed, rubbing her forehead wearily. "Alright, finding her is top priority. Get all available personnel involved in the search. She's a red-headed American in Japan, she can't be that hard to find."
"Yes ma'am."
Misato's phone rang. When she answered she heard a frantic voice on the other end. "Whoa, Shinji, slow down! I can't make out what you're saying!" She listended for a bit. "What? Why didn't you call me?" She frowned. "No, that's not your fault. She can be very persuasive like that." She sighed. "Don't worry, Shinji. We'll find her. Just sit tight and leave it to us, okay? Yes, I'm sure she's fine. We'll do our best, I promise." She nodded. "Okay, bye."
She hung up. "Shit."

She was trying to calm a frantic Shinji when she got the call. "Shinji, I promise we'll find her, alright? Calm down!"
"But she was acting really strange, Misato! She was telling me I was a good person, and that Third Impact wasn't my fault, and that she was grateful for what I did for her . . . she was being nice, Misato! It just isn't like her."
Misato smirked. "All of those things are true, you know."
He frowned at her. "That's not the point."
"I know, I know. Trust me, Shinji, I have all of my people working on it. We'll find her."
That's when her phone rang. She picked up, talked for a few seconds, hung up. She flashed Shinji a weak smile. "She turned on her phone, Shinji. We've got her."

Asuka's cell phone signal led Misato to a dumpy hotel in a bad part of town. It didn't take long to find the girl's room. She knocked on the door, once, twice, three times. No answer. She tried the handle and it opened. Asuka was there, naked, sitting with her back to the wall, her head resting on folded arms. Misato entered, clearing the room and the adjoining bathroom. There was a razor blade on the desk by the door, which she pocketed immediately, and she found the girl's clothes in the latter room, neatly folded. 
She knelt by the naked girl before her. "Asuka?" she asked.
Asuka raised her head. Her eyes were dull and listless, full of pain and misery. She met Misato's gaze, but didn't say anything.
"Are you alright?" she asked.
Asuka shook her head slowly, then leaned back against the wall. She closed her eyes again.
Misato looked in the closet for a blanket and wrapped it around the girl. "I'm going to take you out of here, alright? We'll go to my place for now. We can sort everything out in the morning."
Asuka nodded and stood. As she did, Misato caught sight of bruises on the girl's breast and thigh, as well as one knee. She opened her mouth to ask about them, then thought better of it. Asuka headed into the bathroom to change. When she was finished Misato wrapped an arm around the girl's shoulders and walked her back to her car. They didn't speak on the ride back to the apartment complex.

When they knocked on his door Shinji opened it almost immediately. "Asuka!" he said, panic and relief evident in his voice. She didn't reply. He frowned, thinking. "Are you hungry? It's pretty late, but I can make some soup or something really quick if you like."
"That's a good idea, Shinji," Misato said. She turned to Asuka. "When did you last eat anything, anyway?"
Asuka thought for a moment, then said, "I don't remember. A couple of days ago, I think."
Shinji and Misato shared a look, then quickly ushered Asuka into the kitchen. Shinji began making some udon noodles and threw a mix of leftover chicken, rice, and onions into the microwave to heat. Misato and Asuka sat at the table, the latter laying her head on her arms.
"This will be ready in a few minutes, Asuka," Shinji said. "Then you can head over to Misato's place and --"
"I'm staying here tonight," the girl said, interrupting him.
Misato gave Shinji a look. "Um, Asuka, I'm not sure that's such a hot idea."
"I don't care," she said flatly.
"Well . . . " She looked at Shinji. "Is that alright with you?"
He nodded. "Sure."
"Don't worry," Asuka spat. "I won't break your precious Shinji or anything."
"That's not my concern, Asuka," Misato said, taken aback.
Asuka shrugged.
"Well, if that's the way you feel," Misato replied, her tone subdued. "I guess I'll head home, then. Take good care of her, Shinji."
"I will," the boy said.
Misato cast one more look at the girl in front of her, then took her leave.
Once she'd left Shinji said "That wasn't very nice, Asuka."
Asuka shrugged wearily. "I don't care."
"You should care. She was really worried about you."
She sat up, rubbing her face with her hands. "Yeah, right. She only cares about the fact that I caused her a bunch of trouble."
He frowned. "That's really not true, Asuka."
"Whatever."
He didn't press the point, instead opting to finish making the meal in silence. He scooped the noodles onto a plate and added the chicken mix when it was finished heating, then placed the dish in front of Asuka. "Thanks for the food," she said. She took a bite, realized she was terribly hungry, and started eating ravenously. "This is good," she said.
He gave her a weak smile. "Thanks."
She didn't say anything more, opting instead to focus on the meal in front of her.

"Asuka, are you awake?" They were in Shinji's room, her in his futon and him on a tatami mat.
She nodded. "Yeah."
"Can I ask you something?"
She made an irritated noise. "I told you I didn't want to talk about it."
"Not that. Something else."
"What is it?" she asked. She sounded irritated.
"Why did you go to Kyoto?" She didn't respond. "Sorry, I guess I shouldn't have--"
"To get away from you," she said.
"Huh?" he asked, startled.
"I went to get away from you," she repeated.
"Oh," he said, hurt. "I see."
"No, you don't see. I didn't go because I hated you, I just . . . " she sighed.
"it's okay," he said, "you don't have to explain."
"Shut up for a minute. Look, after Third Impact . . . you reminded me of everything terrible that happened to me. None of it was your fault, but I still remembered it every time I looked at you. And I hated that. And then I started taking it out on you, becoming a completely irrational bitch about it, and I hated that too. I hated the person I was becoming, and I wanted it to stop. So I left."
"Did it help?" he asked.
She frowned. "It seemed to, at first. But I was all alone. The doctors didn't understand anything, and the patients were even worse. I couldn't relate to any of them. And that gave me time to think about it, and it just got worse and worse and worse."
"But then why come back?" he asked. "I mean, if I was the reason you left--"
"I wasn't gonna be here for long, Shinji," she said wryly.
"I know that," he said. "It's just that . . . I mean, I don't know what to do. I want to help you, but if I'm just going to upset you and cause problems --"
"You think too much," she said with a smirk.
He blinked. "What? I thought I was stupid."
"You are stupid," she said sagely. "You're stupid and you think too much."
"That doesn't make any sense," he protested.
She laughed. "See? What did I just say?"
He groaned, and she laughed again.
"Did you really mean it when you said you wanted to be my friend?" she asked.
He nodded. "Of course."
"That'd be nice. We should give that a try sometime." She yawned sleepily.
He nodded. "Sure."
"Maybe someday . . . " she said, and drifted off to sleep.

Next: Shinji and Touji, Asuka and Hikari, and playing the cello. Not sure which it will be; one, two, or all, who knows? Also: Asuka's career plans, and the aftermath of that night in the very first segment. But those are a ways off.

[Bagheera]

Edit: Okay, less terrible now. Comments on writing style and such still appreciated, questions about content welcome.

October 7, 2018

(click to show/hide)

October 7, 2018

Asuka opened the door to Shinji's apartment, only to find Misato standing on the other side. "Thought you'd be here," the latter said with a smirk.
Asuka scowled. "What do you want?" she asked.
"Tut tut, Asuka. That's no way to speak to your guardian. Besides, I thought we were friends now?"
"Don't push it," the redhead replied. "And anyway, I wasn't trying to be hostile, just inquiring."
"Mmmm." Misato was unconvinced. "Well, anyway, let me buy you lunch. I want to talk to you about a few things."
Asuka shot her a wary look. "What sorts of things?"
Misato grinned, but it was a weak grin. "The sorts of things a parent speaks of with her child."
Asuka just stared at her.
Misato slumped, giving in. "It's important, Asuka. Work with me? Please?"
Asuka sighed. "Fine, fine." She exited the apartment, closing the door. "I hope it's a good lunch," she mumbled.

To her credit, Misato did take her to a decent restaurant. Asuka ordered a swordfish steak out of principle; Misato winced at her charge's choice, then shrugged it off and ordered some sashimi for herself. They made small talk until the meal arrived -- was Asuka's apartment alright, was she eating properly, how was therapy, and so on. Once the main course arrived, Asuka started to dig in and she got to the heart of the matter.
"Okay, enough already," she grumped. "Why are we here?"
"Whaaaat?" Misato protested. "Can't I buy lunch for my favorite girl?"
"You're buying me swordfish, and we both know I'm not your favorite," Asuka growled. "Spill it already."
Misato laughed nervously, then gave in. "Alright," she said. Her expression darkened. "I want to know about what happened in Kyoto."
Asuka scowled. "Why?" she asked. "You wouldn't believe me anyway. Same as the cops and everyone else."
Misato's face was like stone. "Try me," she challenged. When that failed to generate the desired response, she added "I already have a good idea as to what happened."
Asuka ignored her. "You don't know anything," she mumbled.
Misato patiently picked at her food. "I saw the bruises on you when I met you at the hotel that night." Asuka looked up. "But I'd rather hear it from you than speculate."
Asuka glared at her. "Fine," she said. She closed her eyes, remembering that night. "He put his hands on me," she whispered, her voice shaking with rage. "He acted like he was doing me a goddamn favor by paying attention to me." She opened her eyes, her gaze fixed on some point past Misato's shoulder. "I couldn't believe it. He was supposed to be helping me, you know? You sent me there so he could help me, and he . . . " She shook herself, set her jaw, and continued on. "I told him to piss off, and he grabbed me. He tried to force me down. So I . . . " she trailed off.
"You fought back," Misato murmured.
Asuka shrugged.
"Good for you." The pride in her voice was unmistakeable.
Asuka looked at her, surprised. "You believe me?"
Misato nodded. "I do." She smirked. "Does that surprise you?"
Asuka just stared at her, incredulous.
In response, Misato slid a folder across the table, one of two in her possession.
Asuka just looked at it, puzzled, then back at Misato.
"Go on, open it."
Asuka did as she was bade. The file included many things: an examination of Dr. Kotetsu's injuries (fractured orbital, broken mandible, damaged trachea, ruptured spleen, three broken ribs, testicular rupture), a criminal complaint from the Kyoto police department, an arrest warrant (quashed), and interviews with 23 of Kotetsu's former patients (conducted not by the police, Asuka noted, but rather by agents of Herz). The names of the victims were of course redacted, but the name on the arrest warrant was not.
"They were going to arrest  me." Asuka was not terribly surprised.
Misato nodded. "Yes."
"Why didn't they?" the girl asked.
"I forbade it." Misato replied, shrugging.
Asuka just stared at her guardian, confused. "You interfered? But why?"
"Why wouldn't I?" Misato asked.
Asuka frowned in confusion.
Misato gave her a sad smile. "You think I'm your enemy, but that's not the case. I hope one day you'll understand that." She adopted a more neutral demeanor and continued her explanation. "When I first heard about your 'assault' on the good doctor, I was skeptical; it's not inconceivable that you'd lash out at someone if sufficiently provoked, but an attack like that still seemed out of character. When I saw you in that dingy hotel room last month everything fell into place." She took a bite of her sashimi, and then continued. "So," she went on, "I had my people in Kyoto start snooping around, talking to hospital staff, that sort of thing. As it turns out, much of said staff was also skeptical; it seems they've had their suspicions about Dr. Kotetsu's activities for some time, but had no proof on which to act. They put me in touch with some of his former patients, and this is the result."
"I see," Asuka said, her voice subdued. "So, what happens now?"
"That," Misato said, taking another bite of her food, "is something you don't need to worry about."
"What does that mean?" Asuka asked.
Misato grinned. "It means it's time to move on to other things!" She grabbed the other folder in her possession. "For example, let's talk about your plans for the future!"
Asuka eyed the folder warily and took a bite of her swordfish. "I'm having enough trouble dealing with the present."
"You can't play house with Shinji forever, you know."
The girl flushed. "It's not like that!" she protested.
Misato laughed lightly. "Fine, fine." She pushed the folder toward Asuka. "Just tell me what you think of this."
"What is it?"
"Hmmm," Misato intoned. She nibbled on her Sashimi and said "You tell me."
Asuka gave her a put upon look and opened the folder. She scanned the first page, then said, "It looks like Professor Fuyutsuki's primary data on the amplification of a human AT Field, using the evangelion as a medium."
Misato stared at her blandly. "Yes, that is what the title says. But do you understand it?"
Asuka huffed and focused on the page. After digesting its contents she said, "a little. This is the Lorenz equation, and it looks like the professor is using it to estimate the maximum strength of the evangelion's AT Field." Her eyes widened in surprise. "Wow. We never came close to this."
Misato stared at the girl with a mixture of pride and wonder. "No," she murmured, "you didn't. Only the Seeds of Life and Yui Ikari came anywhere close to that figure. I had to talk to three people to figure that out, and here you did it in less than a minute."
Asuka shrugged, embarrassed. "It's not that hard."
"Maybe not for you," Misato replied, taking another bite of her fish. "Look at what else is in there."
Asuka put the article aside and looked at the form beneath it. She glanced up at Misato, head cocked in confusion. "This is . . . "
"An application to Tokyo University's graduate program in Applied Metaphysical Biology, yes," her guardian finished.
"You're insane," Asuka scoffed. "I'd never get in."
"Why not?" Misato asked. "You have a college degree, right?"
"It was a specialty program, not a full university course." Asuka waved her hand for emphasis. "I was twelve years old, it's impossible to complete a full curriculum by that age."
"True," Misato agreed, "but the requisite knowledge is still there. You just proved it."
Asuka shook her head. "Misato, how can you be so naive? I'm 16, and I'm a foreigner. This would be a stretch even in Germany, and here they probably wouldn't even recognize my credentials."
"Let me worry about that," her guardian replied. "Just tell me if you're interested."
"It's ridiculous--" the girl began.
"Asuka. Yes or no."
Asuka huffed in exasperation. "I have no idea. Maybe? I don't even know if I'm stable enough to do it."
"I'm not asking about the practicalities involved," Misato noted. "Do you want to do it, or not?"
"I just said I don't know, alright?" Asuka stabbed her chopsticks into her rice, flustered. "Who's running the program, anyway?"
"His name is Professor Kuroha," Misato said. "As I understand it, he was one of Professor Fuyutsuki's students back in the day. He's very familiar with Yui Ikari's work, as well as that of your mother."
Asuka stopped, looked up. "Huh," she said. She thought for a while, then asked, "did he know her?"
"I'm not sure," Misato replied. "But I talked with him for a bit when we met, to discuss your situation. He's a good man, Asuka. And, in my opinion, he'd make a fine advisor."
Asuka stabbed her rice a bit more. After a time she said, "Alright, fine. If you can get me in . . . whatever."
"So enthusiastic!" Misato chided.
Asuka made a face, but said nothing.
"Alright then, I'll get the wheels rolling." She grinned. "And now for the important stuff! How are things with little Shinji?"
Asuka groaned. "You're disgusting," she said.
Her guardian laughed, and the meal continued.

Wait, 21 pages so far. This might wind up actually being a novella once all is said and done. Also, Touji and Hikari are very sad, but I think the cello's next.

[Bagheera]

I said "playing the cello", didn't I? Whoops.

March 12, 2016

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March 12, 2016

Asuka awoke with a shout, clawing at her face as she fought to escape the dream's crushing grip. She was in the main living area of their apartment, with Shinji's futon right beside hers. She wrapped her arms around herself and doubled over, trying to calm herself.
Shinji watched her, weary and sympathetic. When she'd calmed a bit he asked, "That was the really bad one, wasn't it?"
"Yeah."
Shinji chewed his lip in indecision, then sat up. He slowly reached for her, then lay a hand on her back. He started to rub slowly.
"Don't grab me," she said.
"Sorry." He started to pull his hand away.
"No, it's fine," she said. "What you're doing is fine. Just don't grab me."
"O-okay."
Asuka scowled. "I used to want to be held more than anything, but now the very thought of it sickens me." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "God, I hate this."
"Me too," he said.
"What was yours about?" she asked.
"Misato's blood, and Lilith's eyes," he replied.
"One of your worst ones, huh?"
"Yeah."
Asuka tolerated his touch for a few more minutes, then squirmed a little to shake him off. He pulled his hand back. "What time is it?" she asked.
"It's after nine," he replied. "Would you like some breakfast?"
"I'm not hungry," she said.
Shinji gave her a worried look. "That's what you said yesterday, and you said it again when I asked about dinner. You need to eat, Asuka."
She scowled at him. "I'll eat when I'm hungry."
"That's not enough!" he exclaimed. "You need to keep up your strength--"
"Stop bugging me about it!" she snapped. "It's none of your business, so fuck off."
"It is my business!" he insisted. "What happens if you get sick from malnutrition or something? I don't know how to handle something like that!"
"Stop being such a worrywart," she scoffed. "Nothing like that's gonna happen."
He didn't reply for a bit, but eventually said "I don't want to be alone, Asuka. Please, try to eat something."
Asuka growled in annoyance. "Fine, I'll eat something. Now go away and stop bothering me."
He sighed. "Okay, fine. We need some supplies anyway, so I'll go look around or something."
"Whatever," she mumbled. "Good."
"Are you sure you're alright?" he asked.
She waved a hand in a shooing motion, dismissing him.
He let out a frustrated breath and stood, then grabbed his pack and headed out of the apartment. As he got to the door, she said "Shinji?"
"What is it?" he asked.
"Don't be gone too long, okay?" He recognized the fragile tone in her voice.
"I won't," he said, reassuringly. "I'll be back by early afternoon."
She nodded.
He opened the door and left.

As promised, Shinji returned in the early afternoon. Asuka turned to greet him, then stopped in her tracks when she saw what he was carrying. It was a cello, case and all. "Where the hell did you get that?" she asked.
"I found it in a wrecked music shop near the edge of town. It's in pretty good shape!" he said, proudly running a hand over his prize.
Asuka arched an eyebrow. "So you're saying you stole it, then."
Shinji blinked in confusion. "W-what?"
She smirked. "It doesn't belong to you, and you took it. What else would you call it?"
Shinji took a step back, shaking his head. "W-wait, it wasn't like that! There was no one there, and everything was wrecked --"
"--and the owner can come back at any time, and when he does he'll be down one cello because you took it. That's theft," she said with a shrug.
"I see," he said, crestfallen.
"Why'd you do it, anyway? You never seemed all that passionate about playing the thing."
"I thought you might like it if I played something," he mumbled.
She scoffed. "Oh yeah, right. Like some light music's gonna make everything better, eh?"
He grimaced. "Fine, I'll take it back." He turned toward the door.
"I didn't say you had to do that," she said, her tone dripping with condescencion.
He stopped. He paused a moment, then turned and glared at her. "Why do you have to be so mean all the time? I was trying to do something nice for you!"
Asuka stepped back, panic setting in. "Look, I was just saying--"
"I know what you were saying!" he shouted. "I already said I'm taking it back!"
"You don't--" she began.
"What am I supposed to do, Asuka? Nothing I try works, and you just keep getting mad, and --"
"Stop it!" she cried. "Please, stop."
He stopped.
She took a deep breath. "I shouldn't have said that, okay?" she said. "I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I really wasn't. I just . . . I didn't think it through."
"Whatever," he said, sulking. He turned toward the door again.
She tried again. "Shinji, wait."
He stopped, but didn't turn around. "What is it?"
She licked her lips, choosing her words carefully. "Those things need care, right? I mean, it's bad if you just leave them sitting around, isn't it?"
"Yeah."
"Well, we don't know when the owner's coming back. So what if you kept it here and left a note or something telling him where to find it? That way you'd be helping him out and you're just borrowing it."
He shrugged. "What's the point? I don't feel like playing anymore, and you don't want to hear it anyway."
"Shinji--"
"I'll be back later." He left without another word.
"Shit!" There were tears in her eyes when Asuka caught sight of herself in the mirror. "You stupid bitch," she spat. "Why do you keep doing that? What the hell is wrong with you?"

When Shinji got back Asuka was in the living room. Her eyes were red and she looked agitated.
"Are you still mad?" she asked.
He shook his head tiredly. "Not really. I just wanna get some sleep."
"I really wasn't trying to hurt you," she said, a pleading note in her voice.
"Okay," he said.
"And I'm glad you wanted to do something nice for me." Her voice was earnest.
He gave her a weak smile.
"I'm really trying not to be mean," she went on. "But everything's so fucked up . . . "
"Yeah." He lay down on his futon and closed his eyes.
"I don't know what to do either," she lamented.
"It's fine," he said. "Don't worry about it."
She fretted with her hands. "But it's not fine," she said quietly. "It's not fine at all."
He didn't respond, instead drifting off to sleep.

[Bagheera]

As promised, here's the Asuka/Touji scene. I'm mostly happy with it, so please let me know what you think!

September 16, 2018

(click to show/hide)

September 16, 2018

Asuka scowled at the face that met her when she opened her door. "What do you want?" she demanded.
Touji held up his hands in a warding gesture. "Take it easy, Soryu," he said. "I'm not here to fight."
Asuka's cocked her head, hand on hip. "Yeah, so?"
"Horaki sent me," he said.
Asuka eyed him suspiciously. "Hikari's not that dumb."
He didn't reply. He just looked off to the side, a faraway look in his eyes.
She'd seen that look before. "Eva?" she asked.
He responded with a jerky nod.
"I see, " she said. She frowned for a moment, then stepped aside. "Come on in, then."

She didn't give him tea or anything, and he didn't ask. "I sometimes forget you were a pilot too, even if it was only just that once."
He nodded. "I never wanted to do it," he mumbled. "Damn things freaked me out, even then. Ayanami was always banged up because of them, and Shinji just got worse and worse as time went on. Even you, at the end . . . " he trailed off.
"Yeah," she agreed.
"I have nightmares about it. I don't even remember all of the details, but they're so fuckin' horrible."
She laughed ruefully. "Yeah," she said. "I know."
"I asked Shinji about it once, but he didn't seem to get it. He kept talking about things he'd done, not the angels. I don't get it, man. He piloted more than any of us."
She shrugged. "That part of it just didn't hit him as hard, I guess."
"Huh." He was silent for a few moments. "The worst part of it," he said, touching his head, "is the way it got inside my head. It was inside me, man! This thing, this . . . something other, something not me, just pried me open like a can opener and started rooting around inside. That's what I remember, what I dream about every night. That feeling of being torn open, of having something sick and twisted stick itself inside of me, of--" he stopped. She was staring at him oddly. "What? What is it?"
She caught herself, shook her head. "Nothing," she said. "It's just, Shinji never described it like that. I know he had contact with the angels, but when he talks about it he describes it more as ordinary conversations. Even though he was freaked out by the situation, that sense of violation is never there." She met his gaze. "But for me, it happened exactly like you describe. I felt the angel rip into my mind, defiling me, and I felt the evas tear me apart when they killed my . . . " she stopped. "Anyway, I felt it. And it was horrible. I couldn't do anything to stop it, and I couldn't even zone out or anything, since it was in my head."
"I don't feel safe anywhere," he said.
Another laugh. "Nope," she agreed.
"Nobody understands why I'm so fucked up. They're like 'Hey, you got your leg back, right? You should be happy!' and 'You're a man, aren't you? Suck it up and deal!' But how am I supposed to do that, huh? What the fuck am I supposed to do when it won't go away?"
She frowned. "I hadn't thought about it like that," she said. "I guess it'd be harder to find help since you're a guy, huh?"
"It sucks, man." He rubbed his eyes with the backs of his hands. "Everyone thinks guys have it so great, and in a lot of ways we do." He sighed. "But we're assholes to one another, man. We're always competing, always trying to outdo one another, never allowed to show any weakness . . . and then when something like this happens no one knows what to do, and no one wants to deal with it. They just want us to be big, strong men and get over it." He scowled. "Well, sorry, but being a big, strong man doesn't do me any damn good here. I can't fucking do anything!" he waved his arms in frustration.
"I get it from the other end," she said. "I'm so strung out all the time that just about anything will set me off, which means I'm always treating Shinji like shit when I don't mean to," she said, a sad smile on her face. "But at least he's tough enough to take it. Everyone else just thinks I'm a bitch, and even when they know how messed up I am they still just want me to go away. And the ones who get past that just look at me with pity; I'm damaged goods, mentally and physically, and who would want a scarred woman with mental problems? It makes me want to scream sometimes."
"Yeah." He let out a slow breath and sat back. "How the fuck do you cope, Soryu? I'm running out of ideas here."
She laughed, a touch of hysteria in her voice. "What makes you think I do?" He looked at her in puzzlement. "Suzuhara, I'd be dead ten times over if it weren't for Shinji. Every time I think about doing it he says or does some stupid ass thing that makes me reconsider and press on." She grimaced. "Sometimes, I really wish he wouldn't."
"Don't say that, man," he admonished. "He's just looking out for you."
"Yeah," she said, voice laced with sarcasm, "because this is so much better, right?" She shook her head, then added, "Sorry. I know he's trying his best, but even so."
Touji let it go. "So, you're saying I should lean on Horaki, then? She doesn't really understand, but . . . "
"Not just her. I have Shinji, but I also have Hikari and Misato. I need all of them to get by. And in your case, Shinji won't give you that macho bullshit you were talking about, right? Heck, even that weasel Aida should be helpful here."
Touji snorted. "He still doesn't get why piloting wouldn't be the greatest thing ever. Mental trauma isn't really his field."
"That's probably a good thing, actually."
Touji frowned in confusion. "What do you mean?"
She shrugged. "Well, he's kinda upbeat, right? Use that to your advantage. Lean on Hikari and Shinji for the heavy stuff, and let him pull you up when it gets bad. Distractions help, and he seems to be really good at providing those."
"Yeah," he agreed. "Yeah, I guess that's true." He scowled. "Assuming he ever comes back."
"You can talk to me, too, if you want," she said, her tone indifferent.
He balked. "I thought we hated each other."
She shrugged. "You gonna start taking dirty pictures of me again?"
He flushed. "Of course not! That was just kid stuff!"
She narrowed her eyes. "Ask Hikari what she thinks about that 'kid stuff'. Hell, ask any girl in our class. What you did was a crime, you moron."
He squeezed his eyes shut, cringing in defeat. "I know that, alright? It's not like I'd ever do it again."
"Hmph," she scoffed. "Just so you understand."
"Fine, fine," he said.
"But anyway," she went on, "what we're talking about here kinda trumps all that juvenile bullshit. As long as you're not a fuckin' retard all the time I have no issue with helping you out when you need it. And anyway, it'd make the idiot happy, so there's that, too."
"Okay, fine," he laughed. "I can live with that. Thanks."
She shrugged. "Whatever."
There was an awkward pause.
"Suzuhara," she growled.
"Yes?" he asked, nervous.
She narrowed her eyes. "Was there anything else?"
"Er . . . " He stopped to think about it. "Not really."
She snarled. "Then what the fuck are you still doing in my home?"
"Geez, Soryu--" he began.
"Beat it!" she exclaimed.
He headed for the door. "I'm going, I'm going." He stepped outside. "You know, it wouldn't kill you to--" He stopped when the door slammed in his face. He shook his head with a laugh and said, "Aw man, that girl." He stuck his hands in his pockets and turned to head home.

[Bagheera]

Cello, pt. 2. I'm mostly satisfied with this, though I think the ending is far too upbeat given the time period. But whatever -- they have to have some ups to balance out the downs, or they'll just give up and slit their throats within a week. So fuck it, I'm running with it. Enjoy.

March 14, 2016

(click to show/hide)

March 14, 2016

Asuka entered the kitchen, finding Shinji there. "You weren't there when I woke up," she said. She sounded hurt.
Shinji didn't turn around. "Sorry," he mumbled.
"You weren't there yesterday, either," she said.
He shrugged. "I can't be looking after you all the time."
Asuka narrowed her eyes. "That's not what I'm talking about. I already apologized for what I said, didn't I?"
He sighed. "I know you did. And I said it's fine, didn't I?"
"You're still mad," she said, hurt.
"I'm not mad." He sounded mad.
"You're acting like you're mad," she said.
"I'm not mad!" he exclaimed. "I just . . . don't know what to do. "
She scowled. "So you're just given up? That's even worse!"
He shrugged again, sulking. "Sorry to be such a disappointment."
She was quiet for a bit. Then, "You were doing fine before."
He laughed. "I don't think so."
She made a frustrated noise. "Why won't you let me fix things?"
He turned around, his face a mask of misery. "I'm gonna go outside for a bit," he said, heading toward the door. "I'll be back later."
Her fingers tangled in her hair, pulling at it in desperation. "What the hell am I gonna do?" she mumbled.

It took some time, but eventually she came to a decision. She turned on the house's computer terminal and started looking around online; A lot of the internet was down due to Third Impact, but a surprising amount of it had survived intact. Enough, at least, for her to find maps and a directory. She found a likely candidate near the outskirts of town, near the Hakone blast radius, and figured a route to get there. She estimated it would be about an hour each way. She packed a small backpack with food and water, and then headed outside.

As it turned out, her estimate was somewhat conservative; she got there in a little over forty five minutes. This appeared to be the right place. It was wrecked, just like he said, and there were a bunch of instruments lying around the store. It didn't take long for her to find Shinji's cello, still in its case. Per her suggestion to Shinji, she wrote a note for the owner. It was in hiragana, and it probably made her sound like a child, but whatever. That was the least of her problems at the moment.
Getting it back to the apartment proved to be a chore. The instrument itself wasn't the problem -- it was a pretty good model, and as such weighed less than three kilograms. The problem was the case, which also contained the bow, some music, and various other items. All told it weighed some fifteen kilos, nearly half of her body weight.
She tried towing it at first -- it had wheels -- but quickly found that to be cumbersome. The case also had straps, allowing it to be carried on the back like a backpack, but that meant carrying the thing's full weight. It also meant the case hit her in the thighs as she walked, which was annoying and forced her to adjust her pace. She ultimately decided on a combined approach, towing it on pavement and other smooth surfaces and carrying it over rubble or uneven ground.
Halfway home she stopped to rest. "I really hope that idiot appreciates this," she grumped, taking a swig of water. She sighed. "'I just wanted to do something nice for you,'" she mocked. She shook her head. "What a fucking idiot." She sighed again, hauled the cello onto her back, and trudged on.
By the time she got back to the apartment she was hot, sweaty, and ill-tempered. She banged loudly on the door. "Shinji, you idiot, get out here and help me!" She waited a bit, but there was no response. She banged again. "I swear to God, Shinji, if you make me dig out my keys to get in I'm gonna be pissed. Help me out here!"
Shinji opened the door. He looked irritated, but when he caught sight of her his ire turned to amazement. "Asuka . . . you . . . what did you . . . "
She ignored him, opting instead to shove the cello in his direction. "Here. It's your problem now." She stomped inside and collapsed in a chair, drinking heavily from her water bottle.
He took the case in hand by reflex, still utterly baffled by the situation. "But you said you didn't even want to hear it--"
"I never said that, you moron. I said I thought it was stupid, that's all. I don't really care if you play it or not."
He blinked in confusion, and began wheeling the cello into the living room. "But if that's true, why did you go to the trouble of bringing it here?"
She huffed in frustration. "Are you stupid?" His mouth worked, but no sound came out. She closed her eyes and forced herself to calm down. "You were moping around like a brain dead moron," she said. "You weren't paying attention to me, and you wouldn't believe me when I said I was sorry, so I had to do something to get your attention."
He shook his head. "But you don't even like it when I--"
She screamed in annoyance and stomped her foot. "Stop it!" she yelled. "Stop being stupid! God, you can be such an idiot sometimes!" He stared back at her blankly. She took another swig of water." I can't explain everything to you, dumbass. Just work it out."
Shinji scratched his head and thought about it. He still didn't get it, but this was obviously important to her. "Well then . . . is it okay if I play something?"
She clenched her fists, suddenly very angry. "Why the hell are you even asking me that? Haven't we been over this? You don't need my permission to do something you like! Jeez! If you want to play, play! You don't have to ask me if it's okay!"
He shook his head. "No, I didn't mean . . . what I meant was, would it bother you?"
She went still. All at once her anger had evaporated. "Oh," she said. "Well, that's different. I don't really c--" She caught herself. "I mean, it's fine," she murmured. "Do as you please."

"That's not the same one you played before, is it?" she asked.
He shook his head. "No, this is from an anime that aired before Second Impact. The original version used a full orchestra, and there was an a cappella version, too. But later on they came out with a cello version, and I really liked it. That store had the sheet music for it, so I figured I might as well grab it."
"Huh." She stroked her chin in thought. "I didn't put anything about that in the note."
He frowned. "How did you write that, anyway? I thought you couldn't--"
She scowled. "I'm bad with kanji, dumbass. I'm not illiterate."
He laughed. "Sorry, sorry." He leaned forward, giving her an expectant look. "Did you like it?" he asked.
She shrugged. "It was fine." She frowned in thought. "It was better than the other one," she added. "That one was kinda boring."
He gave her a stupefied look. "Did you just call Bach boring?"
She stuck out her chin. "What of it?"
He narrowed his eyes. "You do realize he was German, right?"
She flushed, then scowled at him. "You shouldn't make fun of a girl when she's complimenting your music, you jerk!"
He just laughed at her.
"I mean seriously," she grumbled.
He smiled thoughtfully. "In fairness, that's a piece that changes a lot depending on who's playing it. Cellists use it to practice -- it's pretty easy to learn, but someone who's really good can do lots of neat things with it." He laughed self-consciously. "But, ah, I'm not really all that good as a cellist, so I guess the way I play it is kinda boring."
She shrugged. "I thought it was fine."
He smiled at the compliment. "Thanks." After a moment, his smile turned into a frown. "I still don't understand what I'm supposed to do, though." He stared at the floor, bracing himself for her inevitable rebuke. When it didn't come, he chanced a sidelong glance at her.
She was playing with her hair, eyes narrowed in thought. After a time she said, "You aren't supposed to do anything, dummy." She met his gaze, and gave him a weak smile. "You keep acting like there's some magic formula that will fix everything, and all you have to do is figure out what it is. But that isn't true. You can't change what happened, and you can't change what you did, any more than I can change what I did to you. And you don't have to. You really don't. All I want you to do is be there, so I can lean on you when I need to while I work on fixing myself."
He stared at her intently, trying to process what she had said. She could almost see the gears turning in his head.
She huffed in irritation. "Do you understand what I said?"
He nodded uncertainly. "I think so. Maybe?"
"Whatever," she mumbled. "I'm tired. I'm going to bed."
He nodded. "Okay."
She got a change of clothes and headed for the bathroom. She stopped when she reached the door. "You'll be there when I wake up, right?"
He nodded. "I'll be there."
She turned and headed into the bathroom without another word.

Next: Last Saturday Night. Oh ho. Oh ho ho.

[Bagheera]

This fic has gotten stupid large. Also, this is the longest scene yet, which means it's actually a proper length. So hooray, I guess? I'll probably be editing it -- I've only made a single pass through it so far -- but I wanted to get this out there for y'all to chew on. Some notes:

• Dr. Okada, per Japanese convention, refers to people by their family names. His use of "Mr." or "Miss" parallels the article "san", and when he refers to Shinji as "Ikari" it should be read as "Ikari-kun". If there is a better way to handle this please let me know. Also let me know if I slipped up anywhere -- he shouldn't ever be calling Asuka or Shinji by their given names, and as I noted he should never call Shinji "Mr. Ikari".
• As I've noted elsewhere, I really hate psychologists who are portrayed as cold and detached, and this is especially common in Evangelion fics. They aren't like that. They need to cultivate an atmosphere of trust and openness, and that means they need to be friendly and understanding. In that respect Dr. Okada is similar to most therapists I've met -- professional and detached, but open and good humored. I hope this came across well.
• I think the flow of the piece works pretty well; I tried not to be repetitive, and I tried not to get too bogged down in details. If it works, tell me. If it doesn't work, tell me that too. Just tell me what you think one way or the other.

Here we go:

June 1, 2020

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June 1, 2020

When Asuka entered Dr. Okada's office she looked bitter and defeated, and far older than a mere 18 years old. She plopped down into the chair in front of his desk, every bit the image of a sulking teenager.
The doctor regarded her with interest, stroking his bearded chin with one hand. "And how are you today, Miss Soryu?"
"Tch." She shook her head.
"I take it your night with Shinji didn't go as planned?" he mused.
Asuka glared at him, but said nothing.
He sighed. "Alright, then. Why don't you start from the beginning?"
She fidgeted awkwardly in her chair. "You told me to be careful," she mumbled. "You said I shouldn't force anything."
He nodded. "Yes, I recall saying that."
She didn't reply.
He sighed. "Are you alright?" he asked, a note of concern in his voice.
She shrugged.
He waited a beat, then asked "Do you want to talk about it?"
She brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. "We started out kissing, and that was fine. He's gotten okay at kissing." She flushed a bit. "But later, when we got undressed . . . " she sighed. "We were both so tense. He still doesn't like to be touched very much, and I just . . . froze up, I guess."
"Is that where things stopped, then?" he asked.
She shook her head. "I figured it'd be okay once we got into it. So I told him to keep going."
He cringed, but didn't comment further. "Go on," he said.
She was embarrassed now. "He was really nervous. He wanted to stop, but I wouldn't let him. And then he was inside of me, and it . . . " she trailed off.
He waited, giving her time to finish at her own pace.
" . . . It hurt. It really hurt. I told him to stop, and he did. He was really upset. Before I knew it he was gone, and a few minutes later Misato showed up. She started to panic, and I didn't get why until I looked down at her. There was . . . there was a lot of blood on the sheet." She gave him a blank stare. "I guess I bled more than usual? I mean, I thought that was normal, but she was acting like I was really injured somehow."
He nodded. "Sometimes it happens like that. It's different for everyone."
She shrugged. "I guess. Anyway, she made sure I was alright, and then asked if Shinji had hurt me or something." She scoffed. "Like he could actually do something like that."
"Well," he noted, "people can do some pretty extreme things in the heat of the moment, things that would be grossly out of character otherwise. I imagine she felt she had to rule out the possibility, for both your sakes."
She shrugged again. "Whatever. Anyway, after that she helped me clean up and change the sheets and stuff. She left after that, and Shinji came back, but he could barely even look at me. He acted like he thought he was a rapist or something." She shook her head despondently. "It'll be forever before he'll even consider doing anything like that again. And now I'm so damn mad and distracted and miserable that I can't even focus on work or studies or anything."
He frowned, then checked his notes. After a moment he said, "Last week you said, 'I want to get it over with. I'm tired of being this broken little girl, this stupid freak who can't function like a normal human being. I just want it over.' Do you remember that?"
"Yes," she admitted.
"Do you still feel that way?" he asked.
Silence.
"Miss Soryu--" he pressed.
"I don't know," she said.
"Miss Soryu, this isn't something you can resolve with brute force," he said gently. "Don't you think it's time you addressed the problem directly?"
She stared at him with trepidation in her eyes. "Just thinking about it scares the hell out of me."
He gave her a reassuring smile. "That's understandable," he said, "but your recent actions indicate a clear desire to resolve this issue. Dancing around it like this is only going to hurt you, as you've already seen."
She closed her eyes, then let out a deep, steadying breath. "Alright," she whispered. "I guess I have no choice at this point."
He nodded. "If you're certain, I'll schedule an appointment with Dr. Sakishima at her earliest convenience."
"Fine," she said.
"Alright then." He made a note in his notebook. "Let's move on. How would you characterize your relationship with Shinji now?"
She frowned in thought. "Strained."
"Is that something you'd like to talk about?"
"I don't know." She scratched her head. "He keeps acting like he did something wrong. I told him it wasn't his fault, but he won't listen."
"How did you tell him?" he asked.
She glared at him. "What does that mean?"
"Well," he began, a wry smile on his face, "did you actually discuss the issue, or did you just call him an idiot and tell him not to worry about it?"
She flinched as his remark struck home. "You act like it's as easy as talking about the weather," she mumbled.
"Of course it's difficult," he chided. "Most things of worth are."
"Tch."
He sighed, then crossed his arms. "Okay," he said patiently, "let's try another approach. How much time have you spent together since Saturday?"
She snorted. "As little as possible. Right now things are just . . . " She waved her arms in frustration. " . . . awkward."
"I see," he mused. "Yes, I'm sure avoiding one another will patch things up nicely."
She glared again, but said nothing.
"Why don't you start with something simple?" he suggested.
"Like what?" she asked.
He shrugged. "How about a date? A movie perhaps."
She eyed him incredulously. "Are you stupid? How do you expect a movie to fix this shit?" she spat.
He held up a hand. "Take it easy, Miss Soryu." She huffed and went back to studying her toenails. "Given your recent difficulties it's understandable that talking things out would be difficult at the moment. But even so, making an effort to spend time with him might help thaw things out. At the very least it would show him that you aren't angry with him."
She frowned. "I don't know. Maybe."
"Why don't you give it a try and let me know how it goes." He checked his schedule. "It looks like I have an appointment with him scheduled for later this week, so I'll see if I can help move things along on that front. Additionally, I'd like to schedule a joint session for you two sometime next week. Would you be amenable to that?"
She shrugged. "Whatever."
"Alright then." He looked at his watch. "Let's stop here for today. Unless there was anything else you wanted to talk about?"
She shook her head.
He nodded. "Very well. Be well, Miss Soryu.
She made a face, heading for the door. "Yeah, I'll get right on that."

Upcoming scenes:
??/07/2016 - Shinji and Misato, right after Asuka leaves for Kyoto
??/??/? - Shinji and Dr. Okada
??/11/2018 - Asuka and Hikari
??/??/2019 - Shinji's confession
??/??/2020 - "Soryu lives!", aka "Kensuke, what the fuck did you do?"
??/03/2021 - O-ki-na-wa!
~2022 - What the devil does Asuka do, anyway?
~2022 - Shinji's early days at Herz
~2024 - Homecoming
~2026 - Rebirth (true)

I think that's all I have planned for the moment. Stay tuned.

[Bagheera]

I tried to write out a therapy scene with Asuka's other psychologist, but quickly realized I had nothing to say. I have no experience with EMDR (or, indeed, any other technique for treating sexual trauma), and I couldn't see any other way the scene was advancing the story. So, I dropped it. This is probably for the best. As such, I've moved on to Shinji's confession! I'm sure nothing bad could possibly happen. This is probably in dire need of editing, but it's been awhile since I posted anything of substance so I've been itching to get it out there. Be prepared for serious mood whiplash.

October 13, 2019

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October 13, 2019

They were watching TV at his place when he said it. There was nothing of note to watch, of course, it being Sunday morning and all. But it was a nice way to kill time until her lunch date with Hikari. And then, out of the blue, he said it. "Asuka?" he asked.
She kept her attention on the TV. "What is it?"
He fidgeted a bit, then said, "I think I . . . like you."
She turned her head, appraising him for a moment. Then she narrowed her eyes and said, "Idiot. Don't talk about things you don't understand."
He blinked in confusion. "What do you mean?"
She snorted. "You don't even know what love is, you blockhead."
He frowned. "I don't think that's true."
"Of course it's true," she mocked. "You can't even love yourself, what on earth makes you think you can love me?"
He fidgeted. "Well . . . "
"Things are hard enough for us without you saying stupid shit like that," she went on. "What the hell were you thinking?"
"I don't . . . " Shinji sputtered, shrinking back. "I don't know," he mumbled. "I just thought it was something you'd like to hear."
"'Something I'd like to hear'," she repeated. "Yeah, that's what I figured."
Shinji's mouth worked, but no sound came out.
"Shinji," she said coldly, "do you really think I don't know what people say about me?" Her lips twisted into a mocking sneer. " 'Oh that Asuka, she's such a bitch! Can't you do something to calm her down?' That's what they say. And here you come, saying you like me, or any of the other stupid things you've been saying the past few weeks. Did you really think I wouldn't figure it out?"
He shook his head, utterly bewildered. "No, you're wrong! That's not--"
"It is!" she barked. She pointed at his crotch. "That's the only love you've ever known, and we both know how that turned out!"
Shinji went very still, remembering the horrible day and all the self-hatred that went along with it. "How can you say that?" he asked. "You know I . . . " he trailed off, unable to continue.
She took several deep breaths, trying to calm down. When she opened her eyes, She glared at him in disgust. "What we have between us is guilt and desperation, not love. I don't like it. I know you don't like it, either. But we're stuck with it. Don't make it worse for both of us by pretending it's something it's not."
He didn't respond. He just drooped, shocked into silence by her words.
She glared at him again, but held her tongue. She looked at her watch. "I gotta go meet up with Hikari." She stood up, heading for the door. "I'll see you later."
He remained silent. She glanced back at him as she left, chewing her lower lip in indecision. Then she scowled and pressed forward, closing the door behind her.

Asuka was in a foul mood when she got to the noodle shop. After ordering a bowl of udon she found Hikari, sat down, and angrily started eating.
"You seem upset," her friend observed. "Is something wrong?"
Asuka stabbed at her noodles with her chopsticks. "That brat Shinji," she replied. "He's really pissing me off lately."
"Brat?" Hikari observed.
"He had the nerve to tell me he liked me this morning," Asuka growled.
Hikari clapped her hands together in glee. "Shinji confessed? That's wonderful!"
Asuka glared at her. "Don't make me laugh," she growled.
Hikari looked confused. "What do you mean? What's wrong?"
Asuka shook her head. "He doesn't mean it, Hikari," she said. "He's just as fucked up as I am, he doesn't know how to love another person." She scowled. "He's such a wimp. People complain about me being a bitch all the time, and lately he's been offering me silly bits of praise just to keep me under control." She fiercely attacked her noodles. "If only he'd stand up for himself. Or me! So what if I piss people off? He knows what it's like, he should stick up for me anyway. But no, he just wants to avoid causing a fuss. Can't have people upset at him or anything, oh no."
Hikari gave her a skeptical look. "I don't think that's true, Asuka."
"Of course it's true," she spat. She stared at the table mounfully, dragging her fingers through her hair. "Why couldn't he just leave well enough alone? We were doing okay for a while there, and now he has to start all of this shit." She clenched a fist. "It makes me so mad!"
Hikari raised her hands, urging Asuka to calm down. "Now wait," she began. "Did he actually say anything like that?"
"He didn't have to," Asuka said. "He wouldn't know subtlety if he tripped over it, so it's obvious."
Hikari didn't reply, instead watching in silence as Asuka devoured her food.
"I'm gonna get another bowl," Asuka mumbled.
"Okay." Soon after Asuka left, Touji Suzuhara entered the shop. Hikari waved at him. "Hi Touji!"
Touji walked over to the table, smiling at his girlfriend all the while. "Hey, 'Kari." He glanced over at Asuka. "How's the demon doing?"
Hikari scowled. "You better not call her that to her face, Touji. She's in a really bad mood today."
They didn't get any farther before Asuka returned. She gave Touji a tight glare as she sat down. "What the hell are you doing here?" she growled.
Touji gave her a mocking smile. "Love you too, Soryu."
Asuka slammed down her bowl and stabbed a finger in Touji's direction. "Don't you start with me, Suzuhara. I've already had enough of that shit from Shinji today, and if you push me I'll make you sorry, peace treaty or no."
Touji shot Hikari an inquiring look. "Shinji confessed to her this morning," she explained.
Touji looked back at Asuka, puzzled. "And that's bad?"
Asuka slammed her fist on the table and glared at Touji.
"She doesn't think he means it," Hikari explained. "She thinks it's an act or something, to make sure she doesn't cause anyone any trouble."
"That's exactly it!" Asuka insisted. "If you could only see the way he acts toward me . . . " She gritted her teeth, then dug into her second bowl.
Touji frowned. "Uh, Soryu . . . "
She shot him a glare that promised death if he continued.
He shifted uncomfortably. "Look, you know I'm not exactly your biggest fan and all, but I think you're kinda off base here."
"Then you're an idiot," she spat.
He shook his head. "No, seriously, what you're saying doesn't make sense. I spend more time with the guy than anyone, apart from you I guess, and he never talks about you embarrassing him or anything. He just wants to make you happy."
"Of course he does," she snarled. "If he makes me happy he'll get praise, and then he'll feel like he's worth a damn. Same old Shinji."
Touji and Hikari shared a look. "Asuka," Hikari began, "that's a really cynical way to look at it."
Asuka didn't look up. "What are you talking about?" she asked.
"Well," Hikari hedged, "it's true that he's always a little concerned or upset when he's talking about you, since that's just the way you two are . . . "
Asuka made a face, but didn't comment.
" . . . but even so, when he talks about something good that happened between you two his face just lights up, like he--"
"Yeah!" Touji interrupted. "He'll get this stupid grin on his face, like he's the happiest guy on Earth."
Hikari nodded.
Asuka looked up. "That's . . . that's insane." She glared at them. "You guys are just defending him!"
Touji scoffed. "You think it's just us?" he asked, incredulous.
Asuka looked at Hikari. Hikari blushed a little, then said, "Everyone knows about it." She laughed nervously. "It's, ah . . . it's kinda obvious."
Asuka shook her head, wide-eyed. "No, he's just . . . I mean, it's Shinji, he . . ." She looked from Hikari to Touji and back again. "Everyone?" she asked.
"Well . . . " Hikari hedged. She glanced at Touji, then shrugged.
Asuka went still, considering. All at once, the full weight of the morning's events hit her like a ton of bricks. Her fingers slackened, her chopsticks falling to the floor.
"Asuka?" Hikari asked, concerned. "Are you alright?"
Asuka leaned forward, cradling her head in her hands.
"Asuka?" Hikari asked again. "Asuka!"
Asuka slowly turned her head to face her friend. "Hikari, I think I might have made a huge mistake."
Hikari gave Touji a telling look, and he got up to leave without another word. Hikari moved her chair next to Asuka's and put a comforting arm around her friend's shoulders. "It will be alright," she soothed. "We'll get Shinji here and get this all sorted out."
Asuka didn't reply. She just sat there, hands tangled in her hair, feeling her world falling to pieces around her.

Shinji glowered at Touji as they approached the noodle shop. "Why are we doing this again?" he grumbled. "It's not like it'll change anything."
Touji frowned. "I don't know if it will or not, but you didn't see her earlier. She's really messed up."
Shinji glowered. "Like that's news. She's always messed up, same as me."
"I know but . . . " Touji scratched his head. "We gotta do something, y'know? I mean, it's not like we think we can fix your problems or anything, but we gotta at least try."
Shinji just shrugged. "Fine, whatever." They reached the noodle shop, and he let his friend lead him inside.
The girls were in the back, just as before. Shinji wasn't sure what he'd expected to find when he got there, but the miserable girl in front of him wasn't it. She looked defeated, like someone who'd realized she'd lost and had resigned herself to her fate. She didn't say anything, to him or anyone else. She just stared off into space, as if in a daze.
Shinji gave her a concerned look, then frowned. He turned to leave. "I'm going home," he said.
Hikari stood up. "Shinji, wait! Asuka wants to apologize."
Asuka gave her a hollow laugh. "It's too late," she rasped. "An apology won't take back what I said."
Hikari stared at her owlishly. "You have to try though, don't you?" Hikari looked at both of them uncertainly, the severity of the situation unmistakable.
Shinji sat down, regarding Asuka with a mixture of hurt and anger. His fingers twitched, before closing into a fist. "You need to start listening to what I say," he said softly. "I may be an idiot, but I know how I feel. Better than you do, anyway."
She nodded.
"I don't mind being hurt sometimes," he went on. "That doesn't mean I like it, but I can deal with it. It means you're being honest with me and I appreciate that. But this morning, you went too far."
"I know," she said.
He leaned on the table. "When you got back from Kyoto, you said you wanted to be friends with me. Don't you remember that?"
Asuka's eyes were watering. "Yes."
"Is this how you treat your friends?" His voice was tinged with anger. "Are things really so terrible between us that you would say something like that?"
She squeezed her eyes shut, tears rolling down her face, and shook her head. "I'm sorry," she said. "I--"
"That doesn't help," he said. "If that's how you really feel . . . "
Asuka was sobbing now. Hikari put a comforting arm around her and shot Shinji a disapproving frown. "That's enough, Shinji."
He stared at Asuka, hurt and confused and ashamed. A few moments later he stood, and turned to leave. "Fine," he said. "I'll see you later, then." He left the noodle shop, leaving the crying girl in his wake.

It was dark when Asuka got home. She entered, and found him watching TV. "I'm home," she said.
He nodded at her. "Welcome back," he replied. His tone was subdued.
She joined him in front of the TV. She sat down and pulled her knees up to her chest. She looked at him several times, chewing her lip as she tried to think of something to say. The silence between them stretched on for several minutes. He looked . . . resigned. It wasn't surprising, really; the situation was what it was, and he was very good at coping. Asuka squeezed her eyes shut, suppressing a shudder as she replayed the morning's events in her mind. She took a deep breath, and slowly began speaking. "I just couldn't believe that you felt that way about me," she said, her voice low. "I have so many problems, and I'm such a nasty bitch sometimes," she went on. She smiled a self-deprecating smile. "Well, most of the time, I guess." She laughed awkwardly. "And I'm not even all that pretty anymore, thanks to these stupid scars. I couldn't imagine anyone would feel that way about me. So I just assumed . . . " she shrugged.
"I know," he said. "It's fine."
She narrowed her eyes. "Don't say that. It makes you seem like a doormat."
He shrugged. "Sorry."
She scowled. "And don't start that again!" She turned to stare at the TV. "Why would you even feel that way about me, anyway?"
"Who cares?" he asked. "It's not like it matters anyway."
"It matters!" she exclaimed. "It matters to me, anyway."
He looked at her, then at the floor. He frowned, considering. "In the beginning all I felt was guilt, just like you said. I felt horrible for what had happened to you, and I didn't do anything to stop it." He looked back at her. "But a lot's happened since then. There's so much more to it now."
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"Well . . . " he took his chin in hand. "Things were really hard for us after Third Impact. Even when we weren't fighting, there were still the dreams, and just trying to get by. It was so awful."
"Yeah." Asuka smiled ruefully, hard pressed to disagree.
"But no matter how hard it got," he went on, "you endured. You were so fierce and strong, and even when you used it against me I still admired that strength."
Asuka scowled. "What does that have to do with anything?"
But Shinji ignored her, caught up in his memories. "And it wasn't always bad!" he said. "We had good days, too. Sometimes we'd find a really good stash of food, or . . . " he brightened. "The cello! You remembeer the cello, right?"
She flushed a bit. "Yeah."
"You went to so much trouble to bring it back, to fix things." He smiled at her fondly. "You have no idea how much that meant to me."
She shifted uncomfortably. "Well, I had to do something . . . "
"And after that," he went on, "well . . . why wouldn't I start to like you? Isn't that natural in that sort of situation?
She was beet red at this point. "How would I know?" she mumbled.
"We were fighting a lot when Misato found us," he went on, "so all I felt at that point was frustration. But then, when you went to Kyoto . . . " he shook his head. "After things settled down a bit I was really worried about you. I never heard anything about what was going on, so I didn't know if you were getting better or not. All I knew was that I wasn't there to look after you, and that was really important to me for some reason. And I never really figured out what any of that meant." He thought for a moment, then shrugged. "But then you came back, and we talked about everything, and I just . . . stopped hurting so much. I started thinking about you without having to worry that something terrible would happen, and . . . " He turned toward her, looking at her in earnest. "No one's been saying you're terrible, Asuka. At least not to me. And if they did I wouldn't listen to them. The only reason I've been saying those things is because they're true. I just . . . well, you already know I'm an idiot," he said, blushing.
She giggled.
He coughed. "Well, anyway, that's how I feel."
Asuka chewed her lip, considering. "If that's the case, then I guess I have to . . . have to accept."
"Huh?" he asked, puzzled.
"Your confession," she explained. "That's how it works, right? You confess, I accept."
He blinked a bit at the breathy tone in her voice, then relaxed. "Oh, that," he said. He crossed his arms with a smirk. "Actually, I take it back."
She jerked back. "What?" she asked. "Whaaaat?" she went on. "You can't do that!"
"I don't think there's any rule against it," he said, deadpan.
"You just got done explaining why you like me," she said. "You can't take it back now!"
He harumphed, and stuck out his chin. "Just because I have strong feelings for you doesn't mean I think dating you would be a good idea."
"But you . . . you stupid . . . " she fumed. "Shinji, you brat! That doesn't even make sense!"
"It makes sense to me," he said, sulking. "And besides," he went on, his voice tinged with bitter disappointment, "it's not like you share my feelings, anyway."
She licked her lips, scrambling to recover. "Now, just--hold on a minute, Shinji. Let's not be hasty here."
He looked at her through narrowed eyes. "You weren't exactly unclear about your feelings this morning, you know."
"Well . . . " she trailed off.
"You said--" he began.
"I know what I said!" she shouted. She twiddled her index fingers nervously. "But even so, a lot has happened since then, and I just . . . I just . . . " Her hands shot down to her sides. "I don't want you to take it back!"
He regarded her with mute incredulity. "Are you for real?" he asked.
She crossed her legs, planting her hands in her lap. "Hmph," she said, chin up with all the pride she could muster. She looked at him sidelong, then looked away quickly.
He stared at her in wonder for a couple of beats, then finally gave in. "Fine," he sighed. "If that's what you want."
She nodded. "That's what I want."
"Fine."
"Good."
"Alright."
"Good!"
He turned back to the TV. He watched for a few minutes, then said, "You're impossible."
"Shut up, stupid Shinji," she replied. She sidled up next to him, leaning on him as they watched the TV together.

Comments gratefully accepted.

Up next:
09/2018: Why Asuka didn't go back to Germany
09/2018: Why Hello, Dr. Hachijyo! Let me introduce you to a wounded tiger. Careful, she bites.
04/2019: A mother's work, aka Asuka learns the truth about Yui Ikari

Along with the stuff I've mentioned previously. No idea which is coming next, actually; have to see where my mood takes me.

[Bagheera]

Okay, edits! The very first scene has been edited a bit, as I didn't like the ending. The most recent scene has also been edited, but only to remove the last line -- too saccharine for my tastes. And, as noted, the OCs' names have changed. Here's what I've got:

Dr. Okada has become Dr. Shiori Okada -- "Okada" in the real world is the president of Gainax. "Shiori" means "flowing" or "bending" -- appropriate for a general therapist who tries different approaches to help people, and suggestive of rivers  and water in general.
Dr. Sakishima has become Dr. Manaka Sakishima -- Both names are from Nagi no Asukara, an anime with deep ties to the sea.
Dr. Kobayashi has become Dr. Kotetsu -- the Kotetsu was an Imperial era battleship, a relic of the past.
Prof. Nakamura has become Prof. Hibiki Kohaku -- "Hibiki" is a research vessel in the modern Japanese fleet. Kohaku is just a name I liked.

Ironically, I think I got it closer to Anno's actual methodology by saying "fuck it"; many of his names, including Shinji's, are not for boats. It's obvious I just need to relax and name people as I like.

The naming pattern will be obvious to anyone who cares to Google the names, so have at it. It will take awhile to post all the edits, so please bear with me.

Oh yeah, new scene. It's very rough, and probably needs to be edited/expanded, but whatever, I think it does what it needs to do:

September 14, 2018

(click to show/hide)

September 14, 2018

Misato found her in the apartment complex's common area, sitting at a table with her head on folded arms. "There you are, Asuka," she said, by way of greeting. "I've been looking everywhere for you."
Asuka didn't bother raising her head. "If you'd looked everywhere you would have found me by now," she observed.
Misato laughed self-consciously. "Oh yeah, I guess that's true." She sat down across from the girl and folded her hands before her on the table. She twiddled her thumbs, trying to think of the best way to broach the topic at hand.
Asuka tolerated the silence for a bit, then said "Well?"
Misato smiled innocently. "Well what?"
Asuka raised her head and scowled at her one-time guardian. "You aren't being Ms. Nicey Nice, trying to make me feel better or whatever, so that means you have something to say. And since you're nervous about it, that means it's probably something I won't like. Get on with it."
Misato flinched, then sighed and gave in. "You're very clever, Asuka."
"Tch."
Misato nodded and began. "As you may recall, your father returned while you were in Kyoto. He and the German government have been inquiring about your return to Germany. I've been able to stall them for the time being, citing your health concerns, but now that you've checked yourself out of the hospital I have to give them an answer."
Asuka frowned. "So you're sending me back."
Misato shook her head. "I didn't say that."
Asuka crossed her arms and leaned back. "You just got done saying how clever I am, so don't insult my intelligence."
Misato shot her a frosty glare. "Don't let your bitterness and anger cloud your judgement. The fact of the matter is that I have no intention of sending you anywhere you don't want to go."
"Whatever." Asuka shook her head. "It's not like you have any say in the matter, anyway. I'm a minor, and--"
"You're a minor who's in my legal custody, and that's the way it's going to stay until we decide otherwise."
Asuka scoffed at her. "Oh, please. How would that even work?"
Misato smiled mildly. "Bluntly, the Germans have no claim on you, since you're an American citizen, and I'm not exactly convinced your father has your best interests at heart." She folded her arms, resting her elbows on the table as she leaned forward. "But we're getting ahead of ourselves, here. Before we get to the how and the why of it, you need to answer one simple question."
Asuka cocked her head in curiosity.
"Do you want to go back, or not?"
Asuka just stared at her incredulously, then shook her head and once again crossed her arms. She looked out the window and was silent for a few moments. "All I ever had there was Eva," she murmured. "Father ignored me, my stepmother never wanted me around, and I never had any friends since I was always training and stuff. And now, with my Eva gone, with my . . . mama gone . . . " She rubbed her eyes with the backs of her hands. "There's nothing there for me now," she said. "I'm just a failure to them, why would they even want me back?"
Misato smiled sadly. "Maybe your father wants to reconnect with you. It's possible--"
"I didn't even see him in Instrumentality," Asuka interrupted. "I saw you, and Mr. Kaji, and Shinji, and Mama, and lots of others, but not him. Not my stepmother, either. Isn't that strange?"
"I don't think it's strange at all," Misato said reassuringly. "We're the ones you're close to, and that's what seemed to matter in Instrumentality."
"Hmmm," Asuka said absently. She was playing with her hair, deep in thought. Presently, she looked Misato squarely in the eye and said, "I don't want to go back. I don't . . . I don't know what I'm going to do here, but I don't want to go back."
Misato nodded. "Alright, then. That's fine. You're welcome here as long as want to stay with us, and I really mean that."
Asuka gave her a dubious look, then said, "But even so, how can you possibly think this will work? If they want me back--"
"Let me worry about the details, okay?" Misato said with a grin. "This is just politics to them, really; as soon as they realize they'll have to fight to get you back they'll leave it alone."
Asuka snorted. "Figures."
Misato's expression softened. "But you really should consider your father's position," she said. She held up a hand to stave off the girl's indignation. "Believe me, Asuka, I understand how you feel. I resented my father for years for many of the same reasons you resent yours. And I regret that now, since there's no way for me to repair things with him. But your father's alive, Asuka. That gives you options, some of them very precious. Please remember that."
Asuka looked at her guardian thoughtfully, but said nothing in response.
"What is it, Asuka?" Misato asked.
"Nothing, really," Asuka mused. "It just occurred to me that you've done more for me in the past week than they have for my entire life."
Misato beamed at her for a moment, but her face fell as the implications of Asuka's words sank in. All of a sudden she felt a crushing wave of sympathy for the girl in front of her. She took Asuka's hand in her own and said, "I'll take care of you, Asuka. I promise."
Asuka took her hand back. "We'll see," she said.

Next scene: Asuka learns the nitty gritty about Yui Ikari. IOW, EXPOSITION. Might or might not involve Dr. Hibiki, Misato, Fuyutsuki, others.

Also, I really need to do a few scenes without Asuka. Because, holy shit man, you'd think the world revolved around her or something in this fic. That isn't my intent, but biases are what they are. 

[Bagheera]

So, Asuka told me to fuck off for awhile. Said she was tired or something. Anyway, I saw the fourth chapter of Afterwards... by Paul Hodges (pwhodges at EvaGeeks) and got to thinking about how I think Shinji would handle that, and how his victim should respond. So, now we have a bit with Touji! I'm going with that spelling of his name for now, since it feels right for some reason. No telling if it will stick. As for the chapter, it's short. I can't tell if that means it's inadequate or just wonderfully dense with information. Maybe both, maybe neither. Maybe you can tell me! Anyway, here goes:

August 26, 2016

(click to show/hide)

August 26, 2016

Shinji was exiting the shower when he heard a knock on the door. He cursed, wrapping the towel around him. He headed for the door. "Who could that be?" he wondered.
He was not prepared for the face that greeted him when he opened the door. "Touji!" he exclaimed.
Touji gave hm a wistful smile. "Heya, Shin-man," he said, somewhat subdued. "How ya doin'?"
"I-" Shinji stammered. "I'm . . . "
Touji smirked. "Spit it out, dummy."
"I . . . please come in!" Shinji bowed and moved away from the doorway.
Touji chuckled and stepped inside. Shinji just stared him for a few moments, then said, " I . . . I gotta get dressed."
"Sure," Touji laughed. "Take your time."
Shinji left for a bit, then returned fully dressed. He looked at Touji, still shocked by the latter's presence. "How did you find me?" he asked.
Touji laughed. "It wasn't hard," he said. "When I came out there were people there to meet me, and I said I was a friend of yours. They told Miss Misato, and she told me how to find you. So I came here as soon as I could." He blushed a little. "Well, after I tracked down Hikari, that is."
Shinji brightened. "Miss Horaki's here? She's alive?"
Touji nodded. "Yep! She's fine. Her sisters are too." He grinned. "And so is Sakura, in case you're wondering."
Shinji smiled, delighted. "Thank goodness," he said. His face fell, a tidal wave of guilt engulfing him as the memories took hold. "I'm sorry I never came to see you," he said, his voice cracking. "After what happened I couldn't . . . I couldn't face you, and . . . " He stopped, frowning in confusion as he looked his friend over. "Your leg," he whispered. "It's . . . "
Touji looked at his leg, laughing lightly. "Yeah," he said. "Pretty cool, huh?" He looked back at Shinji. "It's weird, though; the leg's fine, but there's a scar where it was originally cut off. Kinda freaks me out."
Shinji nodded. "It's the same with Asuka," he said. "She has scars around her eye, and down her arm, and on her stomach. She's," he blushed, "she's really self-conscious about them."
"Heh," Touji said. "Guess that makes sense. Sucks though."
"Yeah." Shinji gulped, then looked at his friend. He bowed deeply. "I'm so sorry! That was all my fault. If only I had done something . . . " He righted himself, clenching his fists. "I always run away! And when I do, something terrible happens. To you, to Asuka, to Ayanami . . . everyone always suffers because of me!"
Touji just stared at him. "What are you talking about?" he asked, baffled.
Shinji blinked in confusion.
"You weren't the one who infected me with an Angel," his friend went on. "You were just a kid, Shinji. I mean, you didn't even know who was piloting the Eva, right? You just didn't want to hurt anyone. And then you were in this impossible situation, and you just . . . froze up. How was that your fault?"
Shinji scowled. "Asuka says the same thing," he said.
Touji blinked, surprised. "Really?" he asked. He scratched his head. "Huh. Well, she's right."
Shinji shook his head. "But I should have done something! I should have--"
Touji held up a hand. "Look man, it's no big deal. I mean yeah, maybe you should have done something, but so what? Maybe if you had things would have been worse. Who knows? Either way I'm not gonna blame you for what happened. The Angel's responsible for that, not you."
Shinji sulked. "Even so . . . " he said.
Touji scowled. "Look," he growled, "I didn't come here to argue with you. We gonna hit the arcade, or what?"
Shinji blinked at him, stunned. Then he grinned. "Sure!" he said.
Touji jerked his head to the door. "Alright then, let's go."
Shinji nodded, following his friend out the door.

Next: Hopefully Dr. Okada and Misato, AKA War Crimes. Look forward to it!

[Bagheera]

Asuka: Here, do this one. There's a lot to work with there.
Bagheera: What? I thought you said you were tired.
A: Never mind that. Just do it.
B: I believe your exact words were "Fuck off, I'm tired."
A: Are you actually arguing with me?
B: . . .
A: Well?
B: Shinji's right, you're impossible.
A: Heh.

Misato and the good doctor will have to wait, I guess. So it goes. Not sure about the date on this one; it feels like it should be a couple months later along, but OTOH Hikari really should show up sometime in the week after Asuka gets back from Kyoto, so whatever. I guess it works whenever.

September 12, 2018

(click to show/hide)

September 12, 2018

"Bye Akemi! Bye Kaneko!" Hikari said, waving at her classmates. "See you tomorrow!" She turned to head up the block, leaving her classmates behind as she made her way home. "Now let's see," she mused to herself. "What should I make for dinner? Leftover beef stew maybe? Father would like that, but Nozomi would probably prefer something more exciting. I wonder . . . "
As she turned onto her street she spotted a familiar figure hunched over near a tree several blocks from her house. The girl was on all fours, retching. "Asuka?" Hikari whispered. She hurried over to her friend. "Asuka!" she called, concern evident in her voice. "What's wrong? Are you hurt?" She took Asuka's shoulders in her hands, but backed off when the girl flinched.
Asuka held up a hand. "I'm alright," she said, heaving.
Hikari waited for her to finish, then took her hand and helped her stand. Asuka leaned against the tree, panting heavily. "You don't sound alright," Hikari said, frowning.
Asuka shook her head, then stared at her friend through bleary eyes. "I was on the train," she said, by way of explanation. "I figured I'd surprise you, and we'd go shopping or something." She closed her eyes. "I don't normally have problems on trains," she said. "Most people have the sense to give me my space, and no one wants to deal with a scarred chick anyway." She opened her eyes again, staring off into space. "But this time, there was some punk there, really full of himself." She smiled ruefully. "He didn't even do anything. He just stared at me, licking his lips. And I remembered . . . " Her eyes went wide, her hand going to her stomach by reflex. She closed her eyes, waiting for the nausea to pass. "I got off the train at the next stop, and managed to run here before it hit me. That was . . . what time is it, anyway?"
Hikari checked her watch. "Uh, it's 4:29."
"Christ, that was an hour ago. I've been here that long?" She wearily wiped her eyes.
Hikari fidgeted uncertainly. "Is there anything I can do?" she asked. She looked at the ground, wrinkling her nose. "I'd invite you for dinner, but you probably aren't hungry at the moment."
Asuka shook her head. "Don't worry about it. I'll just go home. Sorry about the mess." She pushed away from the tree, and staggered a bit. Hikari caught her, and let go when Asuka gently pushed her away.
"I'm not letting you go alone," Hikari said. "I'll go with you, if that's alright."
Asuka frowned. "You don't have to," she said. "I don't want to be a bother."
Hikari shook her head. "It's fine," she said. "I'll just call dad and let him know." She smirked as she dug her phone out of her purse. "Guess Nozomi gets beef stew again after all!"
"Heh."
They headed to the train station after Hikari finished her call, and made their way back to Shinji's apartment.

Shinji was doing the dishes when the pair knocked on his door. He opened it, and smiled at Hikari. "Hi Hikari," he said, ushering them in. "I'm glad Asuka found you, she was really--" he stopped, looking at Asuka curiously. "What happpened?" he asked.
She shrugged. "Flashback," she said, unconcerned. She and Hikari sat at the kitchen table.
"I see," he said. He took a step toward her, and then stopped. He swallowed thickly, then turned toward Hikari. "Say Hikari," he said, forced levity in his voice. "I don't think I've ever played for you, have I?" Asuka shot him a sidelong glance, one corner of her mouth quirked up in an almost-smile.
Hikari blinked in confusion. "Huh?"
"My cello," Shinji explained. "You knew I played, right?"
Hikari's face took on a stern expression. "Ikari, I don't think this is the time--"
"That's a good idea, Shnji," Asuka interrupted. "You should do that."
Shinji nodded, then headed toward his room to get the cello. Hikari looked at Asuka in confusion, then scowled and got up to follow Shinji. "Hikari--" Asuka said, a hand trailing after her. But it was too late, as Hikari had already rounded the corner. Asuka shrugged with a sigh and lay her head on the table.
Shinji had grabbed the cello when Hikari confronted him. She stood in the doorway to his room, hands on hips. "Why would you say something like that, Ikari? Can't you see she's upset? Something awful happened to her and you're acting like it's nothing!"
Shinji smiled sadly. "There's nothing I can do, Hikari. She won't let me hold her, and if I just sit there she gets mad. But this," he said, indicating the cello, "this is something I can do. It distracts her, and lets me be with her without getting too close. This is what she needs right now. It's not much, but . . . " He shrugged, trailing off.
Hikari's ire had shifted to surprise. She stroked her chin, giving him a thoughtful look. "You've put some thought into this, haven't you?"
He gave her a nervous smile. "We spent a lot of time together after Third Impact," he explained. "And when she got back from Kyoto, well--"
"I can hear you two, you know." Asuka hadn't moved from her spot in the kitchen.
Shinji and Hikari both flinched as their friend cut Shinji off, then flushed and laughed at one another nervously. Hikari stepped aside, letting Shinji pass before following him and rejoining Asuka in the kitchen. She laughed again when she saw Asuka, who responed by rolling her eyes. She turned to Shinji, who was setting up the cello. "Get on with it, idiot."
"I'm almost ready," he replied.
When he finished setting up Shinji frowned for a moment, deciding what to play. Presently he nodded, took a breath to center himself, and began. He picked the prelude to Bach's first cello suite, which had oddly become one of her favorites since he started playing for her.
Hikari watched him, delighted by his talent. She turned to Asuka, who listened silently with her chin in her hands. Her eyes were closed, and she swayed slightly in time with the music. She had visibly relaxed since he started playing. Hikari smiled, relieved, then turned back toward Shinji as he finished the piece. "That was great Shinji!" she said, clappiing excitedly.
Asuka smiled mildly at Hikari's enthusiasm, but nodded in agreement nevertheless. "Yeah, that wasn't bad. You seem to be putting some effort into your practice these days, eh?"
Shinji laughed, scratching his head in embarrassment at the praise. "Well, since you liked it and all, it seemed like a good idea," he said. "Should I play some more?" He looked at the clock. "Oh, wait; I should probably get started on dinner. Would you like to stay Hikari?"
Hikari nodded. "Sure," she answered.
Shinji nodded and leaned the cello against the wall, then set to work making dinner.

As always, feedback is appreciated. Next time: Misato and Dr. Okada. Probably.

[Bagheera]

I fully admit the second part is a work in progress, but I think the two scenes mostly flow pretty well. Comments/etc welcome, as always. Pen Pen chapter will be going up next, and after that another Asuka/Misato (last one), Shinji/Misato, Misato/Okada, and then the endgame: O-ki-na-wa!, Fuyutsuki, Kaji, Kyoko, and Katsuragi. Apart from the last the endgame chapters will all involve multiple scenes. I'm not sure if I'll clump them together a la the first and fifth posted pieces or if I'll break them up and tell them piecemeal; it all depends on how things flow, I guess.

April 6, 2021

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April 6, 2021

Asuka stared at the computer monitor in front of her and frowned. She leaned back in her chair, crossing her hands over her stomach, and made a face. Potential Thesis Projects, the screen read. 1. Applications of the anti-A.T. Field to Resuscitation and Rehabilitation Efforts, 2. Development of Quantum Synchronization and Communication Techniques, 3. Rapid Regeneration of Damaged Tissue Using LCL As a Medium . . .
She ran her hands over her face and growled in frustration. "Gah, this is stupid," she said.
She idly spun her chair, dragged a foot on the ground to stop, then spun again. She completed two more cycles before she saw a familiar figure, leaning against the door frame of her office with an amused look on her face.
"Having fun?" Misato asked.
Asuka closed her eyes and moaned. "I'm trying to come up with a thesis project," she said, "but all the options really suck. I can't even come up with a damn field, and they'd all be super expensive to fund."
"Well, I wouldn't worry about that," Misato mused. "I'm sure we could work something out, no matter what you decide to do."
"Oh really?" Asuka asked, arching her eyebrows. "I didn't realize Herz could afford to throw its resources around quite so casually."
"Don't be silly," Misato replied. "No matter the specifics, your work is directly relevant to Herz's basic mandate. Supporting it is a sound investment."
"I'm honored," Asuka quipped. She was only half-joking.
"Speaking of which," Misato continued, indicating the papers scattered about Asuka's desk, "are those Yui Ikari's notes?"
Asuka nodded. "Yeah. I can't believe how much trouble it was to get ahold of these. Thanks for helping with that, by the way."
"No problem," Misato said. "What was so damn important about them, anyway? I practically had to get the Prime Minister himself involved to force the university to turn them over, and by my understanding they're just the original copies of work that's already been published. Why did Ikari have them locked up so tight?"
"I don't think it was his doing, actually," Asuka said.
"Oh?"
Asuka shook her head. "No. Look here," she said, indicating one of the papers. It was indeed a copy of one of Yui's papers, but it had handwritten notes in the margins. "See these notes? None of that is in the final products. Those were made available to the Commander and Seele, but I'm pretty sure no one else knew about these copies apart from Subcommander Fuyutsuki."
"Her advisor?" Misato asked. "But even so, what's . . . "
"Most of it's relatively minor," Asuka began. "But some of it's very interesting. For example, when she talks about the nature of the Evangelion as a human being, she notes that it will require a soul. But she never says anything about where they'd get the soul -- maybe they intended to stuff some random person in there, I dunno. But the note in the margin is very specific," she said, pointing at the page.
Misato looked. Ikari Y., underlined twice. Soryu K.?
"She . . . " Misato began, astonished. "She knew? But I thought the Contact Experiment was a failure, that it was an accident."
Asuka nodded. "Of course, so did everyone. That's why my mother attempted to refine the experiment and repeat it. She wouldn't have done that if she'd known that Ikari wanted to enter the Eva, so that's why it had to be kept quiet." She turned the page. "It gets better," she said. "Check out the part on synchronization.
Familial relationship likely required. Children?
Misato floundered aimlessly for a chair for a moment before finally grabbing it and sitting down. "I feel sick," she said. She looked up at Asuka. "You seem very calm about all of this," she noted.
Asuka shrugged."Same old, same old. So someone else at Nerv betrayed us? Whoopty do. At this point the novelty is discovering people who weren't ready and willing to sell us out."
"You're far too young to be so cynical," Misato drawled.
Asuka shrugged again.
"But that aside," Misato went on, "this doesn't make any sense. If this information's so sensitive why even keep copies of the documents to begin with?"
"That's a very good question," Asuka admitted. "If the Subcommander ever returns maybe we can ask him." She cocked her head, looking at Misato in curiosity. "With all of that said, what brings you here today, anyway?"
Misato blinked. "Oh yeah," she said with a laugh. She clapped her hands together. "Well, if you're up for a break, how about lunch?" she asked.
Asuka shrugged. "Sure, might as well," she said. "I'm not making any headway here anyway."

They ate in the school's cafeteria, opting for greasy Western food over traditional Japanese fare. Asuka had just taken a bite of her cheeseburger when Misato spoke. "Asuka?" she asked. "Mind if I ask you something?"
Asuka swallowed her bite, then frowned. "What is it?" she asked.
Misato took a bite of a french fry. "Did you see your mother in Instrumentality?"
Asuka's eyes snapped open and she gave Misato a hard stare. "Where did that come from?" she asked.
Misato shrugged. "Just thinking, that's all," she said.
Asuka took another bite of her cheeseburger, then said, "Yes. Briefly. But she wasn't like I remembered her. She was different somehow. But she was there."
Misato nodded, lost in thought. "I saw my father," she said softly.
"Really?" Asuka asked. "I didn't know that."
Misato took a sip of her drink, staring off into space. "I saw him, but I didn't see my mother. She died before Second Impact. I wonder if that's relevant somehow?"
Asuka shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe."
Misato dragged a hand through her hair in frustration. "I wish we had a better idea of how this whole business works," she grumbled.
Asuka swallowed the last of her sandwich. "Don't lie," she said with a smirk. "You just want Kaji back."
Misato shot her a harsh glare. "You're reminding me more and more of Ritsuko every day," she growled.
Asuka froze, inches away from biting into her second sandwich. "You did not just compare me to that bitch," she hissed.
Misato covered her head with her hands. "Don't be childish," she mumbled. "I compared you to my best friend, not to the monster she became."
"I thought Shinji was your best friend," Asuka said, taking a bite of her cheeseburger.
"Shinji's a doormat," Misato said.
Asuka blinked, then laughed. "Isn't that my line?" she asked.
"He is!" Misato protested. "He's helpful and earnest and very nice, but he wouldn't know assertiveness if it walked up and bit him. And it's so frustrating! He stands up to you all the time, I see it, but with everyone else he's a passive little mouse."
"That's true," Asuka agreed, chewing thoughtfully. "He doesn't like it when I yell at him, and he's learned that being assertive around me means I'll be nicer to him. But the rest of you are too polite to criticize him, so he doesn't feel the need to change. Typical Japanese."
Misato snorted. "How delightfully racist of you."
Asuka shrugged. "It's true. You only ever called him out when it came to his piloting; apart from that you let him do whatever he wanted, which was usually nothing at all. What did you expect?"
"Mmmm. Maybe." Misato sat up. "That reminds me," she said. "What are you going to tell him about his mother's notes?"
"Hah!" Asuka laughed. "Not a damn thing."
"Whaaaat?" Misato protested. "Don't you think he has a right to know?"
Asuka snorted. "Know what? That his mother was a narcissistic  lunatic who willingly entered the Eva and planned to use him from the start, and planned the same for me and my mom? Fuck that. He doesn't need that kind of guilt trip."
"I see," Misato said, frowning.
"Look," Asuka said, scowling at her, "it's not like I'm gonna lie to him. If he asks me about it I'll tell him the truth. But I don't see the point to hurting him like that when it won't do anyone any good."
Misato regarded her for a moment, then shook her head with a laugh.
"What's so funny? Asuka asked.
"Nothing, really," Misato said. "It's just cute how protective you can be sometimes."
Asuka flushed. "Shut up," she mumbled.
"Gotta take care of your little chew toy, hmmm?" Misato asked, a twinkle in her eye.
"Hey!" Asuka protested.
Misato just laughed.

[Bagheera]

To my surprise, the Pen Pen scene stands on its own quite nicely. This amounts to an omake, but I think it's important to note that (somehow) the little guy is still around.

April 09, 2021

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April 09, 2021

Asuka padded into the kitchen, trying to escape sleep's  grasp as she made to prepare breakfast. She was searching through the refrigerator when she felt a sharp peck on her calf. "Ow!" she cried. She spun around. "What the fuck?"
Pen Pen looked up at her mildly. "Whark."
"Huh?" she blinked. Then, "Oh." She glanced in the refrigerator. "I don't think he thawed anything for you. Last night was pretty rough for him."
Pen Pen's eyes widened. "Whark!" he demanded.
"Alright, fine, I'll see what we have," she grumbled, opening the freezer. "Well, there's a herring here, but it's much too big--"
"Whark!"
"You've got to be kidding," she protested. It's gotta be 30 centimeters long!"
"Whark! Whark!" Pen Pen was literally hopping up and down with excitement.
"Okay, okay! But it's frozen! How do you plan to eat it?" She held it out for effect. It was stiff as a board.
Pen Pen balked at that. "Whark . . . "
"I guess I could defrost it in the microwave or something . . . " she mused.
"Whark!" he said.
"Fine, fine," she muttered. She stuffed the thing into the microwave. "How long?" she wondered. "Three minutes, maybe?"
Pen Pen shuffled uncertainly. "Whark?"
Asuka shrugged. "Close enough."
They waited a bit. After a minute or so, Pen Pen pointed a flipper toward Shinji's room. "Whark?"
Asuka cocked her head. "What, the idiot?" she asked. "What about him?"
"Whark!" he said.
"Well, of course!" she exclaimed. "A girl has to take care of her toys if she's going to get any use out of them."
"Whark?!" he asked, incredulous.
"Oh my God, are you kidding me? Of course I'm not serious! What the fuck is wrong with you?"
The penguin gave her a deadpan stare. "Whark."
"Get this straight, bird brain," she growled. "I am the cause of, and the solution to, most of Shinji's problems. Of course I'll take care of him!"
Pen Pen looked at her with one eye, then the other, clearly skeptical. "Whark," he said.
Asuka opened her mouth to respond, but was interrupted by the ding of the microwave. She glowered at the penguin before retrieving the fish. She looked at Pen Pen skeptically. "Are you sure about this?" she asked. "It's pretty big."
Pen Pen waddled from one foot to the other, beak open expectantly. "Whark!" he exclaimed. "Whark!"
"Okay," she said. "If you insist." She fed him the fish, her eyes widening in surprise as he managed to down the entire thing. "Well alright then," she said. "Happy now?"
Pen Pen's eyes closed as he sighed in absolute contentment. "Whaaark."
Asuka smirked and turned back toward the refrigerator. "Fine," she said. "Then go away and let me make breakfast."
Pen Pen pecked her again.
"Ow!" she exclaimed, turning around. "Now what do you want?"
"Whark!"
Asuka gave him a puzzled look, then looked around. "Oh, right," she said, spotting a tablet on the counter. She pulled up a newsfeed, then handed it to the penguin. "Now will you please go away? I really need to get things ready for Shinji."
"Whark." Pen Pen accepted the tablet, then waddled off toward his refrigerator. Asuka, for her part, returned to the refrigerator, assembling a breakfast of fruits and cheese while wondering how she would handle an upset Shinji.

[Bagheera]

Alrighty then, short and sweet:

December 7, 2018

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December 7, 2018

"Shinji?" Misato asked. "Are you ready for tomorrow's recital?" Her voice was weary, and she sounded distracted.
Shinji looked up at Misato's question. He and Asuka were watching TV in Misato's living room, dinner long since over. "Yes ma'am," he replied.
Asuka shot to her feet. "Wait, what? You promised to take Hikari and me to the mall downtown tomorrow! What the hell?"
Misato looked at her for a moment, puzzled, then grimaced as memory hit. "Oh, crap," she said. "I'm sorry, Asuka, I forgot all about that. Maybe we can--"
"This always happens!" Asuka interrupted. "Every time you say you'll do something for me, something with stupid Shinji comes up and I wind up getting sidelined."
Misato drew a hand over her face, and took a breath. "Asuka--" she began.
"I'm tired of this!" Asuka complained. "You said you were gonna make it up to me, but you always--"
"God damn it, Asuka, will you stop being such a petulant child?" Misato yelled. "You're sixteen years old already, and you keep going on about how you want to be treated like an adult. Would it kill you to act like one?"
Shinji recoiled a bit. "Misato . . . " he said.
Misato ignored him, focusing her ire on Asuka. "Every time the tiniest little thing goes wrong you see fit to throw a tantrum, and I'm sick of it. I'm a person, Asuka. Yes, I'm a Colonel at Herz. Yes, I'm your guardian. But I'm also a human being, and sometimes I make mistakes, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't take every minor mishap as a personal affront or evidence that I'm somehow out to get you!"
Asuka squirmed, unable to meet her guardian's gaze. She took a deep breath, ready to argue, but then her gaze happened upon the calendar on the wall. December 7, she realized. That was the date. All off a sudden, her anger drained from her. After some time, she looked Misato in the eye and said, "It was today, wasn't it?"
Misato looked at her strangely. "What are you talking about?" she asked.
Asuka smiled, a sad smile. "Kaji," she said. "It happened today, didn't it? On this date, I mean. Three years ago today."
Misato's lip quivered, and her eyes began to water. She tried to think of something to say, but before she could the girl's arms were around her neck, holding her tightly. She returned the embrace, noting that Asuka was very stiff. She doesn't like it, Misato thought. But she held the girl nonetheless, shaking as she cried. Finally, she pushed her away, gathering her composure.
"It's okay," Asuka said. "I'm not mad. And," she continued, "I'm sorry. I won't . . . " she stopped, reconsidering. "It's not like I try to be a bitch. Ask Shinji, he knows." She looked at the boy, but he could only stare at the two women in confusion.
Misato laughed, drying her eyes. "I shouldn't have yelled at you," she said. "That was inappropriate. It would be okay if we went to the mall on Sunday, right?" She managed a weak grin. "I mean, you want to see his recital anyway, don't you?"
Asuka shrugged. "That's fine, I guess. It's not like the idiot can't play or anything."
Misato laughed, patting Asuka on the shoulder. "Okay then," she said. "Okay. Good." She rightened herself, putting on the air of the guardian she pretended to be. "With that settled, I'm heading for bed. Be sure to lock the door when you leave, okay?"
Both Shinji and Asuka nodded. "Yes ma'am!" they said, in unison.
Misato headed to her room, and Asuka sat back down beside Shinji.
"What was all that about?" Shinji asked.
Asuka stuck out her chin. "Don't ask stupid questions, Third Child."
"But--" he began.
"It was girl stuff, alright?" Asuka said. "You wouldn't understand."
He scowled. "You don't have to treat me like I'm a child," he said, hurt.
She scowled at him. "Look, it doesn't concern you, alright? We're working things out, same as you and I are. I don't explain everything about our relationship to her, and the same applies here. Get it?"
Shinji stared at her for a moment, puzzled, then shrugged. "Well, okay I guess. As long as everything's alright."
"It's fine, stupid Shinji." Asuka said. "She's upset now, but she'll be okay after a good night's sleep."
Shinji gave her a skeptical look, but ultimately relented. "Fine," he said. "If you say so."
Asuka didn't reply, instead returning her attention to the TV program in front of her. But every so often her attention drifted to her guardian's door, and she resolved to be a little nicer to her for the next couple of days.

[Bagheera]

And here we have another barely edited piece. I'm sure you lot will be kind enough to point out any errors/moments of idiocy, and I'll fix them once you do. But in the meantime, here goes: The Talk.

August 12, 2016

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August 12, 2016

Misato found him in the shelter's common area, noticeably agitated. "There you are, Shinji. I've been looking for you."
"Where is she?" he asked. "She wasn't there when I woke up. I've been looking for her, but I can't find her. Where did she go?" There was an edge of panic in his voice.
"Calm down," Misato soothed. "Asuka's fine. You two spoke with the doctor, do you remember that? Dr. Okada?"
Shinji nodded. "Yes, I remember."
Misato smiled at him. "Okay," she said. "He and Asuka talked about her treatment options, just like he did with you. He asked her what she wanted to do, and she said she wanted to get away from here, to recover on her own."
Shinji's eyes widened. "What does that mean?" he asked. "She can't do that, she won't . . . I mean, who'll take care of her? No one's looking out for her, they'll--"
"It's fine, Shinji," Misato said, placing a hand on his shoulder. He shrank back from her touch; she pretended not to notice. "She went to a hospital in Kyoto. It's a specialized facility designed to help victims of severe trauma. There are many talented doctors there, and they'll look after her."
Shinji chewed his lip. After a moment he said, "But they don't know her, do they? They don't know she likes Western food, or how to treat her after she's had a bad dream, or . . . or anything!" He looked at the ground, despondent. "Why didn't she say anything?" he asked.
Misato laughed nervously. "Well," she began, "if I had to guess, I'd say she didn't want to burden you. This was a big decision, and it was one she had to make herself. Dragging you into it wouldn't be fair to either of you."
Shinji frowned, clearly unconvinced.
Misato coughed, then crossed her arms. "Well, enough about Asuka," she said. When Shinji glared at her, she waved her hand and said, "What I mean by that is, we have to figure out what we're going to do with you!" She smiled brightly. "If you want, you can stay with me again. I've got a place set up, and .  .  . " She trailed off, noting Shinji's dubious stare. She laughed nervously. "Well, maybe that's not such a hot idea," she said. "But!" she said, smiling brightly, "I have alternatives! How would you like living on your own?"
Shinji's eyes widened. "Um . . . "
Misato laughed. "Don't worry, I'm not throwing you to the wolves. There are plenty of apartments available in my complex, and I figured you could live in one of them. You'd be living on your own, with plenty of privacy if you want it, but I'd be right down the hall if you need anything. And I'd take care of all of the arrangements, so you wouldn't have to worry about anything. How does that sound?"
Shinji frowned, considering. "I guess that'd be fine," he said. He looked at her directly. "I don't--" he began. "I mean . . . " He looked down, unable to continue.
Misato took his hand. "What is it?" she asked, her voice gentle.
Shinji stiffened at her touch, but didn't withdraw his hand. "You said . . . " he began. He coughed, and then continued. "You said we'd . . . do the rest when I came back." He blushed furiously. "I mean . . . "
Misato gulped. "I remember," she said.
Shinji withdrew his hand, hugging himself. "I don't . . . " he began. "I mean, if it's alright, I don't . . . " his voice dropped to a whisper. "I don't want to do that." He snuck a glance at her, then looked back at the floor. "I'm sorry, I don't want to be insulting or anything. It's just . . . "
Misato smiled, then touched his shoulder gently. This time he didn't shrink back. "It's okay," she said. "What I said then was . . . " she paused, trying to find the words. "It was . . . inappropriate. I shouldn't have said that. I was just . . . " she sighed. "I was trying anything I could to keep you in the fight, you know? I knew I was dying, and I never thought we'd wind up discussing it." She patted his shoulder, laughing all the while.
Shinji noted her discomfort, but couldn't quite let it go. "That wasn't the first time," he noted.
Misato cringed, then laughed self-consciously. "Shinji, c'mon. I didn't mean it like that, alright?" He scowled at her, and she held out her hands defensively. "Okay!" she admitted. "Okay, I did mean it like that, but it was . . . it was a tactic, alright? I was desperate, and there was so much at stake . . . " She sighed. "That's really no excuse," she went on, "but even so, it's true. Believe me, Shinji, I'm not some . . . " she waved her arms expressively, "some pedophile who's into younger guys. I just thought, 'Maybe this will work,' and gave it a shot. That's all it was. I promise, Shinji, you don't need to worry about that. You really don't."
Shinji frowned, considering. "But you always teased me," he said. "All that sex stuff, and the skimpy clothes, and . . . "
Misato groaned in frustration. "Oh, come on, Shinji, I was just teasing!" She put her hands on her hips, planting her feet for emphasis. "Look, kid, there's only one man in my life, and you aren't him. Don't read too much into things that aren't meant to be taken seriously! I was just teasing you, that's all. I'll admit it went too far, and I'm sorry if it hurt you, but I'm telling you right now that I don't view you that way at all. It's important that you understand that."
"Well . . . " Shinji began.
"And besides," Misato continued, her tone flippant, "what would Asuka think if she knew you were fixated on your guardian like that?"
Shinji scowled at her. "Hey!"
Misato smirked. "She'd be mad, right?" She gave him a sage nod. "Yep, she would be, I'm sure of it. So what do you say we put this behind us and move forward as friends?" She sounded blasé, but there was a note of pleading in her tone.
Shinji just stared at her, then smiled and nodded. "Alright," he said. "I guess that's fine."
Misato brightened, clearly relieved. "Great!" she said. "I'll make the arrangements for your new place right away. We'll have you moved in in a jiffy!"
Shinji frowned. "But Asuka . . . "
"Don't worry," Misato said, consoling him. "I'm keeping tabs on her, and I'll make sure she knows how to contact you. She'll be fine, Shinji. I promise."

Next: Misato/Okada, possibly with a callback to episode 15 in-between. Then another Misato/Shinji, and possibly a Shinji/Asuka scene on the beach. After that the final five, assuming inspiration doesn't strike in the meantime.

[Bagheera]

New chapter! This one's been holding me up for weeks, since it's not what I wanna be working on right now. But I think it came out okay. Comments, etc.

August 11, 2016

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August 11, 2016

Misato closed her eyes, taking  a deep, steadying breath. She let it out slowly, composing herself, then opened the door before her.
The doctor was seated at his desk, reviewing the files she'd given him. He glanced at her as she entered, his expression neutral. "Welcome, Colonel Katsuragi," he said. "Thank you for coming."
Misato nodded, sitting in one of the chairs before his desk. "Have you had a chance to review the Children's cases, then?" she asked.
Dr. Okada nodded. "I have," he replied. "I also reviewed the supplemental material you saw fit to include."
Misato cringed, but said nothing.
"That material came as a bit of a shock," Dr. Okada observed.
Misato nodded. "It seemed . . . relevant," she explained.
"Indeed." Dr. Okada held her gaze for a moment, his own inscrutable. "Since you were willing to expose yourself in that fashion I'm inclined to believe you are acting in good faith," he said. "But, even so, I need to know how far you're willing to go in the pursuit of the Children's treatment."
Misato's eyes widened a fraction. "How far . . . ?"
Dr. Okada nodded. "During our session Ms. Soryu indicated that she wishes to recuperate elsewhere. Her ability to trust has been badly damaged, and she seems to be alarmed by the effects her behavior is having on Mr. Ikari."
Misato half rose from her chair in alarm. "Elsewhere? But that's impossible, she . . . who'll take care of her?"
"We spoke about that very issue, of course. After some discussion she settled on a private facility in Kyoto. It is a secure facility, but the patients are allowed to come and go as they choose. Access to visitors is strictly controlled. And," he added, anticipating her next question, "I'm confident that arrangements can be made to allow access for your own security personnel as well."
Misato sank back into her chair. "Kyoto," she breathed. She shook her head. "Does she really hate me that much?"
Dr. Okada raised an eyebrow. "I do not think you were the primary motivation there," he observed wryly.
"Eh?" Misato asked, puzzled.
"The Third Child," he said simply. "Her exact words were 'If I'm around here, that stupid idiot will do something stupid like check up on me. I don't wanna be anywhere near him.'"
"Shinji?" she asked. "I thought they were trying to get along."
"'Trying' being the operative term. Succeeding is another matter. It is my opinion that the boy's mere presence is painful for her, and I firmly believe she does not want to wind up hating him. She needs to recover in isolation if she is to have any hope of achieving that end."
Misato swallowed thickly, then nodded slowly. "I see," she said.
"As her legal guardian you of course have final say on the matter, and that's quite apart from the authority you possess as commander of Herz," he noted. "But I would strongly recommend allowing her to pursue this path."
Misato rubbed her forehead wearily, then sighed. "Alright," she said. "That's fine. If that's what she wants, I'll . . . I'll make it happen."
Dr. Okada nodded. "Very well, then. I'll let the staff at the facility know."
Misato nodded. "What about Shinji?" she asked.
"I see no reason why the boy can't be treated locally," the doctor said. "However, you should be aware that his feelings toward you might best be described as 'uncomfortable.' Leaving aside the ethical implications of your past behavior toward him, said behavior has created a deep ambivalence in him regarding your suitability as his guardian."
Misato shook her head in denial. "But there's no one else! He has no parents, no other relatives . . . and besides, he's the Third Child! We have to protect him! We owe him that much, we--"
Dr. Okada held up a hand. "Col. Katsuragi, I understand the circumstances. I am simply explaining the boy's mental state as I understand it. The situation is what it is, and we must work within those boundaries if we're going to help him."
"Then . . . what did you have in mind?"
Dr. Okada leaned back, folding his hands on his desk. "Mr. Ikari is 15 years old. Despite his traumas he appears to be able to look after himself, and has the requisite skills to manage his own life. I would suggest we allow him to live on his own, while simultaneously ensuring that he has access to a viable support structure should the need arise. That, combined with his treatment options, would ensure the greatest chance of eventual recovery."
Misato frowned, considering. "I guess . . . I know there are other apartments in my complex available. Maybe I could get him one of those?"
"That would work nicely, I think," he replied.
Misato dragged a hand through her hair, clearly unhappy. "He won't take the news about Asuka well," she griped. "Those two are . . . it's painful to watch, but they're oddly dependent on one another."
Dr. Okada took his chin in his hand. "You might be surprised," he mused. "As long as you frame it in such a way that this is in Ms. Soryu's best interests I think he'll accept it. She seems to be his top priority these days. That's not a healthy mindset, and it's something we'll have to address, but in the short term it's helpful for us."
Misato smiled. "Yeah," she agreed, "that's probably true." She stood. "Alright, then. I'll speak to him about it." She turned to leave.
"Colonel," Dr. Okada said. "One more thing."
She stopped, looking back at him. "Yes?"
"I'm not in a position to act on the matter, and even if I were I think it would do more harm than good at this point. But this . . . " he placed his hand on the supplementary file she'd given him. "I won't forget what I read here." There was iron in his tone, and condemnation as well.
Misato turned toward the door. As she was about to leave, she stopped. "Nor should you," she said quietly. "They certainly won't," she added, "and neither will I."

Next: The Beach, and then another Shinji/Misato scene. And then we get to the good stuff!