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Ghosts of Evangelion - a post-EoE fic by Bagheera

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Bagheera:
This story was copied here from the EvaGeeks forum on 27 June 2017 in order to provide a backup archive and a place where further chapters can be added and discussed.  Note, the dates in the links are the in-story dates of each chapter. 

The original of this page was posted on 25 May 2014.  You can go there to read the original discussion of the work as it grew.


Recently, I (pwhodges) went to town and made a PDF of "Ghosts"; I also fixed a few typos and the like on the way, and it includes the illustrations made by Shadowjack of RPG.net in his review of the first section.  Bagheera has approved it.  It's much easier than reading in the forum format, and even has a clickable index:

Ghosts of Evangelion (PDF)

And here is the whole work in chronological order for those who prefer; this is not the canonical version, though:

Ghosts of Evangelion (PDF in chronological order)


Okay. I'm posting it now so I don't try to weasel out of it later. Ghosts of Evangelion is a go. If you know what that means you're the target audience. If you don't, stay tuned. This is where I show you how to climb the mountain.

Get hype, peeps. Bagheera's getting off his sorry ass and writing.

Edit: I am revising as I go. Once a chapter is entered into the Table of Contents here, it can be considered to be complete. There are many more chapters awaiting revision, and many more still yet to be written. This is gonna take awhile . . .

Table of Contents

May 23, 2020
September 10, 2018 & October 10, 2018
January 28, 2016
February 3, 2016
September 9, 2018
October 7, 2018
March 12, 2016
September 16, 2018
March 14, 2016
June 1, 2020
October 13, 2019
September 14, 2018
August 26, 2016
September 12, 2018
April 6, 2021
April 9, 2021
December 7, 2018
August 12, 2016
August 11, 2016
January 14, 2016
March 6, 2021
July 23, 2021
August 14, 2021
August 15, 2021
August 21, 2021
August 22, 2021 - pt 1
April 20, 2022
March 18, 2022
April 23, 2022 - pt 1
April 23, 2022 - pt 2
June 22, 2024
June 24, 2024
March 14, 2021
August 22, 2021 - pt 2
June 26, 2024
April 3, 2021
July 3, 2024
June 29, 2024
September 13, 2030
August 23, 2021
September 20, 2030
December 4, 2018
August 11, 2024
August 13, 2024
March 23, 2027
June 4, 2035
November 23, 2018
September 19, 2018

June 3, 2026
February 20, 2047

December 16 & 19, 2080
December 20, 2080


A Mother's Love
(A side story written before the main story was finished. The new character introduced in this side story appears near the end of the main story.)

June 24, 2032
March 27, 2027
November 21, 2031 - pt 1
June 25, 2032 - pt 1
March 30, 2027
November 21, 2031 - pt 2
November 21, 2031 - pt 3
June 25, 2032 - pt 2
July 17, 2032
July 25, 2032
July 21, 2032
April 7, 2040
August 12, 2046
August 13, 2046
July 7, 8 & 9, 2046

Bagheera:
Okay, here we go. Spoilered for space reasons. Just to be clear, this is fanfiction, and it's terrible, and it's short, 'cause that's how I roll. You will not see a lot of action here, because I don't give a shit about that and the show's already addressed it. This is what happens after. Don't read it if that's not what you're looking for in an Eva story.

May 23, 2020

(click to show/hide)May 23, 2020

"Look," she said, "all I'm saying is, if it's so damn important you should do something about it."
"I know that," he replied. "It's just . . . "
"Just what?" she asked.
"It's hard!" He finished putting his textbooks into his bag and headed toward the kitchen.
"Well gee, I never thought about that!" she quipped, a mocking sneer on her face. "What would make it easier, then? I could go to sleep, would that help? Or hey," she went on, turning around with a smirk, "maybe you just prefer boys after all, eh?"
Her smile died as soon as she saw the look on his face. Shit. "Shinji, I didn't-"
"I gotta get to class," he mumbled. "Lock up when you leave." And without another word he was gone.
"Shit."

He was studying in his room when she got back that night. She stopped at the threshold, gauging his reaction. He spared her a glance, said nothing. But he drew up his legs, making room for her at the foot of the bed. She entered, a bit too quickly, and sat down, back to the wall.
"How was seminar?" he asked.
"Fine, I guess," she replied. "Boring."
"No drama today?" he asked.
She stuck out her tongue. "No, thank you very much." After a bit of reflection she added "I really do hate that Kagome bitch, though."
He frowned. "She isn't that bad, is she?"
She shrugged. "She just acts like it's so damn easy. Always talking about her stupid boyfriend, always going on about the shit they do together, always asking oh-so-sweetly 'So how are you and Shinji doing, Asuka?' She just doesn't get it." She rubbed her forehead with one hand. "Hell, even Hikari doesn't get it."
He looked up at that. "Really? I always thought she was really supportive."
She shook her head. "It's not that," she explained. "She just doesn't understand things like synchronization or angel contamination, it doesn't make sense to her." She grimaced. "That idiot Suzuhara understands those things better than she ever will." She sighed, gently knocking her head against the wall. "And I never really explained things about Kotetsu."
He frowned. "Why not?"
She shrugged again. "I dunno. Maybe I just wanted to put it behind me. I'd already had to explain it a bunch of times, and by the time I reconnected with Hikari I just didn't wanna deal with it anymore. And besides, she's Japanese. This culture -- people just don't want to talk about things like that. If I brought it  up I'd just be the gaijin girl thoughtlessly burdening others with her problems, and I really don't need that right now. It sucks, but that's just the way it is."
He blinked. "That never stopped you with me or Misato."
"You're different," she noted. "You two are family. She's not."
"I see," he replied. "I guess that's true; Hikari is very traditional in a lot of ways. But even so . . . "
She shook her head. "It doesn't matter."
He said nothing for a while. Then, "you can stay here tonight, if you like."
She gave him a light smile. "Thanks." She yawned, then stood and crossed the room to his dresser, pulling out a t-shirt and underwear. "I'm gonna take a shower, then."
"Okay," he said.
She left, heading for the bathroom. When she finished, she put her dirty clothes in the hamper and returned to his room. The light was out, moonlight illuminatiing the room, and he was in bed, facing the wall. She crawled into bed beside him. "Shinji?"
"What is it?" he asked.
"I'm sorry about this morning."
He  paused. "It's fine."
Her brow wrinkled at the tone of his voice. "Shinji." Her voice was insistent.
"What?" he asked.
She didn't reply. "Shinji." When he didn't respond she grabbed his shoulder, tugging lightly. "Hey, Shinji!"
He turned over, irritated. "What do you want?" His ire faded when he saw the look in her eyes. It was soft, and fragile somehow. Her eyes were a very deep shade of blue. He took her hand, and gave her a warm smile, a genuine smile. "It's fine," he said. "Really."
She didn't reply, just released a breath and closed her eyes. Sleep followed shortly thereafter.

When she awoke she found she had turned over, and that his arm was around her midsection. She scowled in irritation. She got up, careful not to wake him, and headed for the bathroom. When she returned she spared him a glance, then began gathering her clothes and her bag.
"Where are you going?" he asked.
She looked up, startled. "I have a lot of reading to do for seminar Monday, so I should get some sleep."
"You can stay if you want," he said.
"No, I should really--" she began.
"I want you to stay," he said, his voice full of certainty.
She stopped, giving him a long, hard look. "Alright," she said.
He moved back, making room for her in the bed, and she crawled in beside him. She squeaked a bit when he reached for her, pulling her to him. "H-hey," she asked, "what are you doing?"
He flushed, unsure of himself. "It's not like I don't want to, you know."
She rested her hands on his chest. Both of them were tense. "I know," she said.
He stuck out his chin a bit. "And I don't like boys."
She laughed nervously. "Hey, I already apologized for that."
"I know," he said. "I just wanted to be clear."
She nodded. "Okay."
"Why did you say that, anyway?" he asked. "It's not like you don't know what's going on. And it's not . . . it's not just me, either."
She fidgeted a bit. "I know that," she said. "I guess I just . . . wanted you to fix it, somehow."
He chewed his lip. "I don't know how to do that," he mumbled.
"Idiot. That's because it can't be fixed."
He frowned. "Then what are we supposed to do?"
She shrugged. "Deal with it, I guess. Work through it. Keep trying."
"That sucks," he said.
"Yeah. It does." She turned her head, glaring at him. "You better not run away."
He shook his head. "I won't run away. Not running away is the only thing I'm good at." He paused. "Guess I really am an idiot, aren't I?"
She smirked, but didn't disagree.

"We should do it next Saturday," she observed.
"Huh?" he asked.
They were in the kitchen. Asuka was making breakfast, omelets, when she made her pronouncement out of the blue. "Sex," she answered.
Shinji frowned. "I thought we resolved all of that."
She scoffed at him. "We've resolved that we want to do it, and that we have issues that keep getting in the way, and that nobody gets why it's so hard for us. But we need to stop worrying about all of that and actually do it."
"Asuka . . . " he said.
She glared at him. "What?"
He fidgeted. "I'm really afraid of hurting you. What if--"
"I don't care," she said. "I'm tired of waiting."
"Dr. Okada said there was no rush," he observed. "He said we had all the time in the world, that--"
"He also said that we needed to push ourselves if we wanted to make any progress," she interrupted. "It's been four and a half years, Shinji. We've waited long enough. It would be different if we were unsure, but we aren't, are we?"
"No," he said.
She nodded. "Alright then. Saturday."
He scowled. "You make it sound so simple."
"It's not," she agreed. "But we're adults now, Shinji. It's time we start acting like it."
"Having sex doesn't make people adults," he mumbled.
"No, it doesn't" she agreed. "You're right. But dealing with problems instead of worrying about them does. That's what we're doing here. If it hurts it hurts, but we have to try."
He didn't say anything in reply, opting instead to brood.
She shot him an irritated look. "This is the part where you man up and tell me I'm right, that this is a good thing, and that you're looking forward to it."
He fidgeted uncomfortably. "The only thing I'm sure of about all of this is that I'm not sure of anything." He gave her a weak smile. "It is kind of exciting, though."
"Heh. Close enough." She put the omelets on plates and put one in front of Shinji.
He frowned, then scratched his head. "Okay, I guess that's it then. Saturday."
She nodded.
"Say, Asuka?" he asked.
She looked at him. "What is it?"
He licked his lips. "This means you won't be able to call me a pervert anymore, doesn't it?"
She scoffed. "In your dreams. You'll always be a pervert, stupid Shinji. As of Saturday you'll just be a very lucky pervert."
He groaned in defeat. She just laughed at him and took a bite of her omelet.
. . . no, a lemon is not coming next. Here's what you can look forward to now that I'm committed and am actually writing:

Shinji and Asuka, one week post-3I
Asuka's return from Kyoto 2 1/2 years after 3I
Asuka and Misato rebuilding trust, days after the previous scene
Misato's plans for Asuka's future, spinning out of the previous scene
The aftermath of the Saturday referred to in the current chapter
The aftermath of their second try, or why persistence is a virtue
Shinji's first days as an administrator of Herz, the organization built to rebuild the Earth and come up with useful applications of metaphysical biology and evangelion tech in general.

These will not be written in any sort of order or on any sort of schedule. They'll come when they come. If you like 'em, great. If you don't, thanks for reading anyway. Let me know either way.

Bagheera:
In case I wasn't clear, comments are most welcome. I just realized my previous post might have come off as discouraging that and I wanted to clarify that that wasn't my intent.

Anyway, new chapter. Well, more like a scene with an epilogue attached, but whatever:

September 10, 2018 & October 10 2018

(click to show/hide)September 10, 2018

Asuka opened the door with a look of absolute boredom. "What do you want?"
Misato gave her a sunny smile. "Morning Asuka!" She looked Asuka up and down, then frowned. "You don't look so good; did you sleep well?"
"I haven't slept well for years."
Misato nodded sympathetically. "Ah. Yes, I suppose that makes sense." She waited a beat. "Um . . . "
Asuka stared at her through narrowed eyes, then relented. "Fine," she said, stepping back. "Come in if you want."
"Thanks!" Misato chirped, crossing the threshold.
"Whatever."
Misato looked around the apartment. "Shinji not here?"
Asuka shrugged. "School, I guess."
Misato nodded. "That's right, summer vacation's over, isn't it? That's just as well, then; you're the one I wanted to talk to anyway."
"Wonderful," the girl drawled.
"We have to figure out what you're going to do now that everything's settled down," Misato noted, leaning against the wall.
Asuka shrugged again, saying nothing.
"Did you want to go back to Kyoto?" Misato asked.
"No," Asuka said, venom in her voice. "Never."
Misato blinked. "Sounds like you feel pretty strongly about that. Dr. Kotetsu reported that you were making great progress --"
Asuka snarled at the mention of the doctor's name. "I'm not going back, Misato."
"Did something happen?" Misato asked.
Asuka didn't respond.
"If it did," Misato went on, "you should talk to me about it."
"Why?" Asuka asked. "It's not like you care anyway. You just want to find a way to get me out of your hair, same as always."
Misato laughed nervously, taken aback. "Now Asuka, that's not really fair --"
Asuka laughed, a short, vicious bark. "Don't talk to me about fair, you bitch! You never wanted to deal with me in Germany, and when I came here you watched me fall to pieces in front of your eyes without doing a damn thing about it."
"Hold on now --" Misato began.
"And then you let the commander hang me out to dry, before you threw me out like garbage when I was no longer useful --"
"Asuka, wait a minute --" Misato protested, holding up a hand.
"--and then when Kaji died you completely forgot about me until I crawled into a hole somewhere to slit my wrists and die! And after Third Impact, when you finally found us, you sent me to another damn city so that fucking piece of shit could . . . " Asuka broke off, shaking with rage. She sucked in a breath of air and shot her guardian a fiery look. "Don't act like you're concerned," she hissed. "I know better."
Misato stared at her, tight-lipped, waiting for her charge's anger to run its course. "Are you finished now?"
"Tch."
"It might surprise you to learn I agree with you." Asuka's eyes narrowed in surprise at the admission. "Everything you said is true. I did a terrible job with the both of you, and there's no excuse for it. Nothing about the circumstances changes what happened to you. It was criminal, and it was wrong, and I'll regret it until the day I die. But even so, you have to think about your situation here: you aren't equipped to live on your own, and neither is Shinji. You both need a lot of help and support, and there aren't exactly a lot of candidates banging on the door for the job. For better or worse I'm the closest thing to family either of you has."
Asuka shook her head, crossing her arms and staring sullenly at the floor.
"And I do care about you," Misato insisted. "I can't undo any of the things that have happened to you, but I can do my best to look out for you in the future. And I want to do that."
"No you don't," Asuka spat. "The only reason you're bothering at all is because of him."
"That isn't true," Misato countered. "But even if it was, does it really matter? Either way --"
Asuka stamped her foot, her arms locked at her sides. "Of course it matters!" she shrieked.
Misato actually took a step back at that, shocked by the vehemence of Asuka's response. She stared at the girl before her, so full of rage and hurt and betrayal, and her confusion slowly gave way to understanding. "I see," she said. Asuka glared at her, but held her tongue. Misato took her shoulders gently in hand, moving slowly so as not to startle her. "I've really misjudged you, haven't I?" Misato asked. "All this time, I thought your only interest was in survival. Shinji, me, even Kaji were just means to that end. But it wasn't like that at all, was it?" She laughed ruefully, squeezing gently. "No, of course not. It's so obvious, given what happened with your mom. I guess I never really made the connection because of everything else that was going on."
Asuka said nothing, but the wary look in her eyes spoke volumes.
"Alright then. I think I can understand your feelings now. And I can't really blame you; I'd be pretty skeptical myself if I was in your position. So that means I'll just have to prove it, right?" She gave Asuka a gentle smile. "But you'll have to give me the chance to do that, Asuka. I can't force you to accept me. All I can do is do my best to earn your trust. And that starts right now." She guided Asuka to a chair in the kitchen, sitting on another herself. "If you won't go back to Kyoto--" Asuka shook her head violently "-- then here's plan B. The unit next door is vacant at the moment. How would you like to live there?"
Asuka hesitated, then gave a half-hearted shrug.
"My own apartment is right down the hall, so I'll be here if you need me. And, since you'll be in your own place, you won't have to deal with Shinji or me if you don't want to. How does that sound?"
Asuka considered for a moment. "Fine," she mumbled. The bitter resentment in her voice seemed to have receded for the moment, replaced by a wary vulnerability more fitting for a girl of her age.
"Alrighty then!" Misato chirped, all smiles again. "I'll make the arrangements with the rental office. We'll have to go shopping to get you some supplies, but we should wait until Shinji gets home to do that; we'll need someone to carry the bags, right?" She smiled brightly, full of forced cheer.
Asuka smirked. "Heh."
"Oh, and since you just woke up you must be hungry." She got up, heading for the pantry. "Why don't I --"
Asuka's eyes widened, and she leapt after Misato. "No, that's okay! I'll make breakfast!"
"Aw, but I had this neat idea for an experiment! All I need is some horseradish and some curry and --"
"No, really, that's fine! I'm good here. Shinji made some rice balls before he left, so that'll be fine. Better than fine, great even! Shinji makes great stuff, right?" Her voice had a bit of a panicked edge to it.
"Oh, you're no fun," Misato pouted, sitting down. "Fine, fine, we'll have Shinji's boring-yet-tasty food. But you'll have to try mine eventually."
"Heh heh, sure, sure." Asuka's face turned a shade of green as she headed to the refrigerator to get the rice balls. She rolled her eyes and whispered a silent prayer to whatever deities might still exist that she be spared Misato's cooking for as long as possible.

October 10, 2018

Asuka was watching TV with Shinji when she saw the news report: Dr. Hoshi Kotetsu of Kyoto shot and killed, apparently due to a self-inflicted gunshot wound, amidst allegations that he had had inappropriate physical contact with no less than 23 of his patients. Shinji turned to stare at her, but she was already halfway to the front door. She tore through it and ran down the hall, banging on the door to Misato's apartment.
Misato opened the door, clad in shorts and a t-shirt, beer in hand. "Evening Asuka," she said mildly. "What can I do for you?"
Asuka just stared at her, then at the TV behind her. It was airing the same report. She turned back to Misato. "You . . . " she began, struggling to find words. "What did you do?" she asked.
Misato gave her an appraising look. She turned, heading back inside, and beckoned Asuka to follow. "The world's a violent and unpredictable place lately," she mused, returning to her seat. “These things do happen, from time to time.” She turned toward Asuka. "But you needn't worry," she said.
"W-why is that?" Asuka asked, nervous.
Misato just smiled. "Because I will protect you," she said.
Asuka swallowed thickly, looking at her guardian with a mixture of awe and fear. Misato looked up as the door opened, grinning at Shinji as he walked through. "Heya Shinji!" she chirped.
"What's going on?" he asked. "That doctor, wasn't he . . .?"
"Asuka," Misato said, interrupting the boy, "why don't you take Shinji back to his place? I'm sure you two have a lot to talk about."
Asuka blinked, somewhat dazed by the past five minutes of her life. "Yeah," she said. "Yeah, I guess so. Let's go, Shinji."
"Huh?" he asked, confused. "Um, okay." He preceded her out the door, and Asuka took one last look behind her as she left. Misato was watching the TV, paying them no mind. Asuka closed the door and headed back to Shinji's apartment.

Bagheera:
This one's shorter, but sometimes that's just how it goes. I also added dates to the previous chapters so there's less guesswork continuity-wise.

January 28, 2016

(click to show/hide)January 28, 2016

Her scream woke him. It was followed by a painful sob and erratic breathing. He hurried to her door but could only stand there, indecisive. She screamed again, this time a deliberate howl of rage and frustration. Before long she looked up, saw him. "What do you want?" she rasped.
Shinji hesitated, then clenched his fist in decision. He stepped forward, hand outstretched, as if to embrace her. She slapped it away with a snarl. She glared at him, rage and hatred in her eyes, but said nothing.
Shinji held his hand gingerly and stared at her in confusion. "I won't run away," he told her. "I don't . . . I don't know what to do, but I won't leave."
She scoffed at him, shaking her head in disgust and looking away.
Shinji fidgeted uncomfortably. "I found a rice cooker yesterday," he said. "I made some rice balls last night, they're pretty good. I'll get you one if you like."
She didn't say anything. She was massaging her forehead, trying to banish the nightmare from her mind.
"Asuka--" he started.
"Fine," she interrupted. "That's fine. Whatever."
He nodded and scurried off. She gave a bitter, defeated laugh and buried her head in her hands.

Asuka woke in the middle of the night, the urge in her bladder pushing her out of bed. He was on the balcony as she passed, sitting on the bench, trembling. She sneered at him and continued on her way. When she was finished in the bathroom she headed back to her room. She looked at him again as she passed. It was curious; he never broke down like this when he was around her. She shook her head and passed the balcony, then stopped. She was very angry for some reason. After a moment she clenched her fist in frustration, then slammed it against the wall.
She opened the door and stepped onto the balcony. He didn't seem to notice; he just kept on sniffling.
She wasn't sure what she should say or do, but his weakness disgusted her. Ultimately, she opted for the direct approach. She grabbed his shoulder, startling him, and squeezed painfully, digging her fingernails into his skin with all of her might. "Let me remind you of something, idiot," she sneered. "You owe me. That angel defiled me, the commander threw me away, Misato abandoned me, and those fucking Evas . . . " she laughed shortly. "All of that, and you didn't do a thing to help. Not one goddamn thing."
"I'm sorry--" he began.
She squeezed harder, and he yelped. "I don't want your fucking apologies, Third Child. 'I'm sorry' doesn't do me a bit of good, y'know? It's useless. Instead, I want someone I can rely on. Someone who can help me out. And there's no one else here, so that someone is you, get it?" He nodded, trying not to whimper. "So get your shit together, or I swear to god I'll make you regret it."
He winced as she tightened her grip. "Okay!" he said. "Asuka, you're hurting me!"
She slackened her hold on him. He took several deep breaths, trying to reign in his emotions, and she was patient. She held him firmly, but the hateful malice that had possessed her had retreated for the moment. Gradually, he got his emotions under control. As his breathing evened out she released her hold on his shoulder and sat beside him, facing in the opposite direction. Neither of them said anything.
They stayed like that for a long time.
Presently, she stood. She made to head inside, but hesitated. "Sorry, stupid Shinji," she said. "I know it isn't much, but this is the best I can do right now."
He turned toward her. "I know," he said. He wiped his eyes and tried to smile, but didn't quite make it. "It's fine," he went on. "I'm better now."
"Fine," she said. She spared him a sidelong glance, then chewed her lip for a moment, agitated. Then she continued on inside, returning to her room.

Bagheera:
Yay, Asuka's being helpful, oh god please no

February 3, 2016

(click to show/hide)February 3, 2016

It was mid-afternoon when Shinji returned from his hunt for supplies. He dropped his backpack in the kitchen, not bothering to unpack it, and collapsed in the living room, the very picture of misery and despair.
Asuka entered the room and looked around, frowning as she caught sight of him. "What's your problem?" she asked.
He sniffled. "Nothing." He didn't look at her, just stared out the window.
She rolled her eyes. "Oh Christ, not this again--"
"Shut up!" he shouted. "You aren't the only one who's suffering!"
She went very still. "What?" Her voice had taken on a dangerous edge, but if Shinji noticed he gave no indication.
Shinji was fighting back tears. "I killed my friend, don't you understand? He's dead because of me, and so is Ayanami, and all of this --" he waved his arms to encompass the whole of the world "--is all because of me. I didn't do anything to help you or Misato, and even though I piloted everyone is dead because of me! It's all my fault!" He was really worked up now.
"You're really full of yourself, aren't you?" she said flatly.
And all at once, it was back. That rage she hadn't seen since Instrumentality began. She stuck out her chin in challenge. "Stupid Shinji. Going to finish the job this time?" she whispered, tone full of vicious mockery.
That did it. He instantly deflated, utterly defeated, and sank to the ground in misery.
She looked at him with a mixture of pity and disgust. "It isn't your fault," she said.
He looked up at her, then away. "It is. I killed him, and Ayanami killed everyone else because of me."
She crossed the room to the kitchen. She hauled his pack up onto the counter, then started digging through it to see if he'd found anything tasty. "You're an idiot," she said. "Little Miss Perfect was always going on about how she wasn't a doll, so why are you acting like she had no choice here?" The irony of this statement was not lost on her. "She was the one in control. There was nothing stopping her from saying 'hey, this might not be such a hot idea, maybe I shouldn't do it.' And yet she looked at this stupid, broken little child in front of her and said 'yeah, I'll do what he wants and end everyone, that's totally a great plan!'" She punctuated the last with a couple of thumbs up and a mocking grin. "How is that your fault?"
He glared at her. "Don't talk about her like that!"
She turned toward him, hand on hip. "Am I wrong?" she asked.
"I don't know!" he cried. The anger drained out of him, and he shrugged. "She still did it because of me."
"Yeah, because she was stupid. Get over it already." Her eyes widened as she caught sight of something in his stash. "Ooh, tuna!" she said, grinning brightly. She opened the can and started eating. "Who is this Kaworu person, anyway?"
"He was a good person," Shinji said. "He came to Nerv to be a pilot after you . . . went away. He was my friend and I killed him."
"Why?" she asked.
"I had to," he replied. "If I didn't, everyone would have died."
"Why?" she pressed.
He fidgeted. "He was an angel!"
She stopped, looked at him.
He shrugged. "He was an angel who looked like a human. Like Ayanami, I guess."
She shook her head in disbelief. "Weird. So why did you have to kill him?"
Shinji waved his hands helplessly. "He said that humans deserved to live. He wanted me to live and be happy, so I had to kill him!"
"That's what he wanted?" she asked.
He nodded. "Yes."
"You're sure?" she asked.  "That's what he said?"
"Yes!" he shouted.
"If that's so," she observed, a wry look on her face, "then why didn't he leave?"
He stared at her. ". . . what?"
She threw the empty can in the trash bin. "If he wanted us to live, why didn't he go back to where he came from? If he was like Ayanami he had to live somewhere before he came to Nerv, right? Why did you have to do anything?"
"He was an angel!" Shinji cried.
"So what?" She shrugged. "If he wants us to live he lets us live and goes away, simple."
He scowled. "It wasn't like that."
She cocked her head. "Why not?"
"If I didn't kill him he would have started Third Impact!" he shouted, exasperated.
She just stared at him, then burst out laughing.
Now he was really confused. "It's not funny! Why are you laughing?"
"Are you an idiot?"
He just stared at her, completely bewildered.
She rolled her eyes. "Shinji, you said it yourself. He was an angel! He showed up, made friends with you, and then held the fate of humanity over your head to make you kill him. How can you not see it? He wasn't your friend, he was there to destroy you."
"That's ridiculous!" he exclaimed.
She shook her head. "What's ridiculous is thinking that such an absurd situation could possibly be your fault."
"I don't believe you," he said. "Kaworu was a good person!"
She laughed derisively. "Oh my god, you are so naive." She shrugged. "Whatever. Good people don't force others to make decisions like that. It isn't right."
He didn't reply.
"Don't you get it? You're a victim here. You're blaming yourself for their decisions, but you were used and manipulated just like I was. All of that crap," she said, jerking a thumb toward the door, "is Nerv's fault, not yours. And Ayanami and Kaworu made their stupid decisions all by themselves."
"You're wrong!" he shouted. He got to his feet. "They never gave you a choice," he went on. "They used you and they, they threw you away, like you said! But I had a choice! They all gave me a choice, and I chose wrong every time! No matter what you say, this is my fault!"
She looked at him silently for a few moments, leaning against the kitchen counter. "It was a false choice, Shinji," she said softly.
He gave her a sullen stare, then shuffled off to his room. Before he closed the door he said, "you don't understand anything."
She watched the door close with crossed arms. "Idiot," she said. She began emptying his pack, taking inventory as she put everything away. Outside the cicadas droned on, continuing their chatter as dusk fell upon the city.
For my next trick, Asuka's triumphant return from Kyoto! Wait, that's not how it goes . . .

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